About two weeks ago my mum went through my phone and Internet history, and she confronted me about being gay. I told her the truth and... It went better than I thought it would in the beginning. She hugged me and told me that she loves me no matter what. But my mum is a rather conservative Christian, and she made it quite clear after that that she thinks homosexuality is a sin. She started crying for not taking better care of me and letting me "get tainted by the world". She said that she wanted us to pray together, that God is loving and will lead me back on the right track. She then started praying that God would command all that is not of him out of my heart, and keep me safe from the evils of this world. I just stood there and she sobbed in my arms. It's hard. She's taken away my phone and made me quit all my extracurriculars because she thinks they've been a bad influence. She cries nearly every day, and then apologizes and tells me that she's trying. I know I should be grateful that she is trying to understand, but I'm not. I'm angry with her. I feel like a jerk because she's trying her best, but I don't want her crying on my shoulders. I don't want to be faking a smile or pretending that I'm okay with what she's doing. I'm not. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate not seeing any of my friends anymore. I hate the crying in the middle of the night. I hate that I have to be the strong one she comes crying to when it should be the other way around. I don't know. I can't sleep, I barely eat. I'm sort of lost right now, and I don't know what to do.
In some respects your mother made you the parent and her child but with the child making the rules. I have a lot of experience with that type of parent. In reference to her invading your computer is this common for her to look for things she feels you are doing that are wrong? Mine used to not be happy until she could find something that she could hang on me and almost always was wrong. The religious comments you mom made are hard to understand and may be that way on purpose. It much harder for you to address what she feels vs what she feels using religion to voice her opinion. Her deciding you are gay based on what she found is very disturbing as parents will go through denial until forced to face the truth. From your post she was looking for something to hang on you that she doesn’t approve of but I all I have is your short to post to comment on. I could be wrong I would suggest you offer to go through therapy with your mom but with separate appointments. The therapist will realize the issue is your for you mom to change but most likely your mom will think the therapy is for you.
Small suggestion considering your mom is religious and knowing that you live in British Columbia. Gay Affirming Churches in British Columbia If you can, I'd suggest you try and see if there's any church from that list that is near you, and possibly talk to the Pastor to find out his views on homosexuality and possibly introduce your mother to him so that he may help her reconcile her faith with homosexuality. Or get your mother to drive you both to one of these churches and see how it goes. This is the only suggestion I can provide at the moment.
Yeah... I'd say the same. Find other people who are in her situation, or people who can relate to her, but show her your side. I'm sorry that it was such a bad experience tho.
Hey, you're in BC too! Haha, well anyways,I came out to my mom not so long ago, and the whole family is in denial. The thing my mom does is that she tries to be all laid back about it, but you can tell she's forcing certain topics....well anyways, I hope things work out for you.
I think your mom needs time. Yes you should be getting support nurturing & love from her. Her crying may not all be from a religious beliefs conflict.She is terrified of losing you to something she does not understand. since you were born she has probably had this idea how your life and hers would turn out. You: career marriage kids...And she might have planned her future on that : Being Grandma. So she may be grieving at what she sees are future losses in her life. You may not have future career goals yet but if you do -try sharing them with her. That might help. Hugs
Tell her it's not about her simple as if she is that far down the religous side of life honestly i'd say fuck it once you can leave remember she thinks you are sin yet she is your mother defend yourself and don't stand for it i think more young kids comming out need to be way more it's me telling you attutide and i don't care if you like it sadly she found out so you didn't even get the right context of your coming out hope it goes better soon much love
Part 2 Your mom should not have gone thru your computer/phone history. I don't want you to think I am defending her words or actions. I'm not. Just trying to look at your situation from another perspective.
well, good for you for coming out :eusa_clap (ur better than the most of us). as for ur mom taking ur phone away, tht sux :bang: . what i would do, is try to explain to her that homosexuality is not a sin and it's okay to be gay. get someone else in ur family to explain to her if she wont listen to u. (!) just make sure she isn't thinking about trying to convert you str8, that wont work. best of luck :eusa_danc (i use too many emojis)
Thanks for the advice. You're right that she probably just needs time, though I'm not sure how much time I can take. I feel a little trapped. I'm homeschooled, and she's pulled me from all my activities, so I don't even get to take a break. She won't even let me go across the street to buy groceries without accusing me of going out to see a girl. I don't know. I feel like I need time away from her right now, but she won't let me out of her sight. Going to one of those gay-affirming churches seems like a good idea though, and my mum has been looking for a new church anyway, so I think I can probably get her to go (as long as I don't reveal too many details). On a side note, I haven't come out to my brother yet, and I'm pretty sure he thinks our mum has gone mad.
You need to get your mum to watch this video You just need to get her to watch it, I urge you. Even though it's long, you can sit next to her and watch it. It explains about the bible and it's contexts and how it actually doesn't say homosexuality is a sin. PLEASE GET HER TO WATCH IT!!!
