Everything was so right - a 3 day weekend to come out to parents. Tried to come out but an unexpected guest showed up. Tried again but got scared of their reactions because we had just watched a movie with a negative portrail of lgbt. Tried again but started to doubt myself. That last one left me saddened. I don't make it a habit to doubt myself, and I know I just got nervous, that is all, but self-doubt without just cause is against my very core fabric; my constitution almost. Finally, in a now-or-never moment on my last day I tried to come out but instead ended up shifting topics on the spot and ended up belabouring the point that my father should stop embarrassing me by bringing up my relationship status in front of guests. In a moment of heart-stabbing situational irony, my mother (very homophobic - once stating she would rather a child die of negligence, poverty, and/or hunger, than be raised by a lgbt couple!) agreed with me and mentioned that I can find a girl on my own, I know what I am looking for in a woman best, someday will find the girl of my dreams, etc. It all makes me sick. Not in the revolted kind, but in the weak, mentally collapsing on the spot kind. I doubted myself, my mother believes stronger than ever that I am straight (it seems - she hasn't picked up on my excessively gender-neutral language when it comes to relationships - instead seeming to use more gender laden language for the both of us), and I feel like I have wasted much of my prep-work on them such as sending my father the very humorous "Heterosexuality Questionnaire", and an exploration of their beliefs ("what are your favorite passages in the bible? why? Is there anything that makes you wonder/feel uncomfortable? what are your thoughts on those passages?"). I needed to let that out, but also ask is it truly back to square one? worse? Why did I doubt myself so when I had no reason to? Most importantly, is the metal of their minds still hot for the striking - are they still as receptive to the idea of my not being straight? Note: never during any of the discourse did I agree that I would look for a "girl" only that the issue should be brought up in front of others, although I doubt the linguistic technicalities would have been noted on their part. Hope the above made sense. Ich bin tired, sad, und sick!
(*hug*) I wish I truly knew what to do in this kind of situation; the best advice I can offer you is to simply talk to one of them (I would suggest your father first, judging by what you said about your mum), they're still your parents, and probably think that this is only something that happens to 'other people's kids'. Just break it to them gently, and whatever you do, don't lose your temper if they react negatively. Show them that it's no different from 'finding the right girl'. Sorry if this isn't much help, but it's all I can really think of.
The only good time to come out to your parents, I've found, is "the past". Let's hope you can get there soon. Lex
It's tough to offer advice because it's a tough situation. I still have to come out to my parents, but they never ask about my personal life, why don't you find a girlfriend etc, so my situation is probably a lot safer to come out in. You thought this weekend was perfect, but you'll get another opportunity, and you should perhaps start by talking to your dad. They don't seem to be getting the hint that you're not interested in girls so telling them outright is really the only thing you can do
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. As mentioned above, try your dad first...maybe you need small steps at first...they will then lead to bigger ones. Keep it up..
Before I came out to my mom, I was preparing for at least 2-3 months and when I thought I reached the point of 'now-or-never', it took me a whole week - trying every day - to finally tell her. Don't worry, it's easier for some people, harder for others, but you'll succeed sooner or later
ah man sorry to hear of your painful situation. I dunno, i think some of the guys said it best, maybe you should bring your dad aside when its only the two of you and just tell him that "dad you keep asking me when am i going bring home a nice girl, but the truth is im never going too, iv never have been interested in girls and never will be, i am gay dad" something along those lines...i used that exact line almost...was scary at first, i waited on the stairs that go to the first level of my house for like 15mins just too scared to go upstairs to tell my dad...then i finally got the courage and just said" whatever, its mylife, its gona start now" and i went and talked with him. and he told my mom the next morning and they were both so cool about it...but now im back to my borring life still in teh same routine anyway...heres a good song..... "square one" by tom petty...very interesting song..suggest downloading it if you have limewire or something..:lol:
Your parents are probably the hardest people to tell this to. So don't beat yourself up. And don't stress out about the timing needing to be perfect. It will NEVER be perfect. And... while many of you might think your parents are kind of slow... they aren't going to 'forget' that you've asked them these things. You've planted the seed already. If they thought about the significance at all, they'll not have forgotten. But if it went right over their heads at the time, you're still no farther behind. Your mom may change her tune when she finds out. But you might want to talk to you dad first. Alternatively, decide that the next time they choose to discuss your lack of a personal life in front of others, come out to them then! You'll have 'witnesses' to the fallout - which might be kind of cool! Good luck. PM me any time if you want to discuss - as I can relate to the 'Canadiana' spin on things.
Whenever I came out I made sure me and one of my parents (my mom) were singled out. It took forever, but just before I went out to hang with friends I turned off the TV and told her. Doing something as simple as hitting the power button on a tv remote can open the floor to whatever you want to say and might give you some confidence. Coming out to someone while they are the only one there is way easier imo. Good luck Nitro!
Thanks for the support all. I've got to admit that the whole thing had me pretty down. Loosing my confidence in a moment like that feels pretty damn scary, but I hope the experience will leave me better able to tackle it again. I think I will take some time to cool off and recompose myself first though.
