I'm sitting in my bedroom, sick to my stomach that my mom may know I'm gay. I am having a hard time accepting it myself for her to know this soon. Throughout the past few days I've been overhearing my mom crying. She's with my dad, but neither say anything (or at least I can't hear them). I heard her crying again tonight, and I realized that she might have somehow found out about me if I left this site or something like this open. I think she would be accepting but I just can't have her know yet. I came out as "most likely gay" to one of my friends over text, but I didn't feel that relief I'm supposed to feel when coming out. I don't regret telling him, but I just can't come to terms with this now that it's a reality, and not just something that has been in my mind for years. It might just be paranoia (I had issues with this last year to the point I swear I was hearing things), and she could just be crying over a family member that passed away about a week or two ago. But I don't know that since I'm not sure how close they were. I woke up last week with this feeling that she found out. The thing is I'm pretty sure I am gay, but still feel like I need to try dating a guy first before I can come out, just to confirm I'm not bi. Sorry if I'm rambling, I just need to get this out because I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.
I'd like to hug you... hmmm... here, hope this helps (*hug*) If I were to take a guess I would say that she's crying for that family member. Cuz in general, when someone finds a site (porn, EC, etc) that reveals something like this, they confront you. So I would tell you, don't worry, if she suspects anything, she will probly tell you. And if she does suspect something, you could try telling her you are not sure if you're gay or you have yet to accept yourself. Hope this helps. Cheers.
Hello By the Sea, I agree with Martjain--she's probably crying for some other reason. If the suspense is killing you, why don't you simply ask her? I know it's scary, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the things we fear aren't nearly as bad as we think they are. If you ask her what's wrong, here are some possible outcomes: 1. She says she's sad over the loss of the family member. This gives you a chance to comfort her. 2. She says it's over something completely different. Same result--you can comfort her. 3. She says it's something she doesn't want to talk about. You can still tell her you're there for her if she ever does want to talk. That way, even if it is about you, you've kept the lines of communication open. 4. She says she's found out you might be gay. OK--sounds terrible, but it will give you an opening to talk about your feelings with her. You can ask her why it upsets her--it might not be for the reasons you suspect. You can perhaps talk through your conflicted feelings with her or ask her to help you find support in the way of a counselor. Even if she's not supportive, at least the air is clear--and you may find that as she comes to accept the idea, she becomes more supportive. I think your belief that she is crying over the fact that she found out you might be gay says much more about you and your own feelings of guilt or uncertainty. You're obviously very fearful of her finding something out and perhaps you're simply not ready to be confronted yet. Do you have someone you trust and can talk to about your feelings to help you sort them out? And if you are ready to talk to your mother, go ahead and do it. That way, the discussion will be on your terms rather than her coming to you (possibly upset) because she found something out and catching you off guard and not ready to talk. Just some thoughts. I hope they help. --Zoe
