I've decided, after much internal debate, I'm bi. I've been decidedly bi for 6 months now, and I've only told one person whom I trust dearly. However, I want to come out to the people around me who I love and spend vast amounts of my time with. The problem lies in the fact that everyone around me is tremendously homophobic. My family on my mothers side can be heard constantly bashing on homosexual and bisexual people. Normally, I'm indifferent- I rarely let the words of others affect me. But when my mom said that bisexuality is worse than homosexuality because its full of stupid people who can't decide, I was actually hurt. My mom an I have as plenty of fights- she's a back stabbed and a liar, and has ruined my life in more ways than I thought possible, but she's still my mother, and a part of me will always seek her approval. My dads side (they're divorced) could care less, but he's a stern man, so I always worry about telling him. I feel like he couldn't care less about my preference or the entire thing in general. Plus, my friends are extremely homophobic. I don't want to tell them for fear that they won't accept my company anymore :/ What should I do?
[/QUOTE] First. I want to recognize you for being a strong, understanding, kind and most of all Loving person a family could ever ask for. You are not alone in this and we are here to support you. Second. Always Know and Believe that your family Loves you very much (even though you may not see it right now) and that they want what it best for you always and all of the time! While sexual identity is important to each individual, it does not define who we are or who we become. Lastly. Coming Out is a Rite of Passage for GLBT people and is something that should and will be celebrated more and more in the near future. Being LGBT isn't easy, like many other "conditions" in life, in fact it is very much a hard process much as you are beginning to understand. It is because of those very difficult and challenging moments in life that you become a stronger, more understandable, loving person. There is something Magical and Beautiful about all of this if you can recognize what life is trying to leach you. Your probably wondering how is any of what you are going through positive. I'll mention a few. When your relatives are being judgemental it helps you be less judegemental, thus you have the inherent ability to tolerate people who are different than you, and this is a GREAT thing. When you say that on your dads side could care less, what they are saying is that they don't care if you are LGBT. Notably, if you are LGBT we look at it like they don't care about me or they don't accept me when that really isn't the case. I don't know how old you are but i'm 33 and it took me a long time to figure that out. Your family loves you because you love them back. Its that simple. Always think about what you can do for other people or in fact, other groups of people. I babysat a lot when I was growing up and this taught me alot about what it means to be a parent. That shit is hard work. Parents belong to a social group too and if you can use your imagination, have to answer to that group as well. Parents also make mistakes and so they to will be put down by their peers not because of what they did but by what they can do to correct for those mistakes in the future. So I say to you be an outstanding person take charge of who you are and who you will be. It is hard to find somebody to admire among the LGBT community. So when you can't find someone to admire or look-up to that means you have to become that missing link in your community give young kids who relate to you a reason to keep going. And guess what you are also helping other people at the same time. That is honorable, that is notable, that is news worthy. Good luck and reply to this. Let me know your thoughts on anything I've mentioned. -Alex
Thanks Alex. It's good to know I've at least someone to talk to. It's hard for me to find someone in the LGBT community in my town to look up to. South Texas isn't the most acceptive of anything or anyone out of the norm, but I'll push on ahead, just like I always have. Hopefully I'll get the courage to come out to everyone I want to soon and be a role model for the people I know who aren't going to. My mom is a bit of a wild card in this situation. She's never fully supported me- she says what I want to do for a living is stupid, she won't do anything for me unless it helps her first, and she talks about me behind my back, but I still want to tell her. I'm sure if things get bad I'll go live with my dad, but he lives 3 hours away from all my friends and my job, so that's a last choice kinda thing. I want to come out and be accepted, but I think I'll be turned away. I'm gonna tell my sister soon, she's always been there for me. Maybe my dad after that, but I might wait, it'll blindside him and he'll need a while.
