Hi This is my first time on this website. I am sixteen and I go to a school where i am the only out gay person. I know I am gay and I know that I cannot change my sexuality. But I really don't want to be gay. I wish that I could change my sexuality so that I don't feel so alone, and I find myself googling things like "is it possible to change your sexuality" on a regular basis, just because I want to find some way to escape this reality. I think the real problem is that I have no way to connect or relate in the school I go to, so I end up feeling really alone. I went to an LGBT youth group, but it really didn't seem like the thing for me. :help:
Hi and welcome to EC! Acceptance is a process, it's not an instantaneous thing, there is work to do to come to terms with who you are. Obviously you need companions on this journey, so welcome among us, we're here to help each other!
I am the only out gay person in my school as well, and I too felt lonely. However, I developed a relationship with one of my teachers, and when the time was right, I came out to him, despite everything he had done for me - I still didn't know how he would react, he could have been homophobic for all I know. He was there to comfort and support me even more, which I'm grateful for. Perhaps you could try gradually confide in one of your teachers? if there are any that you feel you can trust. Remember, the teachers are responsible for your well-being while you are at school, so they shouldn't do anything that you won't like. Talking to someone you can trust makes it so much better. You should try looking at it with a different mindset. You are in your early stages of realizing who you are, but the earlier you do, the easier it gets. Don't worry about being "different" from the rest of the crowd at school, if that's how you feel, which it seems. So: 1) Find someone to talk to about it, whether it be a close friend, adult or family member - as long as it's someone you know you can trust. 2) Start looking at yourself differently, don't hate who you are! When you wake up in the morning, and when you go to sleep at night - tell yourself you're gay and one day you'll have a great partner. Everything you feel now will be nothing.
I think you are lucky to even have a LGBT youth group that you can go to. From what I've seen, I don't seem to have any. And I'd really like to go. It might be scary and that, but I think it will be an unique experience and change my life positively. Considering your case, I just think you need to give it time. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it, but I have come out to my parents (even though we never talk about it, it's still awkward for me) and a few close friends (that I don't really know where I have them.) It was very awkward for me at first, but you get used to it with time, trust me. Your sexuality is just a little part of you, and trying to avoid it will only hurt you in the long run. Take the opportunities you have, like LGBT youth group, because many people don't have that I know it's selfish to ask this in someone elses post, but: how is a LGBT youth group like? I am afraid but really interested in finding one and being a part of it possibly.
I get where you're at, I to did not want to be gay for a long a time. It is somewhat lonely when everyone else is straight, and also I was afraid that people would treat me different. I hate to admitt it but I was actually disgusted with myself in the beginning. I thought I was this gross dyke, I was okay being bisexual, so I've been out as bisexual for 6 years. But it gets better. It. gets. better. Now I love loving girls, and I know my sexuality is just ONE part of me. But being gay is hard, you have to be stronger than most people to handle homophobia and questioning. But I promise it will get better <3