I don't really know how to explain this, to be honest. I suppose I just lack the motivation to get any work done, or practise for my music exams, or exercise, or anything like that. Truth is, I'm a bit of a mess. I've never been particularly popular in school, but it's been affecting me a bit more than usual lately. Once my friends from the UK left, I haven't gone out at all during the holidays, and my mum's noticed that. I don't want to disappoint her, she thinks my social life is improving, and that I'm working much harder. It's the work that's getting me down, I don't have all that much, technically, but it's quite important stuff. It's a piece of English coursework, and preparation for my French GCSE, which is coming up in about two weeks. Once again, this links back to my mum; she did French at university and wants me to do just as well as she did, and I would be so upset if I disappointed her. But I don't know what it is about me, I just can't work. When I start, even if I've got my computer off, no music playing, no distractions at all, everything just goes blank, and sometimes I even forget what I'm doing. I've only tried that a couple of times though, most of the time I just can't be bothered. It's such a terrible attitude to have, and I hate myself for it, but at the same time I can't seem to stop. I've left it all to the last minute, as is usual with me. I've got 3 days before term starts again, and am halfway through my English essay, and not far at all with my French. It's not as if the instructions aren't clear, I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but as I said, I'm just not motivated. I read some old primary school reports of mine earlier, and all the teachers wrote about what a kind hearted, hard-working little girl I was; that little girl who used to be me would be disgusted if she could see me now. I know I seem pathetic and self-pitying, but I'm at a loss for what to do to persuade myself to do anything.
Oh, bad luck (*hug*) I can't offer any advice but I can say I get this all the time as well. It's impending-GCSE rabbit-in-the-headlights syndrome.
I've taken a tip from a writer friend of mine. He says, "The hardest part is getting started. Once you've gotten started, it's easy to keep going." So he forces himself to write something - ANYTHING - to get himself going. He actually wrote the start of a newspaper article as "The tightwads up in their crystal towers aren't gonna let us have our fun, the bastards." That obviously didn't make it into the paper, but it got SOMETHING down. And then he could go from there. Lex
My suggestion... make a list of the things you need to do today. Put some personal stuff in as well as the school stuff. Then start - do something. And cross it off the list. I find that motivating - because I can say to myself "See! You ARE accomplishing things! Good job Jim! Keep going!" Sometimes I even say it out loud!
(*hug*) (*hug*) Sounds to me like you are a bit depressed. Depression saps all your energy and self discipline. I know that you don't want to disappoint your mum but I really do think you need to talk to your mum. Just tell her that you can't seem to motivate yourself to work like you used to and ask her to help you. Maybe you need a day out together just doing something fun, not thinking of your school work, not sorting out 'issues' just having fun and relaxing. This would make you feel better about yourself and you might be able to get down to some work afterwards. Kids often don't want to disappoint their parents and often parents don't realise the pressure that we put directly or indirectly on our kids. Tell your mum out straight that you want to make her proud of you, that you don't want to disappoint her, especially with your French exam, but that you are worried that you won't be good enough. She will undoubtedly find the words you need to hear to take the pressure off you. I doubt that she wants you to feel this way about her or the exams. Mum's want their kids to do well and do their best but not to the detrement of all else, especially your happiness.
