I realllllly want to come out, but every time I hear another friend of mine say an anti-gay comment, I go back into the closet. When people assume that I'm straight, they say some quite harsh homophobic comments. This is an everyday thing, And Im terrified. Before I realized I was gay, I didn't even notice these types of comments, yet now each one is a sting at my confidence. How do you deal with anti-gay comments that aren't necessarily rude, but sort of hurt your feelings? Examples from today and this past month: "KC, don't hang out with those drama kids, half of them say they r bisexual and the rest are all a bunch of confused teenagers. They are all f'ing gay" "I had to change with all of those gay girls and I felt so uncomftorable" "I don't believe you can be gay without trying out stuff" "She just wants attention"
Prove them wrong. They should feel bad for what they're saying because they have no idea what we feel, how confusing it can be and what some of us have to go through. They also have no idea that they're hurting you. If you hide in the closet, it will only get worse, and what they say will push you deeper in. If they're your friends, they should at least be willing to understand you.
This is why I finally came out. I wrote on FB (with proper privacy settings so it was visible to selected ppl) that 'everytime they use gay (or synonymes) as an insult or make other stupid comments about gay people they directly offend me, their friend'. This is part of a slightly longer post I put on my wall, roughly translated from my native language. One of my friends even apologized to me via text message shortly afterwards; they all stopped being jerks to me by using this kind of language. They actually aren't very homophobic. Problem that most people have is that a gay person is a clown in their minds, someone you laugh at. I came out to prove them wrong. More importantly, to make them think at least before they make such comment again. It's easy to insult anonymous gay people but a lot harder when you say it to your friend's face.
Thanks. I guess it just sucks that I'm not a stereotypical lesbian (I am very fem and girly and independent). I have high moral values and well, don't shown any signs other than not having any interest in guys.(which is in my opinion, a very obvious indicator)
Well I guess most of us had/has to deal with this kind of comments, and it can be a little more difficult when your in the closet. Before I came out to one of my best friends, she used to make some so it's been a little tough to come out to her..but finally did by email. It was shocking for her at the beginning but with time she started to accept it and to see that we are just like everyone else..
I have an apprentice that is so homophobic, and says the stupidest things, I have just come out, but not to people at work, I wanna shock him, and then make him get out of my van and leave him where he stands. And then the customers I have to deal with that also say the damnedest things, I correct them when I can, but I can't piss them off and lose the work either. When these people say things, they seem so stupid and not worth the time to correct them.
I've learnt to ignore these kinda comments. Sometimes I try get through to them that they're wrong, but old dogs can't learn new tricks. Some people are homophobic for attention or just to affirm their own sexuality. A lot of homophobic people don't even believe what they're saying, it's all just crap they've gotten from their parents or other idiots.
All i know is that high schoolers (if you're from the US, I'm talking about the approximate ages 14-18) are the stupidest, most judgmental people you'll ever meet. It doesn't matter if you're gay, a minority race, nerdy, pretty, ugly, whatever. High schoolers will judge and judge and judge. And they will gossip. Know that if you tell one person, the whole school will know. Maybe you're in college though, in which case I'm sure the freshmen are still acting like highschoolers, but the sophomores and higher will for the most part be too busy with their studies and hobbies and actual friends to have time to judge people like highschoolers do. You could always try coming out very slowly like I did. I was kind of a weird case, but basically I first just said "yeah, I would make out with a guy" when one of my friends asked me. I think the key is to be genuine and keep it on the downlow. Start with an understanding friend. Let them know that you're self conscious about it. People will only think you're trying to get attention if you're stuck up about it or talking about it all the time. Well, there will always be the idiots who think you're trying to get attention just based on the fact that they heard you are a lesbian. Which makes no sense. "Did you hear the rumor that so-and-so is a lesbian. The whole school is talking about it. Pretty much everyone except her are all talking about it. Such an attention whore." They're all idiots. Idiots will be idiots wherever you go. Their opinions don't matter, because they are stupid. Seek out the few smart people in your life and spend your time with them.
