Hello, I was on this site quite some time ago but managed to pack up some of the stuff I've been feeling. Perhaps needless to say, I still know that I am a lesbian, but am still in a relationship with a man. We live together and are both on the lease. When I was here before, I was in denial. But now I've come to terms with the fact that I am gay. I've always known, and honestly, so has everyone else. Does anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences? The lease is not up until December. I don't know if I should come out soon or wait until closer to that time. Both of us are kinda broke - we are both in our early 20s with no financial support from parents or anything like that. We live paycheck to paycheck and it's tough. We are also both relatively new to this city, and have very few connections. I do make more money than he does, so I know that I would be fine on that end, but I'm worried about how badly this will screw him over. He wanted to start taking some classes at community college, and now he won't be able to. The guilt is crushing me and part of me just wants to get it over with. Another part of me doesn't want to live in a tiny one-bedroom with my ex, so I kinda want to wait until closer to December. No one has ever loved me as much as he loves me, and living with him while he is upset and trying to cope would be way too hard on me. (Is that selfish?) That being said, even without the question of my sexuality, there have been other reasons that this relationship is not making me happy at all. :bang:
I remember I used to date a girl, and during the time that I was dating her, I thought I was bi, but eventually came to terms with being gay, so I broke up with her. 4 years later, we are best friends. Like super best friends. We wouldn't be able to live without eachother now. Your situation sounds like it'll just keep getting worse if you keep living a lie. He'll get more attached over time and you'll get more frustrated. Maybe you could start with just telling him that you like girls (knowing how most men are, you'll probably have to emphasize on "No threesomes!"), see how that goes, wait a while, then tell him you don't like guys. Don't do the "rip it off like a band-aid" method. That way never seems to work. People act crazy when they're shocked with new information. If you ease him into understanding you, and if he really does love and care for you, he'll understand. You have to give him the time to understand though. You have to be honest. Living a lie always leads to disaster. Just ease him into the truth. Show him that you want his support, that you need his support. Avoid "proving a point" or "arguing that you're right". In the end, you might have to let him think it was his decision to "let you go". He sounds like a good guy. Maybe you guys can stay friends, maybe best friends. You will most likely have to wait to move out before you bring any girls home though.
