No Pride

I get ya.

I would rather blend in than anything. (very easy right now considering I am not out to many people)

 

One of the first things I thought was... It comes with the territory. Much like being a celebrity includes paparazzi, we are about making statements. Even if you don't make a statement and are trying to live a "traditional" like, you are still saying that you don't want to take part in it.

BUT! I definitely know there are plenty of people who feel the same way you do. I don't think pride parades are bad. My issues, however, are that I don't feel connected. Maybe you feel the same way?
Something like a pride parade assumes that you just get along with your fellow community and that you love everyone and all that jazz. That's at least how I see it. I have issues with guys and not feeling accepted....

Don't feel bad for feeling like this...but maybe you could look into reasons as to why you might not?

 

I think pride is actually a pretty silly word.

I prefer to think of myself as gifted.

 

I agree with the OP here.
Why would I be "proud" to be gay if gay is the way I was born? It's like being "proud" of being white, or black, or left handed. You should be proud of the things you accomplish with your life, not of some arbitrary feature that you were born with.

As long as you're not ashamed, you don't need to be proud.

 

I don't look at it as I'm proud to be gay, I look at it as I'm proud to be myself.

 

1. The idea behind gay pride isn't that we're proud of being gay. What we're proud of is the fact that we live in a world that tells us we shouldn't like ourselves because we're gay, and yet we like ourselves anyway. And when you think about it, that really is an accomplishment.

2. Pride parades are pretty fun. They're worth going to for the fun of it, and also because of the camaraderie you'll feel seeing so many people there for a common purpose. It's like the camaraderie you feel being at a concert.

I hate to say it, but you're going to make a statement no matter what you do. Even just living your life without actively making a statement is making the statement that being gay is no more remarkable a part of who you are than whether you're right- or left-handed, or whether you're a morning person or night-owl. In a lot of places in this day and age, that's still a pretty bold sentiment.

So since you're going to make a statement no matter what you do, in my humble opinion, you might as well have fun doing so.

 

But she doesn't think pride parades are fun... so I guess just keep doing what she's doing is what I would advise.

 

Im not a pride march kinda person. It comes across as too camp and statementy (not a word, i know) for me personally.

Doesnt mean i dislike who i am. Most days im content with whatever sexuality i turn out as. I do think pride marches have done some good making being "queer" more mainstream and acceptable though.

 

I understand your reasoning, and it makes tons of sense.

However, that being said, pride parades, in my opinion aren't about showing off our sexual orientation or gender identity and rubbing it in the straight community's face.

To me, they are simply about raise the awareness that we are indeed humans as well, and not to be discriminated against. Also to change the laws that would discriminate us. Such as a former law in my state (Texas) that used to ban homosexual behavior in public, or a current one which is still in affect that permits businesses to fire an employee based on orientation or gender identity.

It's simply about raising the awareness of discrimination for some people, and obtaining similar, if not the same rights as straight couples.

 

I always say "I don't have pride, but I'm not ashamed; but I will represent if I need to."

Even as a gay man, I feel that pride parades are way too fruity for my personal taste. It's things like that made me hesitate to accept myself as queer. But if you're into that, go for it.

 

What's stopping you from continuing to do so? Because... replace "girls" with "boys" in the above, and it's exactly what I do: 99% of my time, I do the exact same things, in the exact same places, with the exact same people as I did before I came out.

And yes, they know I'm gay and on occasion, it begets odd misunderstandings. Sometimes one or more of them have this odd curiosity about it and I end up spending half the evening discussing what it's like to be gay. Sometimes they make jokes about it. So it's not a big elephant in the room. But mostly? We just do what we did in the 25 years before I came out.

Now don' get me wrong, I'm all in favour of GLBT rights and brother/sisterhood and all that. I wouldn't spend time on EC if I didn't care about it. But I don't think it needs to be any factor in your life if you don't want it to.

 

I think of it as a bunch of people on each side of a long rope, both groups pulling in each their direction. On one side you have the intolerant, the oppressing, the "hide, be silent" people. On the other, you have people who refuse to hide, who refuse to pretend, who won`t let themselves be pulled across that line. The ground under the intolerant represent shame and repression. The ground under those who pull back represent acceptance and freedom. Being gay in itself is no more great than being straight. It just is. Unchangeable and undeniable. But if nobody pulls the rope, we`ll let ourselves be pulled into shame and repression. It`s not about making a statement or acting out. It`s about expressing joy and acceptance of who we are and that we are free to express it. In some countries, participating in a pride parade would mean a death sentence or a jail cell. A pride parade is a celebration of freedom and rights. And I am grateful I can participate in one without the fear of getting persecuted. A lot of our LGBT people do not have that luxury. A lot of our LGBT people, especially the T are still harassed and persecuted for simply being themselves, and visibly so.

So, being gay might not be something to be proud of, because we don`t decide our own sexuality, but being visible, accepting and happy, that`s something to be proud of. That we can stand together and express ourselves without fear, that`s something to be proud of. Also, it can be a combination, I think, when I participate in the parade, of a lot of other things I am proud of, like the acceptance of my family, the laws of my country, the progress we are making. I am proud over the people who gather to watch, to cheer, who participate with an open heart and who LGBT or not just want to have a good day and show their acceptance. It`s a welcome contrast to the bleak intolerance that exist everywhere despite the progress we`ve made.

Last year I watched with an American couple, a straight couple, who watched the parade talking about how they always supported LGBT rights, and their trans* relative who had recently come out as a transwoman. It was very interesting to me, because even though we didn`t know each other and would on any other occasion not have a reason to strike up a conversation, we did so then because of the parade and had a very interesting conversation. It`s that spirit of the parade, when people are happy and there`s a good atmosphere, people can connect despite of differences in nationality or social status. It`s a great thing to experience, these lines between strangers suddenly non-existing because you have something wonderful that everyone can participate equally in.

That`s what pride-parades are all about to me. People who act, dress and are joyous just the way they want to be as who they are, without shame or hiding, because they have the right to, or should have it! Whether you walk in a parade, or just look at yourself in the mirror in the morning saying; "I`m okay. My life is okay, and who I love, it`s all okay. I accept and cherish that", it doesn`t matter how you do it, but the fact that we do it one way or the other is important. And despite whatever negative effects a pride parade might have, give the wrong impression of LGBT lifestyles, the fact that we get to have it, that the people in it can freely express themselves and dare to to so, it`s important in my opinion. It`s not a statement of pride as much as it is an expression of freedom and the visibility of people who are different from what a lot of people consider the normal.

I can get that it is not everyone`s thing, but I don`t get hating it. Unless who you are is hurting someone, expressing yourself freely shouldn`t cause hate in others. In a parade, people are happy, and happy people make me feel more happy, so I love parades. Sometimes it`s tough to accept ourselves for various reasons, but we shouldn`t really hate on others for being able to do what we cannot. Possible negative effect of a pride parade is another topic, nothing is ever purely positive or negative I think :icon_wink

---------- Post added 28th May 2013 at 05:15 AM ----------

Self-acceptance is not automatic. It can be a tough thing to accomplish for a lot of people, so I think someone who achieves it has every right to be proud that he/she is capable of accepting her-/himself. If self-acceptance was a given thing to accomplish, we wouldn`t having to many people struggling to accomplish it, regardless of it being due to sexuality, physical features or any other reason.

 

I agree that having pride in one's sexuality is kind of strange. Homosexuality isn't better or worse than any other sexuality, its just another state of being. However, I do like pride events (though perhaps it could do with some renaming). For me, they aren't about pride, but about a) giving lgbtq people a community and b) visibility, and a demand for equality and acceptance. IMO, theres nothing wrong with areas that primarily deal with LGBT people and topics.

 

I understand what you mean by not being proud of being gay, that it's not an accomplishment. But pride parades are the only occasion you can show people that we exist and we are everywhere, that we're not some mythical creatures. It's about visibility and our right to be openly gay and proud for one day.

I know most people say the glittery and over the top dresses are unnecessary and give out the wrong message but if it wasn't for them, it might not attract as much attention, positive or negative. And even then, those who hate gay people, would find something else to criticize. I might have gone off topic with this. What I wanted to say was, if you have the opportunity & means to go to pride, you should. There are a lot of people in the world who can't and the more people show up, the better.

I personally would love to go to pride, unfortunately I can't this year. Maybe next year. (If it won't be banned.) Mostly it's an issue of money for me but also fear. It would be a 3 hour journey just to get there and I'm a bit scared that some of the protesters would be organized and would travel to the capital specifically for this and they'd somehow knew I went there. And I really don't need to hear people shouting various homophobic slurs and death threats at me during the parade. And what if they'll follow some of the people who took part in the parade and I'd be alone and an easy target. Also there will be lots of police, but a few years ago someone managed to throw acid into the crowd. Probably that's why it's such a high profile event (for the police), they close down whole streets so that any objects that might be thrown from the pavement would not harm anyone.
This is why I think if it's a safe event, you should go, for all of us who can't.:newcolor:

BTW, these protesters I've mentioned are not the 'you'll go to hell because you're against god's plan' type. They are very radical ones, who go and protest against minorities, the government and physically assault the police. They wreck governmental buildings, they are at football matches shouting racist abuse at the opposite team, and generally take part in every violent protest. I honestly believe they could kill someone if they thought he/she was gay, and use that as an excuse to justify it to themselves. They are extremely dissatisfied with life and want to blame their problems on others. There are the kind you wouldn't want to meet anywhere.

 

I second that from a lesbian prospective , just because you like women romantically doesn't mean you cant keep the same friends and do the same thing , I like you have mostly straight female friends and there just my friends who have known me since aged 7 , before I even knew what gay was, yes my sexuality comes up in conversation but its just my friends making sure I am okay with myself and I talk about relationships and girls who I think are fit just the way they talk about guys. You don't suddenly have to start hanging out with boys and playing rugby , adopting loads of cats and walking around with a rainbow flag if you don't want to because your a lesbian ,our still you , but some people do choose to live that way. I have never actually been to pride but I view the people that go as celebrating the acceptance they have for themselves despite predjustisces or bullying , and some just want to party and get drunk and meet other gay people and that's okay too. I say do what you wanna do if you wanna stay at home and not go to pride than that's cool too

 

I'm not a pride person really. I'm very subtle about being gay, since I feel it's such a small part of me.

 

I don't really care. If someone wants a parade, they can do it, but I might not want to be a part of it.