Wow I'm so glad I've found this website. I'm 31, have been married to the best guy in the world for the past 7 years but am in love with my best friend. I met this friend at work (she's gay, not openly) she's been with her partner 9 years. Recently my husband and I decided to move to the other side of Australia for work commitments. I didn't want to leave my friend but thought if I was not seeing her everyday I could possibly go back to being happily married. Big mistake - when I told her I was leaving she was devastated..her and her partner started having problems and have since separated. I've been into her for the past 3/4 years and I honestly thought she felt the same..we would tell each other everything, tell each other we love them..(I of course meant the headover hills, smitten in love way)*Living on the other side of the country hasn't helped and I got really depressed. I finally plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt...(I didn't have the guts to do it over the phone so I did it over email) This was January and I've not heard from her since..I'm gutted. Not of the fact that she doesn't feel the same but that she would rather never speak to me again instead of talking it through..OMG it's such a mess, all I want to do is talk to her but she's not returning calls/texts/emails. I've well and truly stuffed up our friendship and I don't know what to do..I can't imagine never seeing her again, it's killing me inside.
First things first, welcome to EC. (*hug*) Now, into the fray! Are you certain she even read the email? It's entirely possible, if you've heard NOTHING from her, that she's no longer using that email address. Just tossing possibilities. Now here's the hard truth of it, most lesbians run like hell from bicurious women. There is this idea that bi and bicurious women are certified heartbreakers who just toy with women when their bored and/or want male attention. I know this is bullshit and you deeply care about this women, but this stereotype just won't seem to go away and may be effecting the way your friend is reacting to your declaration of feelings. Or maybe after ending a 9 year relationship she's just not ready for something like this? Take a deep breath, and write her a letter. Then burn it and think really hard about what you want and what you're trying to achieve here. Are you wanting to divorce your husband and move back across country to be with her? Have you been attracted to women before? Are you SEXUALLY attracted to her? Or is something more romantic, but sexless? I know I'm asking some tough, blunt questions but this is a pretty serious thing you're talking about here.
Yes I'm positive she's read the email. Up until the day I sent it we would be in contact daily and then nothing.. I should have given her more time before speaking to her about my feelings especially since it was no time since she had broke up with her partner. Believe me if I could go back and change things I would and if I knew she'd react like this I would have never blurted out how I felt. I miss everything about her and curse myself every day for pushing her away like this.. The thought of divorce makes me so scared. I'm pretty dependent on my husband and the thought of being on my own scares the sh*t out of me. To make matters even more difficult my twin sister is married to my husband's brother so if I decide to do anything it's going to destroy the whole family. Me being happy will result in all my family being devastated and I'm not sure if I can bring myself to do that. This isn't the first time I've felt like this about another women. Deep down my husband knows as he keeps making little remarks about women and how I'm into them..When I'm with my husband intimately I'm thinking of my friend and I think he picks up that when we start to get close I put up this brick wall.. God what a mess..
Hi Ems1981, nice to meet you! I'm new here. Just read your story, how are you? My situation is a bit similar to yours, I fell for my friend, it's my first time falling for a woman, she's straight.... Hope you have sorted things out with your friend. PS We are geographically very close!! Violet xx
