I'm in a weird place: just finished school; no luck so far finding a job; moving back with parents soon; not out to any family members; intensely alone, even when surrounded by friends and family; debating whether I should remain single forever; self-esteem and confidence are way down; still a virgin with no sexual experience; never been in love (obviously); untrusting of anyone physically and emotionally; struggling with depression, social anxiety, panic attacks, ADD; feel like time is slipping away; scared to tell family I'm most likely gay (sense of sexuality is confusing)... I'm not enjoying my life like I should be. I don't remember the last time I felt completely happy. There's always that annoying tinge of isolation and silence I feel in my heart. It's truly keeping me from being a complete person. I feel like I need to distance myself more from my family, then come out through a letter. I kinda don't want anyone who is currently in my life back in my life after I come out, out of shame I guess. I want to sever my ties and start completely new, but I feel I'd be more lost than ever in doing so. I can't wait until I'm older so my biological self will strive less to find a companion to spend my life with. If I could just kill my biological self and run completely on logic, that'd be awesome.
I definitely know many of those feelings you are going through right now. The only difference is I am now at a point where I am excited about attempting a relationship at some point in the future. You are a few steps ahead of me in that a few people know you are gay. Can you reach out to those folks for support? Also I picked up a book called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown based off a recommendation from Chip. It's not LGBTQ specific, but it is all about dealing with and overcoming shame. It appeals to my logical side as so much of it is based on rigorous scientific research. Feel free to shoot me a message any time you are feeling down!
