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Very anxious about my future, need to sort things!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by comingdownagain, May 28, 2013.

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  1. comingdownagain

    comingdownagain
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    Right then, here goes...
    I cannot begin to imagine what the next few months are going to be like for me if you can just picture for a second how I'm feeling at the minute. I am in the closet for lots of reasons that I won't go into in depth - my entire environment seems hostile to anyone who isn't straight, mainly my family and friends. The biggest, biggest problem is that I have been in a straight relationship for over 4 years now - I am now facing daily strain, anxiety and despair because of my situation, which affects my work, socialising and general wellbeing. I am being as anonymous as possible out of fear about talking about my sexuality. I really need to talk to someone who won't judge me because I don't think I've ever felt so scared in my life - this is happening because I am facing the prospect of my girlfriend wanting to move in with me when all I want is to be with a guy that loves me. Just typing this out is causing me a lot of fear so I'll end here for now and hope that somehow this will all get sorted out. Sorry if this all sounds melodramatic! I'm definitely not someone who would spill their emotions like this normally, but I guess it's come to crunch time for me now - I have to get help or just face utter desperation. To anyone able to help, thanks for reading this - you don't know how much I appreciate it!:icon_sad:
     
    #1 comingdownagain, May 28, 2013
  2. shane24

    shane24
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    I have been in your exact situation and let me say you are NOT alone. Anxiety is a terrible thing and it's good you're aware and taking steps to improve your life. I personally didn't come out to my girlfriend, I just ended it. So maybe you should focus your efforts on how to let her go easily and gently first. Then, you can focus on yourself. Coming out to yourself is a tough but essential step that may take time. Once your there, there are tons on people on this website and in countless other LGBT support groups to guide you. Hope this helped some.
     
    #2 shane24, May 29, 2013
  3. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hello Coming Down,

    Tough situation you're in. It's so difficult to be in an environment you won't think will support you in one of the most important things in your life. But I'll second Shane's comment: You are not alone. There are lots of us struggling to find ways to tell the people we're involved with that we're gay or bi or whatever. For some of us, me included, it's our spouse.

    I would say you do need to find some way of breaking it off with your girlfriend before she moves in. Once that step is taken, it will get much more emotionally difficult to tell her the truth or break up the relationship in some other way. Trust me on this.

    And once you do come out, you'll find a lot of your stress is alleviated, and you'll be able to move forward with what you want out of life.

    And no matter what you're going through, rest assured that there is someone here who has dealt with the same or similar situation and who can offer support and advice.

    I would also recommend seeing a therapist or similar person if that is a possibility for you. Having someone neutral to hear your thoughts and then help you sort them out is invaluable. She can help you see your situation from a different perspective, and sometimes, that's all that's needed. I know that's been the case for me.

    --Zoe
     
    #3 Zoe, May 29, 2013
  4. comingdownagain

    comingdownagain
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    Thanks shane24 and Zoe - I've been wondering who might reply to my first post all day! I've read every word you've both said and it's great to finally be able to talk about my sexuality, even if it's only through messages like these. I hope that I can try and rebuild my life basically (seems weird saying that at only 22!). Glad I am taking steps whilst I'm still the age I am but it's just finding my feet and getting the right sort of help. Obviously all I want is to be able to meet a guy who loves me and I love him but I know I've got to go through a lot to get there - I'm not deluding myself with that, and have mentally gone through all that countless times since I knew I was never going to spend the rest of my life with a girl.

    The thought of therapy also makes me nervous - my upbringing has always made me feel like therapy is for people who are mentally disturbed or otherwise 'weird' in some way, even that makes me hate myself. I know that it would help me though - do you know how I could access this help? Would I need to go through my doctor (I'm from the UK, by the way).

    Also, this is the most important bit of this post - I have a friend who is openly gay who I would like to talk to openly about my feelings, I think I could trust him but just need a bit of advice - because he might know what it's like for me at the minute, should I talk to him about it if I get the chance? Thanks for your help!
     
    #4 comingdownagain, May 29, 2013
  5. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hello Again,

    Sorry--I can't help you with finding a therapist. I have no idea how that works in the UK. Here, it varies by your insurance company. Despite how you were raised to think, I can assure you that all sorts of people go to therapists. Usually, people go to help them sort through a specific issue, not because they're troubled in general, if that makes any sense.

    And I would absolutely talk to your friend--you may not even wait until you get a chance. You may want to seek him out and schedule a time to get together. If you trust him, he seems like an excellent resource.

    --Zoe
     
    #5 Zoe, May 29, 2013
  6. comingdownagain

    comingdownagain
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    Hi Zoe - thanks for your help, I will see what I can find in the way of seeing a therapist although because I am effectively experiencing depression I think we go through our doctor in Britain. Anyway, I'll start looking into that.

    I'm really glad you think it's a good idea to talk to my friend who is openly gay. It's a shame I can't say I've known him years or anything like that but bottom line is I do trust him. Hope I don't end up burdening him with my problems or if he feels a bit uncomfortable with me wanting to talk to him - its probably just me because of my anxiety with talking about my sexuality to someone. I think it should be ok though and I reckon will help ease my depression a bit anyway. Gotta think positive!
     
    #6 comingdownagain, May 29, 2013
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