Outed

Oh. my. I'm so so so sorry to hear this. I really do not know what to say, as I can not relate to what you must be going through, but I'm here to emphasize!

Why did your "friend" do this to you?! This is just uncalled for and down right dirty.

Perhaps have you considered getting to your parents first? You mentioned them reacting negatively so I'm not sure how this would play out. Did the other person you talked to have good advice or anything that can help us figure something out?

EC is here for you!

 

I'm so sorry! I would have similar problems if such a thing happened to me. Actually, my grandparents are southern so.

It's kind of a would you rather type situation now. Would it be better for you to tell them, or for them to find out off the street? I wish you much luck in all of this, as well as my condolences. If all else fails, Google a safe place.

 

Some friend!

I wish I had some great advice. The only thing I can come up with is the obvious suggestion of lying when the question of your orientation comes up. Yes, it's a lie...but sometimes that's necessary for survival.

I'll give this situation more thought.

But know this: my thoughts (and many others here at EC, too, I'm sure) are with you.

 

Dude I am so sorry this happened. Sounds like your friend wasn't a good friend after all...I don't really know what to say. I read your posts all the time and you seem like a great and friendly guy who doesn't deserve something like this.

I would say maybe you should tell your parents on your own terms while you have the chance, but are you sure you'd be kicked out? I'm nervous to tell my parents but I know I won't be kicked out...I can't even imagine.

I would be so upset in your position, but you must be strong and continue to endure...someday you'll look back at this and think about how this made you a stronger person. And if it means anything congrats on graduating.

I'm sending you my thoughts...I know you'll get through this.

And BMC77 is right...lie if it's your only option. Do whatever keeps you safe.

 

One other thought: there is a chance it'll never reach your parents. Keep in mind the people doing the talking are your age, and, generally, many teenagers avoid older people, thinking they are the "enemy." Let's hope that happens this time.

 

I am so sorry to hear what happened (*hug*)

Were the receptions good or bad so far?
Do you have any back up plan in case the worse?

and in case your parents know the news in the future, unless they know the rumor by name, play it off as some other people? idk. i think you might be in small town?

EDIT:
what is "walk on hot pavement"?

and as for facebook friend, whatever, it's less notifications for you~

 

For the time being lie your ass off.

That's not going to work forever, so you're going to need to form a plan.


Are you going away to college in the fall? Have you gotten your financial aid and stuff squared away? If not get that paper work in NOW, in case the shit hits the fan with your parents in the coming weeks.

Get a job, like tomorrow go pound the pavement and start filling out applications. It's easier to find a job when you have an address. Save every penny. You'll need it if you get kicked out, and if you don't get kicked out you might need it if you go away to school and your parents stop supporting you financially.

(*hug*)

We're all thinking of you and we're here to listen and help out anyway we can. You will get through this.

 

P.S. Maybe look for a cheaper school? One you can cover with financial aid and a part time job? Just as a back up. You could even go ahead and apply in secret, just to have your ducks in a row if the worst happens.

 

Don't know if this idea for a cover story would fly... Other's opinions are welcome here. But possibly you could claim a huge falling out with the friend who outed you. And, so, in revenge, that friend started a vicious rumor. I can't speak about your parents, or parents in general...but it does sound believable to me.

Another thought: if worse comes to worst, and you get kicked out, talk to your college's financial aid office. They might have solutions for working around the loss of funding.

 

No matter what stories or lies you might tell, it's probably better to keep the story simple. And also have it thought it in advance. Obviously believable for you and your life. And don't rehearse too much. You don't want to sound like you are reciting lines you've practiced 500 times!

 

I am so sorry sugar. You have every right to be pissed as hell and yell your head off at your "friend" and then never speak to him again.

I understand you wanting to know why, but chances are the idiot didn't think it through far enough to even have a why. Some people are just mindless and self centered.

 

Hi BornInTexas,

So sorry to hear about what has happened - it is the reason that I won't tell a soul, for fear of it getting round to my parents, so I can totally empathise.

You mentioned that you tried to come out to your parents before but passed it off as a joke later - perhaps you could use this as the 'source' of the rumours? If - and only if - your parents do confront you about the rumours, you could dismissively say that they started from the 'joke' that you made, i.e. you made the same joke to your friends and then it passed around? This would probably only really work if you made that 'joke' to them fairly recently, otherwise they will be suspicious as to why the rumours have only started now, rather than at the time that you made that 'joke'.

Hope this helps you in some way, even if it just lets you know that people on EC are here for you (*hug*)

Good luck!

 

Oi, this is why I hate small towns. Basically cesspools of gossip and no way to hide.


I can't advise much more than has already been said, but I can say I know the feeling, and good luck. EC is here for you (*hug*).

 

Ugh! Dude, I'm so sorry to hear this.(*hug*)

Ok damage control and contingency plans:

What about a preemptive strike? Specifically go to your parents (maybe mom first) very angry and upset that your 'friend' has started this rumor apparently based on the 'joke' of you being gay in the past. You just had a falling out with em and they dug up this old joke thing (which you can say they knew was a joke) and stabbed you in the back with it. Basically get your story out there first. Go to your mom first with the story because you're upset and worried it will get to your dad and can she help you tell him about this awful rumor your ex-friend has started? Etc. etc.

The best lies are those with the most truth in them.

Contingency plans - these if you can't get this turned around or just decide to come out or the like:

You mention a bank account. Can your parents access it or close it? If yes,then you need to change the account now. You also need to consider having some cash immediately to hand.

Do you have a cellphone and if yes, who owns the acct? If you lose your cell, what options do you have? Not sure if you cando a prepaid from Walmart or the like, but maybe look into that.

Where can you access Internet other than home? Friends? Local library? Coffee shop w free wifi? Elsewhere? Also who is your ISP? Who owns that acct? What can you do if that goes away?

College - look into financial aid options, work on campus options, community college options (especially in your first 2yrs or so comm college is a perfectly viable option in many cases).

Family and friends - is there anybody that you could live with if necessary? Think in terms of you being safe and possibly out in an accepting environment w/o regard to distance. Getting there is a separate issue from having a there to go to if needed.

Ok all I've got for the moment. I know it sucks to have to think about the above, but better to do it ahead of time and never need it than to need it and have put no thought into it.

Take care. You're in my thoughts.

Todd

 

Todd, you raise some good points.

A couple of thoughts: first, maybe this varies state to state, but I'd assume that anyone under 18 would have to have a parent on the bank account. If this is the case, BornInTexas, you might consider getting a new account ASAP after turning 18. What to do until then is a problem. I really don't recommend carrying a huge bundle of cash.

In case you lose the cell phone, a prepaid phone is easy to get. The one problem: many prepaid plans are not cheap if you actually use the phone. A plan where you get a huge block of minutes--or, ideally--unlimited minutes would be a better idea if you actually use the phone a lot. Some prepaid plans even include Internet.

As for ISP, the important thing isn't the ISP, but things like e-mail accounts. If you, like many, use something like GMail, you can take use that anywhere. But if you have an important e-mail account tied to your family's ISP, you'd better at least make sure you have a list of important contacts. It might not be a bad idea migrating to GMail or something.

 

I always find myself reading you posts Texas... i may not always agree with your views but i respect your hearing what you have to say...im really sorry this happened to you and im concerned for your well being. i honestly think that u should be forced to go the route of either telling your parents before they hear about it or wait for them to make their move. JUST LIE! it sucks, i get pissed when i have to lie on a job application let alone not being honest about who you are but when it comes to safety, and not jeopardising your future (financially and academically) then its worth it to lie.

let us know what u decide to do. i really wanna push you to lie about it...i don't want anything bad to happen to you. you have your whole life ahead of you to come out, at least wait till you can support yourself with out your parents. good luck bud.