First of all a hearty hi from me This is my first post so be gentle lol I'm guessing I'm not the only newbie to skirt past the welcome forum and sprint for the advice but anywho So I have snooped about and read some amazingly encouraging coming out stories as well as some that want to make me hide under my bed. I was just curious as whether you think perhaps it's best if I stay firmly rooted in the closet? :/ even though suddenly I'm now thinking empty closets isn't the best place to post that line. It's just, I know it's super difficult to come out for fear of rejection. In fact I have felt it first hand myself. This isn't coming out as coherent as I'd hoped. So a little background! Horrah! I know how you love to read these things. I went to an all girls school for most of my school life but I got transferred from the age of 9 to 12 to a private school. That was when I started to kinda develop funny feelings for some of my classmates and then when I hit high school (12+) I was sort of overcome with all these labels. Needless to say I blurted out that I was bisexual, desperate for a name for all of this weirdness going on with me. It spread like wild fire and I got bullied mercilessly. I only really had one true friend who stuck by my side and we're still best friends which is great. She just doesn't really know how to advise me being as straight as they come if you know what I mean. Well, so the bullying escalated and apparently there was a tip off and my parents ended up being called in. I got called into the office on a separate occasion. I was so confused and it was really bad. She asked me why I thought I was there and I blurted out because I was biseuxal. The look on her face was truly priceless given it was a catholic school. She said that no it was actually about my self harm. But that's besides the point. I'd basically shot myself in the foot because the teacher then told my parents about my sexuality even though that wasn't what they'd originally been called in to discuss. The thing is I'm best friends with my mum. My Dad has anger issues so...yeah that's another story. I tell her everything and she advises me. But I think this is just too much even for her. We spent a couple years avoiding the subject because I needed to focus on my studies and try and get my head straight. Ha, for lack of a better word...But even after all of that, I mean it's been eight years, I can't get her to really engage in a conversation with her. She says things like it's a phase and that. I think the only other family member that knows is my cousin and I'm lucky she's so cool with it. I know she covers for me because my auntie's have become suspicious and asked her but she's shot them down. She says stuff like, well mate, that's a bloody long phase heh. I feel like in that aspect I really haven't developed as a person and I'm 20 now. It's like, I want to experience things. I want to go to a gay club or whatever and just expose myself so I can learn more about myself. I just feel like I'm going behind my mum's back. The thing is though we're not a deeply religious family or anything, we are indian. Our culture is so...ugh. I mean, seriously can you actually name a single indian lesbian? We're really backwards...I genuinely think I will be chucked out the house or worse. My dad has...issues expressing himself. He's ill and I don't want to drag him down further. But I feel like I'm passing my sell by date and I haven't even done or felt anything for fear of displeasing people. I mean, I don't really know what I am even now. I like girls, I like guys, I like girls who were guys and guys who were girls. I'm horny as fuck and don't even know what the hell to do with that. Given I'm 'female' doesn't my constant fixation on sex make me strange? I like wearing boxers, I like wearing skirts. That makes me even weirder right? I mean, how could my culture even be ready for something as peculiar as me? I can't bring shame on my family. Is it better to just keep quiet as I am?
No, actually, although women aren't supposed to admit to sexual feelings, most women are about as interested in sex as men are.
Hi The Enchanted, First of all, congratulations on having been so honest with yourself from such a young age, especially since you're from an Indian family and a Catholic school! Many people spent years and years in denial before acknowledging their sexuality. I've noticed, though, that you refer to yourself as 'weird' - if wearing boxers and skirts etc. is comfortable for you, then it's not weird! It's perfectly normal to want to be comfortable with yourself. Also, as Ettina has pointed out, many women are very interested in sex, but do not talk about it as freely as men. Your age and your pent-up frustration due to not being able to be open and explore your sexuality may also be contributing factors. Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself which is more important; your family's reaction/honour in the community, or living your life true to your wishes? If I were you, then I would keep quiet to my family until I fell in love with a girl and couldn't hide it i.e. if it became a serious relationship. After all, as you are bisexual it's only a possibility that you will fall in love with a girl somewhere down the line, so why come out to them before that happens? You may find yourself in heterosexual relationships before then. I would still say, though, that you should continue to explore your sexuality - perhaps go to gay bars etc. If you are at university/living away from home, this should be much easier to do without your parents finding out. Good luck!
Hi The Enchanted! SO I can kind of empathise here (kind of..) I'm half Indian, half Italian. I have only recently come to accept my sexuality and I was debating when I go home whether to tell my parents. It's also a funny coincidence because my cousin would be so cool with it if I came out to her (I think I might do that first!) However, on multiple occasions my dad has made remarks about the LGBTQ community which have made me climb deeper into the closet!! I don't think you should feel weird at all It's perfectly natural to have sexual feelings - I certainly have them! I plan on going to a gaybar soon, especially when away from home, and I also had the worry that I shouldn't because it's lying to my parents. But, I've also taken on the thought as mentioned by Islander - I don't plan on telling them until I meet someone special! (Or unless a good opportunity arises..) Basically don't think your weird because you're not Explore and have fun and best of luck on whatever you choose to do! Hope this mess of a reply helped a little bit!
Hey, thank you Yes I guess that's true and it's demeaning to use the word 'weird'. Yeah if it's normal for me then I guess it is normal ^-^ My gosh I was thinking exactly that actually! It's what I'm doing now but...I don't really feel like I'm being true to myself if that makes sense. Like for example my Mother is really my bestfriend too, yet I can't talk to her about such a huge part of my life. It just sucks. I can't even casually comment about a hot girl on the tv even, I feel like I have to be hyper aware of everything I do. I find myself praying to god that I fall for a guy so I can just be normal. But then I feel like that's just hiding a part of myself in the hope it will...eh, shrivel up and die or something. Somehow I feel like it's not exactly the best plan. Then there's the fact that I'm rather attracted to the atypical kind of guy. Girly features, slim or even androgynous. Heh. But thank you for reading and your advice! I'm going to uni in a couple months so will definitely try and get into societies and things. :3 ---------- Post added 29th May 2013 at 11:00 PM ---------- Hey you! Oh wow, you're mixed? They're always so beautiful O.O Haha, anyways thank you for taking the time to reply! We seem so similar and I totally understand what you mean about the remarks. Both my parents are pretty opposed to the whole LGBT community. The things that have come out of my Father's mouth have been particularly vile though. Like they're disgusting and ought to rounded up and shot. I've just sort of sat their feeling like a knife was being stabbed through my heart :/ But you're not your parents and we should relish that fact. We've been put in a difficult position, but maybe that's a good thing because it makes us more open and hopefully less judgmental ^^ And yes, I will definitely go gallivanting through gay bars, I'm pumped and ready to go haha. Well...so long as I manage to convince a couple friends cause I'm so useless and awkward on my own >.> I hope things work out for you though!
I'm also "Indian"/South Asian, of Pakistani descent (and actually, my grandparents immigrated from India after Partition). Our culture can be frustrating, but I don't know if it's fair to put it down we just have to take it really slow. That means not coming out until after graduating from college and being completely financially independent...it sucks, but that's the way it is. Even our generation has a long way to go. Homosexuality is taboo for our parents, but the current South Asian generation is pretty homophobic.
I'm sorry if you feel offended. I know I shouldn't put down my own culture but I guess I just get so frustrated sometimes. It's so difficult to be 'proud' or greatful of my heritage when I get persecuted just for being who I am. That and don't even get me started on the omnipresent tones of sexisim that still persist. I respect my parents, I have always had strong morals and believed in being honest. Yet I find myself lying everyday, having to nod along to my father calling the people of my other community scum. anyways, thanks for your input
I know exactly how you feel. It's almost as if you're caught between two worlds, as cliche as that might sound. You still identify with a culture and you can't escape it, but there are elements of it that just go against every fiber of your being.
