Where to meet someone

It can be really tricky initially. I would recommend finding a gay youth group (some do allow people over 21--I went to one that went up to age 25) or going to a gay college group (even if you don't go to college/uni). Given your age, you'll likely meet up with people who are at similar stages and have similar interests. All you need is some friends initially--even if they're not your bestest buddies, having actual gay people to talk to makes a HUGE difference.

There are also dating sites that are less sex-related and more dating related, like... hmmn... okay, they have this policy here of not allowing references to websites that are not for people under 18 but yeah, the one I'm thinking of is pretty harmless. I guess message me if you want and I'll send you the name.

If you do go to a gay club alone, here's my advice: keep an open mind and even if you have the worst time ever, be willing to try again, especially if in the interim you make some gay friends. Or get some cool straight friends to go with you. davo-man assures me they exist. *grin*

Going to a club with friends is entirely different from going on your own.

If you go to a club focused on how you don't identify with the gay community and how most gay guys seem to be sluts, guess what? That's exactly what you're find/experience. Don't kid yourself--80 to 90% of the people at clubs are mainly looking for sex, if not primarily then definitely secondarily. However, as proven by the fact you are there, there are people there who are either there to just have a good time or because they feel just like you. Generally they're in a minority but trust me, they're out there. I know this because I'm usually one of them. *smile*

So yeah... if you go to a gay club, go as a sociological experiment just to see what it's like and try to withhold as much judgment as possible. Just be like, "Wow... that's crazy!" and treat it like a bit of a trip to Wonderland. Also, the more you look/seem like you're having a good time (whether you are or not, this is definitely a case where you can fake it until you make it or whatever that expression is) the more likely you'll meet people. And seriously, you can TOTALLY fake it and it will still work. In general people see what they want to see, especially in that kind of environment. So if you feel up to it, put on your happy face and be really gregarious. If certain people don't respond to that, you can just right them off as stuck-up bitches and move on to the next interesting-looking person.

If I make it sound like a bit of a game, that's because in a lot of ways, it is. I don't think that makes it good or bad; it just is what it is. In a way going to a gay club is like walking in on a play that's in progress, and you can pretty much assume whatever role you can believably pull off. That can be observer, social butterfly, "I'm too hot for mere mortals to talk to me," "me and my friends are the bomb," etc.

Depending on your city and the club you end up at, it can be difficult to get talking with people. A lot of times people tend to stick with their friends, not necessarily because they're stuck-up snots (although you will run into some of those, for sure) but often because they are (even if they go to the clubs regularly) somewhat uncomfortable there too (not that that many of them will admit it)... in essence, all the anxiety you likely feel about going to a gay club is often shared by a large number of people there. They just know how to hide it better.

But yes, this is why they invented corny opening lines like, "Do you come here often?" and "Can I buy you a drink?" Or even "I love this song!" I'm betting if you let on that it's your first time in a gay club, you'd find someone sympathetic who would try to help out. You can, of course, as with life in general, sometimes run into people who are out to take advantage of people's inexperience but you have just got to keep reminding yourself that those kind of slimeballs are not limited to gay clubs--they're (sadly) all over. They're just a lot more blatant in clubs. Happily, that makes them easier to avoid. Not drinking will help you in that regard.

Standard disclaimers: if someone wants to buy you a (non-alcoholic) drink, go with them and make sure you watch it until you take possession. Similarly, do not leave your drink unattended or with someone who is not a trusted friend. Not that I've heard of many cases of something being put in someone's drink but it can happen so you just have to be aware and develop some commonsense ground rules. If you are interested in someone, get their contact info rather than going home with them. Even if you desperately want to go with them, making sure they're still interested the next day is an important litmus test to screen people who are just looking for sex. It's as easy as saying, "I have to be somewhere tomorrow morning so I've got to get home by X o'clock tonight." Plus especially early on in going to clubs, you'll want to hone your people instincts and when everything is flashy and new, it can be hard to determine people's intentions, so adding a time buffer really helps with that kind of thing.

Let me know if you have any questions related to anything I've said. I'm wordy sometimes.