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[Assistance] Knowing if he is gay or bi? Or perhaps not...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Perhaps, May 29, 2013.

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  1. Perhaps

    Perhaps
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    Hello everyone. How are you all doing? Please pardon me... This is my first post here. I've been reading some posts from this site to see if it'll help, but no dice haha.

    Well, I suppose it's my turn for my confusion with a guy I really like.

    There is this guy at my school whom I've known for 2 years. He and I have become very close friends since we've met, and the beginning of this school year, I developed a crush for him. I couldn't help myself... And everyday I wonder if he and I could ever be together.

    How to begin? Well... No one in my school suspects anything to my knowledge, because they never ask or anything haha. I got the guts to tell him via text message that I liked both genders(and sort of hinted that I liked him, but he didn't get it at first haha). He was fine wih me being the way I was, but after that, we grew even closer as friends.

    The second time I talked to him about it, I asked another close friend(that knows I like both genders), which is one of his best friends from middle school, if the guy I liked could ever like guys. He wasn't sure, and asked the guy I like the next morning.

    After all that, the close friend(we'll name him A) that I asked to ask my crush(we'll call him B) if he liked guys said no. I was so sad that day, and didn't bother speaking to B that day. Later on, I texted him, and told him that I like him, and he was fine with it.

    Now, that's the story, but now my reasons as to why I am confused about him:
    •When we took a trip to another state for a group field trip, B asked me if it's ok that we shared the same bed, even though there were other males in the room.(this was before I asked him a second time)
    •He's quiet and chuckles a lot, but he talks to me a lot.(I saw from a site a stereotype about this)
    •His eyes dialate, but only sometimes when he's speaking to me, he squints a lot so it's difficult to tell.
    •He has never talked about women around me. Only time I've heard anything pertaining to relationships was on Valentine's Day when we were asking each other if we liked a girl. He told me that he still liked this girl he's had a "crush" on, which confuses me.
    •I think he tries to make me laugh because he makes jokes a lot around me.
    •He sits near me
    •Lately he writes more in his text messages
    •After I told him I liked him(the second time), he wanted to Facetime me that Sunday.

    It's just so confusing. Everytime I tell him I like him, he becomes even closer. I am so confused. I cry sometimes here and there because I really would like to be with him, and the fact that I can't get over him...

    Sorry for the long post... Please forgive me...
     
    #1 Perhaps, May 29, 2013
  2. Dakine

    Dakine
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    The only sign I'd feel comfortable in saying makes me think its possible is him asking to share a bed. I say this because, if I'm correct, he knew u were bi by this time. It takes a very confident straight man to do this or a closeted not straight man to do this. In my opinion, there's really no in between.
     
    #2 Dakine, May 29, 2013
  3. Perhaps

    Perhaps
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    Well, I didn't really list everything that he's done. Just a few speculation type of things. I jus wanted to see if those were enough of reasons that he is either lying to me, unsure, or just couldn't like me.

    Other reasons could be:
    •Everytime he claps(no idea why he does this), he looks at me, then looks away, then repeats for a while.
    •A girl told us that we should date(unaware of anything about who I like, and gender wise)
    •He has good eye contact when speaking, but I don't really see him do it with others.
    •Yesterday, our elbows touched 3 times... Then after the third time, he moved his.
     
    #3 Perhaps, May 30, 2013
  4. The Enchanted

    The Enchanted
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    Well perhaps he isn't entirely sure himself.
    Could it be that he believes he doesn't like guys but he just likes you? Sometimes if you fall for someone's personality, gender doesn't even come into it. You can be sexually attracted to the way someone speaks, holds themselves etc. more so than their physical appearance.

    Whatever it is, it's clear you need some progress towards an answer. I understand the risks of just out rightly asking him to his face. However, he doesn't seem to have any issues with your orientation and yeah, there are certainly hints that he could like you in that way. But if he's a good friend, though things may be a bit awkward for a while after, he'll come through.
    I would just ask him and say that I like you as more than a friend, could there possibly be a chance of a relationship between us? But I wouldn't put him on the spot and start listing supposed signals he's given out, because it could just be that you make him feel really comfortable as a friend. For example, I only with my closest friend touch her hair, snuggle her and have even slept on the same bed as her. I think I've even kissed her. And though I fancy the pants off every gender, she still knows I see her only as a close friend and likewise. So prepare yourself for that possibility as well. All I'm saying is, you'll never know unless you go out on a limb and ask. Speculating and over analysing could very well lead you to the wrong conclusion. The only one who really knows what he's thinking is him.

    Wish you all the best and hope this helped!
     
    #4 The Enchanted, May 30, 2013
  5. Perhaps

    Perhaps
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    The thing is... I've already asked him... Twice. Everytime I do, he gives me more reason to question him and think there's a chance. I don't know what to do... I'm so confused haha.
     
    #5 Perhaps, Jun 2, 2013
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