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Coming out to close friends and crush

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ReadingLife, May 30, 2013.

  1. ReadingLife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2013
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    After a year of questioning/repressing I've finally accepted that I am bi. I'm now looking to tell my close friends. I don't think it will be difficult as they are pretty accepting people.

    One girl is religious, but has never shown herself to be homophobic. Though she has no lesbian/bi girl friends, she's friends with plenty gay guys.

    Is there a way I can test how she feels first without making it seem obvious? Also I'm thinking of changing my Facebook interested in to Men and Women to try and increase my dating pool :grin:. Should I do this before or after I talk with my close friends? I've already told my best friend, and she's the only one that I was really concerned about.

    Part 2 of the question:
    One of the girls I want to tell is my straight crush. We only just started getting close this year, despite having been in the same friend group for years. In the past, she has never talked about guys we know or shown an interest in dating them, though she doesn't shy away from talking about male celebrities. Of course it is my hope that she is not completely straight - though she could be asexual and/or aromantic and not that interested in the topic.

    Is there a way I can come out to her that would encourage conversation or that would make her feel comfortable talking about how she feels? I'm not going to tell her my feelings at this point because I feel that would complicate things, but I do want to talk about sexuality with her to see where she stands. It's hard to tell if she's a private person because she is very friendly (and introverted, but I am too)! Or course whatever she labels herself is none of my business, I just want to know if I can let this crush grow!

    Sorry for the long-winded question, I can never seem to keep things short! :rolle:
     
  2. flight

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Hi there,

    Tell your close friends first. I think it's more of a friendly gesture to tell time by some means of personal communication. Even a Facebook message to them helps if you don't want to make a big deal out of it or feel awkward.

    Changing your interested in status is more of an indirect way of telling people, and to those that you trust and know well, it may come off as impersonal. Coming out is more about you than anything else, but I think it's nice to give some close people advanced notice.

    On the topic of your crush, as much as this is gonna suck, I wouldn't recommend asking her about her sexuality. From personal experience when I was asked is I were gay, and not even close to thinking about it, it really sent me through a loop. I still think about it to this day whether I'm just conforming to what people think of me or if this is what I actually feel. Please don't do that to her.

    By coming out to her, she may feel more open about talking to you about her sexuality if need be, but I find asking is more encroaching on personal space. At least in this way if she really is thinking about it, she has an ally and that might just get you through the relationship door.


    Good luck!