I'm stuck and in a bad situation. So almost a year ago I'd say, I had a little conversation with my mom about me being gay. She told me that I wouldn't truly know that until I'm 21 and that it's something I should just ignore and it will go away. So I did because I really wanted to be straight. So I got through months after months without it even being brought to attention! Now here I am, after all of that I see NO change, if anything, I'm more gay! haha. But really, I am stuck and I don't know what to do. I'm just too scared to go back to my mom in fear I will disappoint her or something... Please help.
Well it sounds like maybe you should just let more time pass so your mother has time to process things and get used to the idea? You're still 14, if your mother said you wouldn't know until you were 21, she probably won't be ready to believe you now anymore than she did a few months ago. Did she sound like she would ultimately be accepting if it turned out you were in fact gay, or are you worried she would be upset if this didn't end up going away?
I trust that she would be accepting, but I feel she may be a bit upset. It's all just confusing. I'm getting a lot of mixed messages from a lot of people.
Well it's up to you then if you want to push the issue now or wait a bit more time. Do you have/want a boyfriend or are you taking part in some sort of LGBT activities that your mother would find out about? If so then you should probably come out and speak honestly to her up front. Otherwise, you're still young, you could just give her more time. I'm sure she hasn't forgotten what you told her, she might just need some time to process it.
That's true, you're probably right. I'm not in any LGBT activities at all but quite a few of my friends know which I feel could end up with her finding out.
Well I guess it could be an issue if she found out that way. But then again, you already did come out to her, she can't blame you as if you were keeping a secret and it's a complete surprise. Perhaps it would just confirm that you were telling the truth when you told her you were gay.
I suppose so. Well I'll just wait it out for now and let time take it's course. Thanks so much for your help Rakkaus. One more thing though, to your knowledge, is it actually true that people don't fully understand that kind of sexual orientation about themselves until their around 21? She said she had it backed up with science or some crap.
I don't think there is any science that suggests people can't know their orientation until age 21. People usually reach full sexual maturity by like age 16, but you can pretty much figure out who you are attracted to by the start of puberty around 12. It sounds like your mom was possibly hoping this was just a phase that you would grow out of. Some people know they are gay when they are like 5 year old kids. Some people don't figure it out until they are 50-years-old and married to the opposite gender. Everyone figures it out at their own pace. When you feel it in your heart, then you know it is true, it doesn't matter your age. And np, I hope the things I am saying are helpful, and not just confusing you more. :eek:
