So I'm just writing things down, and I'm not even sure about whether or not I'm going to post this as a thread, but we'll see. I'm out to my four best friends and one of my two brothers (although I'll tell the other brother next time I see him, and he already knows anyway). I finished freshman year of college and moved back in at home until the last week of August, so basically three more months at home. Why I want to come out: it seems as though I won't be able to accept myself if they don't know. I have doubts daily about being gay. I want to go to college in August, join the Queer Student Union, make new friends and maybe meet a guy...but I know that I am nowhere near ready for any of that. I'm insecure and afraid, and for some reason feel like telling my parents would be the only way to combat these feelings. I'm sure most people here can relate. Why I'm hesitant: I am not going to be kicked out for coming out, but my parents lives haven't been easy lately. My mother has been clean from drugs for 40ish days now and goes to meetings daily for recovering drug addicts. My parents are struggling to pay the bills financially. They're both Catholic, although my dad stopped going to church a few years ago as well as my mom, although since rehab she's been starting back up and going to church on Sundays. My dad doesn't care about gays, agrees in Civil Unions but not necessarily marriage but said he really doesn't care. Neither think it's a choice, but my mom uses "gay" a lot to describe things. I don't think my dad will care all that much, but I think it'll hurt my mom, and she make thing a much bigger deal than they need to be. My cousins gay and they hardly say anything bad about him, although we don't see him much. Coming out to my parents would be completely selfish, although part of me believes I deserve to be selfish here. Part of me feels I need to do this to move on with my life. At they same time I'm not sure if it will put any more strain on their lives, and I know things haven't been going too well lately for them. I guess I will post this, sorry if it's long and thanks in advance for any advice. I hope everybody is having a great weekend -Dude
Only you will know, when the timing is right to come out to your parents, it took me a long time to come out to my Mom, EC certainly helped me gain the courage
It is not selfish to come out to your parents. I have kids your age. It sounds like your parents have struggles but they are the parents. You have to take care of yourself and do what you need to do for yourself. Accepting yourself is important to your well being. You have an absolute right to be honest about who you are. Still, before you come out to your parents, think about whether it will help you to do so at this time or create more stress for yourself. If it will help as a step towards self acceptance, do it. If you think it won't help you, be cautious.
Thanks for the advice It's especially nice to hear feedback from a parent, and hear that perspective, so much appreciated arturoenrico.
A couple of thoughts. One thing: you could consider coming out to your parents individually. With this pattern, you'd start with your dad. Your mom could wait if you feel her own issues are enough. Perhaps your dad would have ideas--although, of course, an idea of "wait the rest of your life" is something that you should ignore. But if he has legitimate "wait 2 weeks, she'll be in a stronger place," that would be reasonable. Also, you might consider trying to make things easier. For example, you mom might benefit from PFLAG. I believe I nagged you to consider PFLAG, so you can go to a PFLAG meeting now to check the place out for your parents! I'm not sure I'd consider coming out selfish. Consider it more a sharing of information about who you really are. A college professor even sort of suggested this. Not a coming out as such. But the class was autobiographical writing, and he encouraged at least once that over the next summer vacation we let our moms read the papers we'd written for the class. Looking back, I wonder if he wasn't thinking about a sharing of who we were. I also wonder if the guy who wrote the moving paper about his girlfriend's father walking in on them while they were having sex let his mom read that particular paper. But I digress.
Hey! This is my last post for today, it's 2 am so I'm going to sleep after this and cause it's late, I'm going to be pretty raw. I think it wouldn't be the best for your mom to come out to her, as she may feel guilty (a common feeling on LGBT parents) and get into drugs again, I'm very sorry I have to say this, trust me, but I don't think it's a good idea, I'm not saying you can never tell her, but 40 days doesn't seem like a safe number for this. However I don't think telling your dad is a bad idea, you just have to be careful cause your mom may find out via your dad. That's my humble advice, I hope it works out for you.(*hug*) Good Luck!
I appreciate the further insight BMC77 and Martjain. I guess I always imagined me telling them at the same time, but you guys are probably right, that it might be better to tell my father first. Now to figure out how to go about that... Thanks everybody
