I am trying to decide if it is finally time for me to come out. I am at a place now where I know that I am only attracted to women. I cannot imagine myself with a man and have no desire whatsoever to be intimate with one. I would love to have a girlfriend and be able to tell my friends and family about her. But I am also very scared of doing so. All of these thoughts and feelings are incredibly personal and I would feel incredibly vulnerable talking about them openly even with my closest of friends. I have been casually/ "accidentally" dropping hints to everyone for a few months now. Part of me can't help it and the other part just really wants people to know and to see me as I see myself. Which is a huge dyke. Im talking kinsey 6, lesbian blog running, denim vest wearing, cigar smoking, woman loving, feminist ranting, lesbian. :lol: :eusa_danc But no one knows any of that about me as of right now. At least, I don't think they do! So I guess my question is, what happens after you initially come out to someone?! How do I know what is acceptable to share and what I should continue to keep secret? Can I tell them I think the waitress at the restaurant is incredibly attractive? Can I openly mention my celebrity crushes? Is it okay to talk about wanting a girlfriend?! Right now its all still scary to say out loud but I really just want someone to talk to about all of it! Is that too much to ask of a straight friend?! I have never had a gay/bi/lesbian friend so I have no idea what is normal and acceptable to talk about! :help:
I am planning on baking a rainbow cake and writing "I'm a lesbian" on it. Maybe do it in a funny way. Keep it casual. Are you worried about how they will take it?
In terms of the boundaries that you mention, here's how I see things - you need to judge that based on your comfort level with the other person, and their (in your perception) comfort level with those topics. I can see some people getting really offended by you saying that "that waitress over there is so hot", and other people really might say "yeah, she really is!" Just like there's no "one size fits all" approach for coming out, there's equally no such approach for conduct after coming out. I personally think that people's sex lives should remain private, so a conversation about your latest sexual escapade with your partner would never be appropriate (in my mind). However, other people may see that as an entirely appropriate and fun thing to talk about. However, saying that "that waitress is hot" is perfectly fine (though you'd have to point out the hot waiter to me ) In short, it depends. I'm really sorry that I couldn't give a more concrete answer, but sometimes there's just none to give.
Hello! i'm also there! now that i have accepted myself, there's only one friend who knows it, and she's very cool with that. for eg when she shows me a hot guy i tell her: cmon im a lesbian did u forget it?! but i think it varies from one person to another. i guess u should analyse how gay friendly your friends are... usually guys are more ok with that. me, i try to get the hints from my friends and colleagues, for eg when they are discussing about something gayish i try to analyse how homophobe they are and their level of acceptance to homossexuality. some are cool with that, but some couldnt even imagine me talking about hot girl, so i'm still making the huge coming out plan, who's next, what to say etc.
Thank you guys so much. It is always so wonderful to know that there are people who get it. Thats part of the reason I love EC so much! (*hug*) I think I had the idea that after I came out it would just be done. Realizing that there will always be some difficulties is hard to accept. I hate that by just being myself I may instantly offend people or lose friends that I care about. I live in an incredibly gay friendly city that is apparently filled with lesbians so I am thankful for that! I think it would be a really good idea to get into the LGBT community here somehow. I am just so used to all my friends talking about boys that I guess there may be an adjustment period before we are all comfortable with the fact that I want to talk about girls. Wishing right now that I had more guy friends because honestly I feel like they might be a bit more understanding and easier to talk to about all of this! :lol:
"I have been casually/ "accidentally" dropping hints to everyone for a few months now. Part of me can't help it and the other part just really wants people to know and to see me as I see myself. Which is a huge dyke. Im talking kinsey 6, lesbian blog running, denim vest wearing, cigar smoking, woman loving, feminist ranting, lesbian. " Hahaha this made me laugh out loud and make other people look at me... You are taking a big step! For me, I had a big group of friends that weren't gay - and barely anything changed after I came out. In fact, I made even more friends after I came out and felt more comfortable around the ones I already had! Side note: My friends were actually pretty curious about my sexuality! But as far as graphic descriptions of thoughts, they were a little bit put off because obviously they weren't attracted to it. So just keep that in mind. You are about to go on a really awesome journey. The first person you tell is the hardest but then you realize it's not that bad and you become a pro. If anything, you will feel more honest with yourself and with other people, and that is an amazing feeling. Get ready for an awesome ride!
I'm doing the same thing, I just want them to ask me instead of trying to get myself to do it. I've wondered about a lot of the same things.
Donatello: What happens now? Splinter: Nothing much, my son. Only the rest of our lives. Once you come out, yes, you can do all that and more. I'd recommend trying to take it easy during the first few weeks, as it's easy to get overly excited and talk about all the stuff you've kept bottled up for years. And it'll get kinda boring for your friends. (You know your friend who won't stop talking about that guy she works with? Yeah, it'll sound like that. ) So keep your audience in mind. Other than that, go for it. Lex
It'll be a big weight of your shoulders, that's for sure. I recently came out and the feeling is great. Emotionally, it feels like the Berlin Wall has fallen down, or that I've stepped from black-and-white Kansas into Technicolor Oz. With the right company, I can talk about who I want to date, and I've had some discussions with female friends over which male celebs I have the hots for. While you'll want to freely talk about things, I'd agree with Lex that you shouldn't let your coming out has to dominate your life and all topics of conversation. It could give off an aura that you have completely changed, and not just one aspect of you.
Your true friends will still care for you. They will feel honored that you can be honest with them. If someone judges you are they really your friend? You will feel free. It's fabulous to feel that free!
Dins3label: HAHA!! That made my day! And guess what guys?! I got the courage and actually came out to my cousin yesterday!! I really could not have imagined it would actually feel so good but its incredible! She is beyond accepting too! Hilarious as well! Once I finally got it out her initial reaction was "Thats AWESOME!! This is so exciting!! Boobies are fun!!" She is now taking me to pride with her two best friends (who are also lesbians) and said that if i ever want to get drinks with them to chat or get support that they are two of the most kind and wonderful people she has ever met. While we were having lunch afterwards she got really quiet for a second then said, "oh damn. So if you decide you do want to have a family you can just get the other one pregnant! Thats perfect! Im so jealous! I want to be gay. Your'e so lucky!!" Could not have asked for a better person to tell! I want to start telling more people because this feels incredible. I am telling another friend tonight, and she's bi herself so I am positive it will go well. Thank you guys!!
:lol: I love that description. Preach on! Oh, btw, no truck drivin', clam lickin', sausage-hatin'?:icon_wink
