I have to come out to the "long lost love of my life" that I recently got back in touch with. He's getting divorced and has a daughter. We've been talking and planning the future together for about 6 or 7 months now. His ex found out he was talking to me because she was snooping in his emails and threatened to take away custody so I backed off and we haven't been talking for a long time. But it is understood that we would end up together after everything was finalized. It was supposed to be just a waiting game. Well, while I was waiting I've figured out that I'm gay. :eusa_doh: I need to tell him so that he isn't living everyday planning his life around "us." Or should I leave it and wait for him to finally contact me first?? :help: This is the letter I wrote to him. Should I send it? Should I take some things out? He really means a lot to me and I've known him for half my life. Without him I wouldn't be the person I am today....ugh this sucks :bang: Let me know (if you can get through it, I know its long sorry) B, I know we aren't supposed to be talking…but I have made a huge realization and I have something to say that's really important. You aren't gonna like the news. These past few weeks have been a total mindfuck for me. Everything in my world has been turned upside down and everything I thought I knew about myself has been flushed down the toilet. You are the only guy that I've ever had a real emotional connection with. I just knew instantly that we would click. And we did. You are truly special. You are the the most perfect man. The only guy I would ever end up with. And I really thought we would end up together. Everything that I've said to you is true. All my life you were "the one" in my mind. I'm so so so sorry that I got your hopes up…but now I understand all my confusion when we were together the first time and why I really didn't want to do certain things. And our second chance…now I understand why there wasn't a spark for me when we kissed at that park like 10 years go even though I was crazy about you…I was so confused as to why. I thought maybe that "sparks" thing was something people kinda made up or romanticized. Because there were never sparks with ANYONE ever. I don't know what that feels like. I don't know what that feels like because I've just discovered that I'm gay. I feel really stupid. It still hasn't sunk in with me totally. I've been going completely insane back and forth with this in utter disbelief and shock. It feels so strange to find out something like this about yourself at fucking 30! I'm really angry actually. I thought people "always knew" if they were gay, so naturally, I couldn't be gay: I didn't always know. I thought everyone felt the way I did in relationships. And I guess looking back now everything is starting to make sense as I piece together all my memories and rehash every single fucking second of my life all over again. But I started talking to people dealing with the same thing online and I've found that there are a lot of people who didn't always know and they are just coming out in their 40s and 50s married and divorced multiple times with children. I should be thankful to know now…. I guess. I just came out to *, *, and * last night. I was really nervous to tell you because I don't want to hurt you. But I think a l lot more things will make sense to you too now. I just don't know what else to say except that I really didn't know and I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You still mean a lot to me and I think you are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I've been looking around my whole life looking for a good man.. you are one in a billion. I hope you know that. I wasn't going to send you this but I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry to tell you like this but I thought I should let you know so that you aren't going day to day believing something is going to happen when it isn't. If I were to choose any man in the entire world to be with it would be you, no question. You deserve so much more for yourself in life than you've given yourself permission to. I don't think you realize how amazing of a man you are. But it won't work out. I'm so sorry. For any pain I've caused you or your family. Any thoughts?
