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I don't know if I can wait.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nadski, Jun 1, 2013.

  1. Nadski

    Nadski Guest

    To anyone who reads this, thank you and sorry it's just a big blab of emotions I needed to release.

    I have come to terms with who I am and I feel so at ease about it. I have recently made a lot of new friends and acquaintances who are lesbian and bisexual and I have been able to be myself around them. Almost all my friends know and none of them have ever acted differently around me. I am so lucky in this sense. But when it comes to my family I feel so hopeless. None of them really know I am a lesbian and they have these expectations that I am going to get married and have children and live like they have.

    I am so scared of my mother. She would have a really hard time coming to terms with me being gay. I have never been close with her because there is this major block. She is really hard to talk to because she is so judgmental and has always tried to change me. When I was little, I would always want to wear t-shirts and jeans and I hated wearing dresses and girly things. She never allowed me to feel comfortable in what I wore and when she would let me, the disappointment on her face would kill me. That's why I have always had this block telling me there is no point trying to live up to her or get close to her because when she eventually finds out I am gay and i confirm her fears she won't want me around anymore. I have always been reserved and quiet around my family because I feel as though there is no point being noticed when if they knew the truth about me they would ignore me anyway. I never feel like I can be myself at home, unless I am alone.

    I want to tell my parents but I'm so scared I will cause tension between their marriage since my dad would be ok with it eventually. It's just so hard when mum makes really offensive comments and doesn't realize they relate to me. There have been so many times where I have almost screamed at her and told her I am gay but I'm trying to wait. I am currently doing year 12 and if I told them now, it would be a huge mess, I am hardly coping as it is with this as well as my friends who are going through really scary personal issues. I just don't know if I can hold on. I know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel but I don't know how I am going to find it.
     
  2. Dublin Boy

    Dublin Boy Guest

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    Only you will know when the time feels right to tell them, if you think your Dad will take it the best, then tell him first, as this will give you some support when you tell your Mom, I know how you feel, I have just came out to my own Mom, a week ago, it took me a long time though & for me it worked out well, good luck with whatever you do (*hug*)
     
  3. Nadski

    Nadski Guest

    I would love to tell my dad again. I told him when i was 15 that i was bisexual but he didn't take me seriously, he said it was just a phase and i was too young to know. but if i told him now he would probably get the picture that i was serious. the only thing that is holding me back is my fear that mum will get angry at him for knowing first and i don't want to put him in the middle like that. i will just have to see though. thank you so much for replying it means a lot :slight_smile: