So, I need help how to deal with this situation with my friend who also is my roommate. I’m almost positive that he’s gay (or at least bi) and I suspect him of having feelings for me. We have known each other for a couple years now, and I have never seen him with a girl or heard him talk about a girl. Then again he never talks about guys, so I don’t know. I feel like we are really close and he knows a lot of personal stuff about me. I trust him. Lately he has been acting differently or maybe I just starting to pick up on things. He stares at me a lot and smiles nervously when I notices. Sometimes we share a bed and he cuddles up next to me after a while. Once I woke up by him touching me. He caressed my chest and my stomach very gently. I pretended I was asleep, because I didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t touch me any place else, so I just let it go. Last week I walked in on him jerking off while smelling one of my t-shirts. He was really embarrassed, but I just said sorry and left our room. Later when I came back, he kept apologizing, but I told him it was okay, we all do it, it’s no big deal. He looked at me funny, like he was unsure what I meant. I tried really hard to avoid the fact that I did see it was MY t-shirt he smelled, and he never said anything about that, so I also let that go. He has tried to kiss me while he’s been drunk. One time at a party he kept asking me to kiss him, when we were alone outside. I said no every time and he looked sad about that. The thing is that I really don’t have a problem with him being gay or bi. He will still be my friend and I won’t feel any less for him (*hug*) . If he has feelings for me it would make things complicated since I’m not gay. I’m definitely curious and open minded. I mean, if he wanted to suck or jerk me off I wouldn’t stop him, but since he might having feelings for me I don’t think that would be a good idea. I don’t think I can ever give him what he wanted if it came down to that (relationship red.). I care very deeply about my friend and I want to know how to deal with this. I know the right thing will might be for me to wait for him to come out to me himself. But the touching and asking for me to kiss him is being more and more frequently. I’m starting to get worried what will happen if he tries something more or if he kisses me. Do I ask him if he’s gay? Do I wait to he’s ready to tell me? I’m open for ideas :help: I also made a thread in "Family, Friends, and Relationships" - I just really want help on this, therefor I posted two places.
I think if you really don't see yourself being with him you need to tell him straight up because it sounds like he REALLY likes you. Because of this, you shouldn't be sleeping in the same bed as he could see this as you leading him on and giving him "clues." Just be honest with him. You'll probably have to break his heart. But if I can be honest with you, it does sound like you are VERY curious and you may be giving him some subtle cues. So he probably thinks that YOU are gay or bi and he keeps making moves and will probably continue to do so until you tell him that you're not. So just talk to him and tell him what you said here: That you are his friend no matter what but you aren't into guys.
SwirlingOcean, thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it . Like I wrote, he was never put words to his sexuality, so it’s only what I think. Yes, I do think he likes me and of course I don’t want to lead him on, so I understand that sleeping in the same bed probably isn’t a good idea. But the thing is, that it’s mostly him that ask if he can sleep in my bed, if he had a bad day or something like that (I don’t want to go in to details, because it’s too private for him), and I don’t see a problem with it. I have other people sleeping over in my bed (I mean just as friends, don’t want to sound like a slut). I can see if he have feelings for me, it could mean more for him than me, but I don’t want to seem cold and say that I don’t want him sleeping in my bed. You can be as honest as you like, I’m here for people’s honest opinions about this. I’m very curious and he is a very attractive guy (even a straight guy can see that), so I wouldn’t mind experimenting with him, like I wrote earlier. We are very close, so maybe I do give him “clues” although I don’t do it on purpose. Like I wrote in the other thread, I’m thinking about saying something like this to him: “I just want you to know that no matter what you answer to this, I’m still your friend and nothing will change between us. Do you like guys?”. Would that be to direct?
