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How to come out to homophobic friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChristianHipstr, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. ChristianHipstr

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    I'm not too worried about coming out to everyone yet... I have told one very good friend that i'm bi and she talks with me about out whenever I need to talk and I'm very grateful for that (*hug*). Although after accepting myself, the reality of I could, want, and will be in a same-sex relationship sooner or later, and I will want it to be open and not hide it from the public. So, when this does happen, how will I tell my friend? He's extremely homophobic and I'll paste a comment from a gay marriage response that I made.

    "Actually, this subject hit me pretty hard today. Being a closeted bisexual I know one day I will want to either marry a woman, or a man. So when my friend said his SAT essay topic was "How life isn't fair to all people" and he said he did his on gay marriage I was happy and congratulated him on picking such a modern and arguable subject. I asked him what he wrote and he literally said "They just need to learn that it isn't fair and they can just accept it or move." ........... I almost beat the shit out of him right then and there. But my better judgement told me to argue. I asked him why he thinks that. His answer? Because it's just wrong. I knew he was a super religious Christian but damn... I went on about how it shouldn't matter if people think it's wrong and if two people love each other who is society to intervene? I almost started laughing when he said "So what if a guy loved you, would you be ok with that?" I was about to respond Why, Yes I would! but after hearing all that I didn't think he'd take it well. But ya, it's astonishing how real the subject of same sex marriage gets when you actually think about it. In the end, I told him I hope his grader is gay and he fails."

    Soo... ya.... How should I tell him when the time comes? He's a really good friend, and I'd hate to break such a good friendship.
     
  2. Martjain

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    Well, I believe in many cases, homophobic people just are scared of gays because they don't know much about the subject and when someone who is close to them comes out, they tend to accept it. Note that it's not always like that. In my opinion, If you come out to him he may come to his senses and accept you in time. But he could also not accept you nor support you, and I'm truly sad for saying this, but if he doesn't he was never your friend.
    It's hard to lose friendships for this, I know because I've been through this, but trust me, no friend is worth it if they don't support you.
     
  3. ChristianHipstr

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    That's the response I was afraid of getting :frowning2: Honestly, I've had arguments about it with him before, many like the instance I stated... I think it's because of his devotion to religion. He's grown up thinking it was unholy and wrong. Some people, like you said, would grow to accept it, but knowing his personality, he's more of a status-quo person and doesn't accept change well... Hopefully, I won't have to worry about telling him anything.
     
  4. Martjain

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    Look, I know it's hard, but it's really awful to live like something you are not, if you don't feel the urge to come out to him right now it's okay, but when you get a boyfriend you'll want to tell him and you'll have to face him sooner or later. Just remember if he's your friend he will have to be there to support you, even if it takes him time to swallow it. And remember we are here for you :slight_smile:
     
  5. WanderingGhost

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    If he doesn't accept who you are then he was never a good friend to start with.
     
  6. BlueBear

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    From your post I would expect him to want to debate on gay issues.
     
  7. Tightrope

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    I've heard that argument and you are right. But it's not that simple. I'm friends with a lady who is real religious. Sometimes, we wind up talking about all kinds of things. She lives in a big city, too. When the subject of homosexuality comes up, she say "Eew, it's so unnatural." She is clueless. She has been brainwashed to think that her whole life. So I don't tell her much and don't spend too much time with her. Some homophobes might come around and some never will. It just depends on the person.