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Just came out to my mum

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Salazar, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. Salazar

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    So, against my better judgement, I just came out to my mum. She didn't believe me at first and laughed, and when I told her that I was serious, she looked concerned. She asked me what makes me think I'm gay, so I told her that I don't think I'm gay, I know I'm gay. She said she still loves me, but she's worried that ill have a harder life and that I can't have kids. I sort of regret telling her now, but I guess it's better in the long term that she knows. Do you think she just needs time to come round to the fact?
     
  2. Goodnyte

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    In my opinion, she took it better than a lot of parents that I have read about. It was probably a little mother concern taking over. Give her time and those worries may go away. Congratulations on coming out!
     
  3. GayLibertarian

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    It's a big thing to hear. Every parent wants what's best for their kids. It's natural for her to be worried and concerned, but give her some time and she should be able to grasp and come around to it. Good luck!
     
  4. Martjain

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    Maybe she does need some time, but it's a normal reaction to care. She's worried that you might suffer from it (as in have a harder life) and that you'll never experience having a child or that she won't be able to have grandchildren (which is wrong cause you may adopt). I understand that she sees the negative side of it, because she's not gay, you on the other hand see the positive side, cause you are gay, and you like liking boys and think that maybe having a harder life is worth it, am I right?
    It's all about perspective, but don't worry, she said the most important thing "She said she still loves me" :slight_smile:
    Cheers! (*hug*)
     
  5. hellohowlow

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    very nice :slight_smile: my parents cannot accept it
     
  6. AKTodd

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    When I came out to my mom in college, she was supportive but also expressed concern about it being 'a hard life'. It also took her a little while to get used to the idea I think, given that any time I would mention something relating to my being gay, there would be this sort of pause on the phone and then she'd say 'oh'. And then the conversation would continue.

    I have a (bad?) habit of poking the bear so I responded to this by making a point of talking about gay stuff as much as possible (Yeah mom, I'm really tired today, I met this guy last night and didn't get home til noon today). Not that I'm necessarily recommending that you do this, you understand.

    Anyway, it will probably take her a bit of time to get used to the idea. The best thing you can do is be happy and show her you are happy, including in the parts of your life that are gay. And as others have pointed out you are perfectly able to have kids, assuming you want them in the first place (I didn't and my entire family knew this long before I went to college or knew I was gay).

    Oh, and just to make it clear, my mom is now totally used to me being gay, has met my partner and adores him (he claims she'd take his side over mine on some things - I'm pretty sure he's wrong(? :icon_redf)) and stopped doing the 'oh - pause' thing ages ago.

    Todd
     
  7. Salazar

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    All sorted. She just came in to my room, and said she'd talked to my stepdad about it, and though they're both surprised, they don't mind. My stepdad said that when he married her he agreed that he'd support her children, which I thought was quite sweet. She gave me a hug and said that the thing she found hardest was that she'd have to change her perspective on things around her, but that's her problem, not mine. Thanks for all your support guys!
     
  8. Martjain

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    Glad to hear that :slight_smile:
     
  9. MixedNutz

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    Sounds like she is accepting but just worried. Natural reaction. Congrats
     
  10. SwirlingOcean

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    Yay!! Congrats! :slight_smile:
     
  11. Average Joe

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    Wow, that's great news. I'm so happy for you! It's understandable she's worried but it just goes to show how much she cares about you :slight_smile:

    I've been dreading coming out to my Mum. I'm not sure if she'll be as understanding, but I'm hoping for the best.
     
  12. ilovebears

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    Hahaha, my mom still does this, even though she's totally accepting. It's so weird. Can't wait for that to stop.
     
  13. Sayu

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    Oh, yeah, totally :slight_smile: My mum reacted the same way as yours and I regretted it at first, but after some time I came along and now everything is like it used to be and I'm glad that I've got it off my shoulders :slight_smile:
     
  14. Dublin Boy

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    Congratulations Dude, you did the right thing & I am so glad it went well, I came out to my Mom last week, I know how hard it was for you to do (*hug*)
     
  15. Zoe

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    Congratulation! I'm so happy for you that it all worked out so well.

    As for your comment about, "I don't think I'm gay, I know I'm gay," I'm anticipating the same sort of questioning from my father (and I'm 42!). I think my plan, when he asks "How do you know?" or "Are you sure?" I'm going to say, "How do you know you're heterosexual? Are you sure?"

    :slight_smile:

    -Z
     
  16. Candace

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    WOOOOOT! Congrats!! :grin: