My suicide attempt

Re: The Trevor Project (Teen Suicide)

Rain, I hope you're feeling better now. I've never seriously attempted suicide or known of anyone who did, so I'm afraid of writing the wrong thing - esp if you don't like it when people are nice to you. Anyway, just want to say I'm happy you're still w/ us, and I hope you're finding reasons to keep yourself going.

 

Re: The Trevor Project (Teen Suicide)

If you do have to go to lakeside, I hope they are able to help you feel better about yourself. This could be the opportunity you need to get good treatment and counselling.

Please be honest with the professionals there. They will be better able to help you if they know the whole situation. I don't know which country you are in, but in most countries they would have to respect your confidentiality and not tell your parents etc if you don't want them to.

Please try to keep us up to date with progress etc.

 

Re: The Trevor Project (Teen Suicide)

ive never had any experiences with suicide, but i have indeed thought about it. especially when i first discovered i was gay. i was so scared, and i kept wondering why me? this past week, i was on a cruise ship with my family/extended family. and one day i looked overboard and wondered if anyone would miss me if i jumped overboard. but i think i would be too chicken to do it. which i guess is a good thing. and i think its great that there are organizations that can help people with problems like this, especially teenagers.

 

Re: The Trevor Project (Teen Suicide)

I think you need to try to cut back on the drug use. In particular don't try anything new, and try to reduce the amount you use the current ones. Make it a new year's resolution!

The whole point of these drugs is to alter the way your mind works temporarily. This may help you forget your problems for a short while by suppressing these areas, but it is only a quick fix and once the effect wears off your problems are still there. Because the drugs are shifting your emotions more wildly than usual, the lows when the drugs lose effect are even worse.

The people at Lakeside may give you some anti-depressants. These are designed to help you feel better by suppressing some of the bad stuff, but in a much more controlled and sustained way than illegal drugs.

I think it is good that you haven't been admitted as an inpatient. It probably means that you are not considered to be that bad, which is a good sign. It also means that you will continue to see friends and family, rather than spending all your time with people with other psychological issues. So see this as a positive thing.

You do need to do what they say though, such as not trying to take your own life again and getting off the drugs. Otherwise they may have to admit you as an inpatient to make sure you do this.

Psychiatrists like the "cry for help" reason for everything, not least because it makes them feel they are doing you good by providing that help! You do need help - I think we can all accept that - though you didn't try to commit suicide or say you were gay as a "cry for help". Anyway it seems that help is available for you at Lakeside, so you really should try to make the best of it, and use the opportunity.

Psychiatrists will always question and challenge everything you say. I'm sure that can be extremely frustrating because it makes you feel that they do not believe or accept anything you say. :tantrum:

That's not the case though. They question everything you say to make you think about it and explain yourself. When you are asked to explain why you say something and won't accept "because I am, don't you believe me?", you have to stop and think about it in more detail to try to explain it to them. This helps you explore and understand the issues yourself. The whole point is for them to help you understand yourself better to find a way through the problems.

It can of course become very frustrating with them questioning you and appearing not to believe you. They have to try to do this without it becoming an argument, which wouldn't help anyone. I know it is extremely difficult to remain calm when someone appears to question and disagree with everything you say - it would certainly wind me up! :tantrum: But do try to remain calm, try to work with them rather than against them. Ultimately it is for your own good.

It's obviously going to be a difficult few months for you. But I think it will be worth it. Try to use this opportunity make this work for you - not least because it will get it over with sooner.

Please keep us informed. We are all thinking of you and only want the best for you. (&&&)

 

Re: The Trevor Project (Teen Suicide)

Yes, it is going to be horrible for the next few months. But, if it works, you will feel so much better long term.

The other option is to continue feeling as you did when you tried the suicide. That's no good. You need to feel better about yourself and find a way through the problems, which is what the therapy should do.

Actually they are safer than illegal drugs, because they are made to proper standards and the dose is controlled and monitored.

You are using illegal drugs to make you feel good, so what's the difference between that and legal anti-depressants?

You should only need anti-depressants for a short time, maybe a few months, while you are having psychiatric treatment. They help lift you up a bit and make you more responsive to the therapy. Once this therapy starts to help they should be able to start reducing the dose of the anti-depressants. If they start suggesting you need them for a long time then you really should start questioning that, but a small dose just for a short time should be OK.

It is impossible for anyone who hasn't been there to really appreciate that. I haven't, and from your description I really don't want to. I'm sure you don't want to go there again either.

I wonder if that is partly because you received lots of attention from people who were concerned and cared about you? It really does make you feel better when you know that people DO care about you.

Perhaps where the "cry for help" stuff comes from? I know that wasn't why you did it, but maybe some people do attempt suicide with no real plans on succeeding to get this sort of attention?

I think in this sort of situation the choices are often made for you, and you don't actually get a lot of choice in the matter.

If the choice is to carry on or get help, I would recommend accepting the help. Try to think about the long term outcome, rather than the short term issues. The next 60 years is more important than the next 6 months.

Depression can affect anyone at any time. It just needs one of two unfortunate events, which you generally have no control over, to trigger it. It doesn't make you a worse person. Just unlucky.

 

Rain,

Well, to me it sounds as if she HAS accepted that you ARE gay - and is prepared to put you in touch with a group of Gay people - I would call that a very positive step in the right direction.

As far as her comment about "not being able to keep in touch with them" - well, I can see her POV. She is your counseller - and has a responsibility for you - that includes NOT putting you into an environnment where you could come to harm. She no doubt is OBLIGATED by the rules of her job to tell you that.

Just think, if she put you in contact with these people and one (several years older than you) were to make any sexual approach to you - she would more than likely lose her job when that came to light!

As far as encouraging you to find "something" in school you and get more active, well, if you can find something you enjoy - and become involved in that - you could quite likely make a circle of friends, have a shared interest, and feel more positive about life in general. Maybe because I am older than you (and have had my share of ups and downs) I can see this aspect.

I hope this might make you think of this in a more positive light - I know I'm "on the outside" but it actually sounds quite good to me.

 

Unless she is going to escort you there and stop you speaking to anyone (which I doubt as it would make it fairly pointless), if you give your mobile number to someone on a piece of paper without her knowing then there is nothing she can do about it!

With the way everyone will sue anyone for anything now, she has got to protect herself. She is probably saying you can't as an instruction, but if you do anyway you have gone against her instructions so she isn't liable.

See how that works out when yo get to the group, but I don't think it will be problem in practice.

Do take care about who you do make contact with there though. You have seen other threads here so I won't go over that again - you know the risks.

It would be a good idea, but it is much easier said than done. Not least because at this stage you probably don't feel like getting involved with anything. Don't dismiss it.

As TriBi says though, finding something you enjoy doing with a group of other people who enjoy doing it is a good way to make friends. If there's noting in school that interests you, how about looking into something outside school, perhaps a sports club, amateur dramatics, hospital radio, helping in a charity shop, volunteering at an animal rescue center, or whatever.

It will take time. Although it would be great to go once or twice and have all your problems magically solved, life isn't like that.

Excellent! You are already thinking the right way and trying to make this work for you. Well done!

It sounds like it has worked too, if she is now accepting that you are gay and is trying to sort out the support group for that. I'd say that was a result, so the visit wasn't completely pointless.

Is that tomorrow or next week?

Do let us know how it goes, and also how the gay support group goes when you get to that.

 

I hope you get to doing better. Depression is rough- but you'll get through this. Eveerything will be okay. *hugs* Even if this will be frustrating and difficult, its probobly for the better.

 

im kinda harsh at times on the suicide thing... and the suicidal thing just because my best friend has tried while he was friends with me ...i mean he had b4 but he tried now and yea...

i get pissed i mean me personaly he is the only ONLY person i am close to im not close to my family or any other person yes i have friends but i make sure others are closer to them im not mean to them but i make sure theymeet other people and are closer with others

but people who have more then that and still try i mean my best friend has alot of people who LOVE him like CRAZY iv never seen anyone who i acualy enjoyed being around... acualy being... liked by others in such a big group its crazy...

but yea just think about your best friend i mean yea my parents as soon as they find out iv been with a member of the same sex they WILL disown me... iv accepted this i show face and am nice to them n such but iv accepted this... it took me a while for this i acualy tried suicide... this was a very close kept secret for me

but when i was in 9th grade i took a gun a put it to my head and pulled the trigger... of corse the damn thing wasnt loaded GAWD lol... thats another reason i keep it quiet it makes me feel to stupid 2 be alive lol it was the gun my dad kept close 2 his bed incase someone broke in (not that we live somewhere bad but i mean hell if you got the gun putting it with your socks isnt hard...) didnt happen to remember the ammo was with the tighty whities lol oh well i guess it was for the better i am alive now although sometimmes i do wish i hadnt... and iv acualy picked up bad habit...


but yea i am glad your alive take this as fire and use it... id give a shit load to be able 2 talk to a therapist cuz it would be someone i could break down to say everything on my mind and s/he wouldnt be able to say ANYTHING to anyone else... lol it would be great...




i know im uber add when it comes to this but yea


i am glad you are alive and you have a chance to use that i mean hell you could now help other people with this experience and if it wasnt for i had outpationt surgery and a big shot and have 2 go to the doc tomorrow... id prolly be more help and have more interesting stuff 2 read

 

I re-read your first post on this thread... It's really scary. I just want you to know that we ALL care here.. You have a lot of people here that would be really upset to hear that you had killed yourself. And what's worse is that we probably would never know. You would just stop posting and we would never know.

I don't what your current status is.. I hope you're doing better, but I just had to say that I would cry If anything ever happened to someone here. There's nothing in life that we can't get through here. This place can change things. We care about you.

Please, stay strong for us and for yourself. We can all get through this together.

Brenton

 

I'm REALLY glad to hear that. You look really happy with your friends on myspace.