Well, this is my first post here and it has taken me a while to even join this site. But, this is a great place and I'm glad to be here. Anyway, over the past year or so I've determined I am a bisexual female. I've been questioning since I was a freshman in college- so for about 5 years. Last year, I realized I had a massive crush on one of my best friends. We talked about it and she wasn't interested, but we are still best of friends. She was the first person, I guess you could say, that I came out to. Fast forward to about a month ago where I came out to my other two best friends. One said she had already known that. The other wasn't shocked at all and I have found nothing but support from my friends. Now, I really want to come out to my family- my mom in particular. We are best friends as well and I hate lying to her. I just can't find a good way or time to do it. I just haven't been able to swallow that giant lump in my throat and spit it out. She is a super busy person, too, so free time alone with her is hard to come by. I did have an opportunity a few weeks ago where we were alone in the car for an hour, but I just couldn't do it, as much as I want to. I know she will be super supportive no matter what, she's already said that (if any of her kids came out as gay, anyway). I've thought about writing her a letter- I'll be moving away in 2 months to start a professional school, so I'm wondering if I should wait until I move to tell her or not. I'm just looking for some advice in general on the subject. My dad- well he will be a different story and I'm no where near ready to come out to him. Thanks again, everyone!
Hi there, Our situations sound pretty similar! I am glad you want to take the next step in coming out to your mom. I told my mom I am also into girls and at first she was surprised because I don't think she saw it coming, but then brushed it off as "no big deal." It sounds like your mom will probably also be totally accepting. Of course you have to do what you think is best for yourself, but when I have a hard time telling someone something I have a strategy. Usually for me it works to say "I have something to tell you," and then just try to be as honest and forthright as possible. In your situation I might say "it is a bit weird and you might be a little surprised, but we are so close and I just felt like I wanted to tell you something a little unexpected I have come to discover about myself (I am attracted to women/ I am bisexual/ I thought I was straight until...)" I am not sure about a letter because it doesn't leave much room for a conversation, which it sounds like you really value with your mom. It might be hard to spit out initially, but then you can have a chat about what exactly that means for you, and ask her if she has any concerns or questions for you. Of course the details are ultimately up to you, but it sounds like you will do a fine job! Let me know how it goes!
Thank you for the advice! I think part of me also wanting to write a letter is that my mom is SO busy all the time. Even though I'm older 23, I'll be off to school in 2 months, she has my younger sister to care for, she is a single mom (though getting married in October) works night shifts at the hospital, does all the shopping, etc. I work days so sometime I hardly ever see her. If I do see her, she is hardly ever alone. I'd like to talk to her one on one about it without any interruptions. I'll keep trying, though, to see if I can get her alone and chat about it.
Haha- I know how that is! I am also now wondering if I should come out to my dad. I don't even know what I will come out AS really... I am also almost 23 and have given him every reason to believe I am totally straight! I am dating a guy now too, so there is no real reason to come out to him, but I also want him to know who I am, so I am kind of torn. Have you had a chance to talk to your mom yet? 2 months is a fairly big window!
I wish you luck with your dad- I know that is going to be really hard for me as he is more 'strict' I would say. My mom might suspect that I'm not totally straight, I'm not sure, we shall see. But no, I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. I really will try, though, and if it doesn't happen before I leave, then I think I'll either tell her on the phone or mail her a letter.
Thanks for the welcome! As an update: I still haven't told either of my parents. It is now less than a month until I move, so I'm about 99% sure I'm going to write a letter to them and then mail it once I get settled in Missouri. I tried once more to tell my mom when we were alone, but I just couldn't say it. I feel like a failure in that aspect, but I've just never been one to be that open with my feelings.
