So an amazing thing happened, and I found myself a girlfriend! Unfortunately, this now means that I probably should tell my mum before she hears it from someone else. To me it would not be such a problem, but because it is kind of a big thing she might be less freaked out if she heard it from me. But how do I tell her?!?! I never talk about any serious, personal and emotional things with her! When I was in primary school I thought that if I ever got a boyfriend, I would not tell my mum. Apparently my feelings hasn't changed much apart from I no longer want a boyfriend. And that I'm 23 now, and therefore should just act like a grown-up and tell her. It feels like the whole fact that I am in a relationship is a more difficult to tell than the fact that it's a girl I'm seeing... That just makes it worse, because I know she won't be pleased to find out that her daughter is a homosexual. I think she will worry what everyone else will think and how they will judge me and her. I am from a very small town, people talk and everyone knows each others business too well. And my mum is very afraid of what people think. What should I do?!
Grats on the girlfriend thing! As you said, it's better for both of you if she finds out through you that other people. I'm not gonna lie to you, it might get hard if she cares about other people's opinions, but it's for the best, if it's a small town, she'll probably hear from someone else sooner or later. Just remember that we are here to support you at any time! Good luck and keep us informed!
I am really struggling imagining how to start the conversation. Are there any good ways to get closer to the topic? I would like the fact that I've found someone to be more important than the fact that she's a girl. This conversation will be way out of both of our comfort zone...
You can start talking about how she found your dad, how they met, her ex boyfriends. Things like that will bring the both of you closer to each other. Perhaps you can then say something like, well I've found someone in a similar way (if she told you how she met your dad for example). If you establish a connection between your relationship and hers it may be easier for her to swallow. She'll probably ask you who is the lucky GUY or something like that, you then drop the bomb, say something like, well she is very sweet, or I met her at... . I wouldn't recommend saying like: THE THING IS SHE IS A GIRL AND WE'RE LESBIANS HAHAHAHHAHA. OK, that was a bit exaggerated, but you get the point. Practice the talk as you best consider, but think of it as if you were slowly learning of your relationship with your gf and you were telling it to your mother. We met at XXX place, we have many things in common, we're both from (insert the town you live in). And then, I'm sure you'll like her. Anyway, I know the post is a bit confusing, but do you get the point?
Just do it and don't think about how to do it because these plans sometimes don't work out anyway I came out to my mum while she was away from home for a few days, so that she would have had some time to think about it by the time she got home I didn't even plan on coming out to her, but I suddenly thought: "I'm will come out now!" and I did it, before I could second-guess myself ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2013 at 09:17 PM ---------- Oh, and how did I start the conversation? Nothing unusual, really: "Mum, I need to tell you something, because I don't want to lie anymore. I like girls." There you go
Thank you for your replies! I tried to tell my mum today, but in the end we just spoke about all sorts of other things. Our relatives, the cat, the weather... Even my girlfriend came up, but I didn't mention that we were together. She also mentioned my ex (who she doesn't know is my ex) and how she "for some stupid reason" did not speak to me for some time (the "stupid reason" being the fact that we broke up...) and I just did not manage to tell her. So in the end I spoke to my girlfriend and almost cried about how it is so hard to carry on hiding it and lying to her, but also how I am so nervous to tell her anything that personal. In the end I wrote her an email, where I said that I am seeing someone nice. I also mentioned that my friend M cooked some delicious curry for dinner. I hope she doesn't know think that I am going out with her... Anyway, I am expecting a phone call tomorrow where she will ask who I am seeing... I'm so nervous, I feel slightly sick.
This somewhat reminds me of coming out to my mom. Absolutely no idea how to start the conversation...took me like ten minutes of stuttering to get it out there. About a year later a human sexuality professor had everyone write "coming out as straight, bi, and gay" letters to your parents (just for a grade). I then realized how freakin' awesome and perfect that would have been, given how big of struggle it was to get that out. I wish in retrospect I had done that. A letter to more properly summarize the outpouring of emotions that you sometimes just can't get out in spoken word... That would be my suggestion to you. In any case, good luck .
Yes Sayu! Or in fact I phoned her. I quit my job today. And then phoned my mum. I told her I just quit my job. I had talked about that with her earlier, when I was just considering quitting. And then we had the following conversation: Me: So did you get my email? Mum: Yes. It's great that you've met someone! Haha, you phrased it in a really funny way... what did you say? You said something like "I've met a new interesting person"... Me: Mmmm, yeah. I assume you understood what I was trying to get to with that...? Mum: Um, well you didn't want to tell me his name? Me: Why would the name matter? Mum: Well, I don't know. What does he do? Is he studying? Or does he have a job? Me: *completely panicking* Um... Mum: *carries on asking questions* Me: Well, actually... It's not a man. Mum: Oh... Me: *freaking out that I actually said it* Mum: How did you get that sort of an idea? Me: ...eh? Mum: Yeah, how did you think of something like that? Me: I am not sure if I understand what you mean. Mum: Well ok. Hmm, is this a passing phase? Me: No. Mum: Ok. Well who is it? Me: *tells my girlfriend's name* Mum: Oh, so that's why she came to see you? Me: Yes. Mum: Alright. Well I don't have problem with that. Everyone can do what they want. :wow: I was not expecting her to take it so well. O___o
