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Went over ex-GFs to come out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by needpeace50, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. needpeace50

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    About a month ago me and my ex-gf broke up. While the causes of the split were numerous, one of the reasons was most definitely because I needed to sort out my sexuality. In this month, I have come to accept my sexuality much better and even have grown comfortable with the notion of me being gay. The other day, after much soul searching, I decided to hang out with my ex-gf with the slightest intention of telling her that I might be gay (I wasn't sold on telling her, but if the moment presented itself I was going to). However, I never mustered the strength to tell her, and contrarily, after a great night of chilling and relaxing, we actually had passionate sex. Obviously, this was even more confusing for me, as I had almost reached the conclusion that I would never desire to sleep with a woman again. But in that moment it definitely felt right. Now, even after reaching the conclusion that I very well might be gay, I have trouble just turning off habits of hitting on and ogling girls. Does anybody have any advice for me? Did any men who were closeted for a while go through similar experiences where they had trouble turning off habits of chasing women? Am I jumping the gun in declaring to myself that I am gay?
     
  2. Unsure201338

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    Have you considered that you might be bi, rather than gay? It is also possible I guess that you were overcome by the emotion of the situation which I could see as well.
     
  3. Candace

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    I would try to step and evaluate this situation once more. Are you sure that you're not bi? or at most bi curious?
     
  4. needpeace50

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    At this point it really is just so hard to say. One thing that was periodic when I was dating my girlfriend were times where I would become very depressed regarding my sexuality. Whether this depression was caused by the fact that I was unable to reconcile my homosexual desires with the perfectly straight image I had created, or if it was simply caused because I am gay and unable to be in a steady relationship with a woman is hard to tell at this point. In regard to my sexual desire, I would say I am certainly more turned on by homosexual porn than heterosexual, but the ability to be turned on by a woman is still definitely present. Again I don't know if this is simply a case of old habits dying hard, or if I just need to be more patient with myself. Either way, the fact that I don't hate myself anymore for having homosexual desire/thoughts is very relieving. But still, I would like to set myself on the path that is most right for me if possible.
     
  5. FemCasanova

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    It sounds to me like you could be bisexual, which would be great, because then you`re not restricted to gender when finding a potential soul-mate :wink: You could be bisexual, but feeling the need to explore things with a guy, instead of a woman, because that part of your sexuality needs "figuring out" or confirmation. Which could explain why you`re having trouble being in a steady relationship with a woman, but still being able to get aroused by them sexually. I think you just need a few more experiences, trying out being with a guy, trying out a relationship with a guy. Figure out which of the two options feel more right, or if there`s any difference there for you after a while. It sounds like you`ve come a long way towards self-acceptance, that you`re not struggling with self-hate anymore, which is great! You`ll figure the rest out as you go!
     
  6. Zoe

    Zoe
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    Hi there, Need Peace--

    You might in fact be bi, but to be honest, I have no experience there, so I'll let other people speak to that--several have already done a good job. I've just come out, but there's no doubt in my mind that it's just women for me.

    So I'll offer another explanation, one that several people on EC helped me with: Unsure mentioned that you might have been caught up in the emotions. That might be very true. To sort of build on that, sex is a lot about relationship, in addition to gender/sexual attraction. While you may or may not be attracted to women in general, you still have a relationship with your ex, and that might be enough for you to have passionate sex.

    FemCasanova makes a good point--perhaps you need a few more experiences to figure out where you are.

    Hope this helps-
    Zoe