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Very confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lukeb, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. lukeb

    Regular Member

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    Very confused

    Hi guys, I've been building up the courage to type this up somewhere and you seem like a friendly place so here goes nothing lol. I feel really really bad for the situation I've gotten myself into, please don't judge me :/

    I'm a 19 year old guy and I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year now and generally thought I was happy but recently I've been having really really strong feelings for my best mate. He's 22 and has been out for as long as I knew him. Met him 3 years ago when I started my first job and he was my supervisor. He's amazing to talk to he really looked after me there and when I left work 2 years ago we kept in touch and have been really close friends since. I always thought he was good looking I suppose but just in a casual way never actually felt anything until last year when he drove round to my house after my grandad died and my parents were in France so that I wouldn't be alone. He stayed up all night talking to me and I felt so close to him and I spent most of the next week thinking about him. As bad as it sounds I really didn't want to be gay and just told myself I was all over the place with my grandad dying as we were really close but then a few months later we went up to Manchester to a gig and stayed over in a hotel sharing a room and I saw him coming out of the shower and instantly felt really attracted to him.

    I've tried so many times to get him to ask if I might be but he never does and even though it might be wishful thinking theres lots of little things have made me wonder if he likes me back. He stares at me sometimes when he thinks I'm not looking and hugs me a lot he's not a very flirty person but he does it a lot with me. I went shopping with him once and was trying on suits and when he saw me in one he told me I looked cute and that my gf was a lucky girl. I've tried being very touchy feely with him which he's always responded to, I even told him the other day I thought a footballer was fit and he looked at me funny but then just carried on as normal. Last time he stayed at mine we were up until about 5am and I suggested just sharing my bed to save him sleeping on the sofa and he laughed it off but stayed lay down on it with me for a while afterwards but when I woke up hed gone downstairs on the sofa.

    I feel really bad lusting after him but I'm not sure how I feel about everything. Sometimes I'm really not happy with a girlfriend and even though I do find some guys attractive he's the only one I've ever had what I think are proper feelings for. Could these just be because I know he is and has accepted it? I really want him to know I'm feeling like this but I'm scared he'll be angry that I haven't been honest with him.
     
  2. mattjm

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    Well it sounds like you have some strong feelings for this guy and telling him your feelings will result in one of two things one he accepts your feelings or two he feels betrayed that you weren't completely honest maybe both but I honestly think you should just tell him and hope for the best
     
  3. Dins3label

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    Honestly you run a real risk here. If he's not feeling the same way he will probably wonder about all of these things... the bed sharing and stuff. When or if you do come out, I don't recommend telling him about your feelings.

    First and foremost, he's your friend.

    Mostly because you have a girlfriend... its a tricky situation because you have no clue right now about your sexuality. You mention "proper feelings", does this just mean intense attraction and infatuation? It's really important to be open about what you are feeling sexually.

    I was in the same boat as you with the girlfriend situation and questioning. You can read some of my threads from a couple of months ago (a lot has changed!) Not to say you are gay! But these feelings are real... In my opinion you are at least bisexual.

    Work on sorting your feelings out this week.

    1) Flesh out your relationship with your girlfriend, your feelings, the sexual connection, etc.

    2) Compare it to how you feel about him. What's the same? What's different? What's more natural? (By natural I don't mean what your head says is natural, what you feel)

    3) Confide in a real friend. Not to either of them though right now. But I was helped immensely when I got a real human to listen to me.

    Good luck, and you can always ask me more questions. This is complicated but not as much as you think!