Thank you guys for your help in figuring out when and how to tell my mom, it really helped! On to the next question: what about my dad? My dad has always been very homophobic, despite the fact that he is not religious. A year ago he told me he would not accept homosexuality in my brother (my brother has never said he is gay), saying if my brother brought home a guy he would not let the boyfriend in the house. I asked him if he would let me bring home a girl and he said that it was different. For a long time I thought he was ok with lesbians and just not gay men (hypocritical, but not my belief), but a few months ago he started banning my mom and brother from watching tv shows even mentioning lesbian couples. So it's safe to assume he will not react in favor in me wanting to be with girls. However, I really think I should come out to him after I tell my mom, and here is why: 1. I want to open the closet door. This means that I don't really care about telling anybody outside of my close friends and family about my sexuality directly, but I also don't want to lie about it. I want to be honest about who I'm dating and what I'm doing. This means that if something happens on Facebook (like being tagged in a picture or status) and my uncle sees, I don't want to have to worry about word spreading back to my dad and him hearing second or third hand what's going on. 2. I want to give him time to adjust. I want to someday have all the things a normal heterosexual couple has including a wedding and bringing girlfriends home to the family. I feel that this won't be possible unless he has adequate time to adjust to my orientation. 3. I'm not living at home, so I don't have to worry about awkward interactions except for occasional phone calls. 4. I have a sneaking suspicion my brother might also be gay, so if I came out it could ease my dad's homophobic reaction to his sexuality. 5. I kind of hope he could become a better person for it, but fear it could make him worse. I don't think my dad would have too bad of a reaction, my dad isn't violent or confrontational, he'll probably just mope about it for a long time and maybe make some under the breath comments every now and then, which I can deal with. If I came out to him it would be via letter, because he has been kind of hard to get along with lately and it would give him time to process before he could come to me and talk about it. I would like to come out over fathers day weekend when I tell my mom, but understand it's kind of a rude time to do it, so I could possibly wait another week or mail it to him. I wouldn't do it in person because he has a really weird way of dealing with confrontation where he shuts down and gets condescending and he really would need time to think about it. Secondly, transportation back and forth is too hard to come back for another weekend. What do you guys think?
i'm in a veeery similar situation right now...I just told my mom and she's really weird about it,i don' think she can accept it just yet and i'm thinking of telling my dad. But i'm afraid of his reaction,hes also not violent(usually) or religious but i'm afraid he'll be weird about it... I still don't think i'm gonna tell him any time soon though.... I'm also not living with my parents right now and that's good but i'd like to becoe as independant as i can befre telling my dad....If i come to a point where i can't hide it anymore,for whatever reason, i will tell him... My mum also suggested that i don't tell him just yet, as he would be "ready" for it... he's way more prejudice than her you see...And that's saying something!!! PP I understand you want to be honest,hell that's the reason i wanna tell to, but i think we should both wait until the time is right.... I'm very positive that i will get married,have a family and all that and my dad not knowing for another 2 months or 2 years isn't gonna get in the way... I'll jus feel weird around him... Hope i helped John.
It sounds like a great idea. If you're ready to be out, then you should tell your Dad so he hears it from you. (even from a letter) I agree that father's day weekend might not be the best time for it. I say let him have his weekend, then drop the news. Good luck! Let us know how it all goes.
Thanks guys, I'm still conflicted. I think I'm going to draft a letter and see how he is acting over the weekend I go home. If he's generally in a good mood, I'll drop the bomb. If not, I'll give the letter to my mom and let her use her on discretion to when he should know.
