So I just received my college roommate assignments and was wondering about how i should treat the matter of my sexuality with them. Right now it does say I am gay on my Facebook and I've friended all 3 of them (I signed up for a quad because from experience all my friends that notice that I am gay typically try to avoid one on one time with me because they feel awkward but they feel fine in group settings) but I am unsure about them noticing it being there or even taking it seriously (I also have things saying i am a druid, support total anarchy, and my first language is sarcasm). So I am wondering if I should tell them up front before we room together or later if it comes up as a relevant thing in conversation. One of them is coming from a pretty liberal area and seems like he wouldn't care. Another was a football star in highschool that is competing in college for water skiing, he comes from a conservative area too and I'm not sure if he would mind or not (we've emailed a little and he does seem very friendly though). The third is an Italian kid coming over to the states for college. The only thing on his Facebook profile is his picture and his religious view:born again christian........ I'm not saying he won't be okay with me but down here in the south any person claiming to be "born again" generaly is an asshole to me. So should I come out to them now and let them switch rooms if they want or just leave it be.
Being gay shouldn't effect your ability to be a good room mate. If I was you I would wait till you get to know them before you come out unless your open and just want to tell people casually. I'm sorry your friends have been avoiding one on one time with you because your gay, Just remember that thats their problem for being stupid if they are avoiding one on one time with you because your gay. If one of your room mates has a problem with you being gay let him switch rooms it's his problem.
What did you do when you friended them? You read their profile, thus how you know one is a born again christian. I'm going to bank on that they did the same since probably no one wants to live with someone they don't know anything about. I seriously doubt they think you listing interested in "men" on Facebook is a joke. I think that is all that is needed, and it is really the simplest way of coming out to your future roommates. That's how I found out about my first roommate (who was out), and we never really spoke of it.
I faced this situation last year when I started college. I ended up telling my roommate I was bi when he came back drunk one night. I only did it because he was telling me about his drinking problem and I felt that if he could be vulnerable with me, I could be vulnerable with him. So I told him and he was cool about it. But with your situation, you already have it on Facebook you like men so if I were you, I would go by a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy so to speak. If they ask you, tell them. If they don't, don't mention it.
Personally, I think authenticity is the way to go. You don't need to rub it in their faces, but you could, the first or second day of college, make a casual remark that lets it be known you're gay... "I'm really looking forward to meeting people at the GSA" or, if relationships come up, you could just casually say "Oh, yeah, I was dating this guy in high school, but he was kind of immature so it didn't work out well." The idea is, you act like they already know, make it something that's completely normal, like your eye color, and if you treat it that way, they probably will also.
My experience coming out to roommates is a mixed bag. During the fall of my sophomore year, I came out to one of my roommates (I was living with two, both pretty liberal guys), and he was fine with it. It was a little awkward at first, but that disappeared pretty quickly. Later in the year, by virtue of him seeing me and the guy I was dating together, I came out to my other roommate. It went downhill from there (he was "very supportive of gays" but didn't feel comfortable living with anyone who wasn't straight). During the spring semester, they teamed up and asked me not to live with them again in the fall (we had all renewed our leases). I told them there wasn't a shot in hell that I was moving out because of their insecurities. Over a year later, and I'm still living in the apartment, and they're long gone. As it turns out, because they moved out, I got new roommates, and one of them became my best friend. So there's a nice silver lining, I suppose. Personally, I wouldn't come out to roommates again unless it was absolutely necessary (i.e., I had a boyfriend around all the time or something along those lines). Too much risk for my liking. The two, three months in between them telling me they no longer wanted me to live there and the end of the semester were at best full of tension and hostility, and at worse, pretty much a living hell.
