A bit of a worst nightmare situation just occured. I got in a fight with my mom, and one of the things I threatened to do is to not go to a certain award banquet and a pool party (for my team), In spite, she said "Why don't you go to the pool party? There will be cute boys there you could meet; oh wait, you like girls (spoken angrily). Should I tell (coach) why you won't be going?". I'm freaking out right now,,,, I think she might have read my email. As a therapeutic device, I wrote a letter to my coach coming out, which I did not send to her, but I sent it to myself in order to save it between devices. My mom used to frequently check my email, but stopped after I regained her trust.., and now this,,, while also thinking of what else she could have read (having to do with my self harm and depression)...terrifies me. I am too pissed at her right now to even ask about it. Any advice for after we both cool down? Should I bring it up again? Should I let it drop? I just can't look at her the same knowing that she may have read my letter... But I feel if I ask about the letter and she didn't read it, then I will have to tell her about it. Thanks! FYI: I am completely closeted but have planned on coming out to my mom and coach soon, but not like this.
There isn't anyway you can tell right now if she did or not I'd drop it unless your suspicision of her reading it becomes greater
Have you tried changing your password? As for the current situation, it definitely sounds like she knows. You might as well just tell her. You could send her the letter, as if she hadn't already seen it. Sucks that she invaded your privacy.
Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Imagine a balloon inflating and deflating as you breathe. (mine is green) If your mind wanders from the balloon, don't get upset or frustrated...it happens. Just acknowledge the thought and then go back to thinking about your balloon. Once you are calm, think about what you feel you should do. Now, if your Mom did read your email, then she may be upset that you wrote a letter to your coach and not her. It is clear she knows. The best thing will probably be you just talking to her about what happened. Make sure you tell her that you didn't write her a letter because you wanted to tell her in person. Something like that so she knows she is important. Us Moms are a crazy bunch and we just like to know our kids see us as important to their lives.
Yup, sounds as if she read it. I would confront her, Mom, are you reading my e-mails again? If she asks you why you ask, you can say that you found your mail open in your computer or something like that, make the reason sound like it's no big deal.
Hmmm... It sounds like she definitely knows. I would take a breath, cool off for a few days (or weeks) and then bring it up calmly when you're both much more amiable. Love always!
Thanks! I've calmed down a bit now.... But Im still worried. UGHH. I just wish that my mom knew that I actually didn't send the letter to my coach and I wasn't planning on doing so... Because I swore to myself that I would tell her (my mom) first. The only reason I think she may not have read the letter is that my entire extended family has mentioned me being gay and so has she lately, and I used to just brush it off or lie, but now I completely change the subject.
You should just ask her why she said what she said about you liking girls. If she says that she read an email about it, adressed to your coach, then you have your answer. If you're not out to her yet, that doesn't mean that she doesn't suspect it so maybe she just found out by herself.. Or, she might just have said that for no reason at all.. you know how moms are haha
Ahh ... parents. What's the worst that can happen if you tell your mom you're gay? I've dealt with that. I was always afraid about what would happen if I told my mom I was gay. I thought of the horrible things that she would say and that she probably would ask me to leave. The truth is, my mom always knew I was gay and was upset that I never had said it to her. At first, parents may feel dissapointed, but believe me, the feeling of freedom after telling them is much better than anything. Acceptance of homosexuality is one thing that completely corresponds to each one, both your parents and you. Now that I told my parents, we get along much better and my life has changed because I lost earlier fears that tormented me. Most likely, your mother is upset that you haven't tell her you're gay, which means that you do not feel comfortable talking to her and you don't have the confidence she would expect. My recommendation is: talk to her once things have happened and clear the situation. It is heavy and frustrating to live in hiding, pretending that we are not gay. All Empty Closets community supports you
It seems quite evident that she knows... Does your mom have a problem with gay people, or more importantly, with you being gay? If so, or even if not so, the best thing to do is to find your cool. I knkow it's hard to do that when parents crank up our indignation-ignition and send us into flaming fury, you have to calm down before you confront her. Do you hvae anything that you do that would calm your nerves any other day? Writing, singing, video games, drawing, swimming, running? Anything that can even out your mind. I'd advise that while you're trying to cool off, you have a brisk, casual conversation with your mom every here and there, it'll help you get back into the swing of conversing with her and help you slowly mend your link with your mom. Just a "how was your day" or "good morning" or "good night"-- just VERY brisk conversation. I'm not asking you to be all smiles when you say it either, but just slowly get back into the swing of conversing with her until your relationship is mended.
If she said something in a fairly blasé way like that, it sounds like you're in the clear, for the most part. While she did bring it up to shame/offend you, it seems like she was only using it for argument ammo rather than a real point of contention. You could try admitting it when neither of you are angry and see what her reaction is. If she said it so casually, I guarantee she won't be surprised when you tell her for real.
She knows. Maybe from your letter, maybe from other signs. Many times, moms just know, like a sixth sense. So, as tough as it is to do, the best solution is to take a deep breath and just accept it for what it is. Since she does know, you might as well talk about the elephant in the room and get it out of the way. The conversation might be awkward, but it's necessary, and I think you'll be a lot happier once it's behind you.
