I hate this. I really do. Being in the closet is killing me. I can't sleep anymore. It's past 1 in the morning, and I've just about had it. I'm gay. There's no doubt in my mind that I like guys. It's a fact I've accepted. Problem is, I can't bring myself to come out to anyone. It's driving me nuts. And now I'm even more stressed about it than before. I haven't confirmed anyone's suspicions, but know the following: - My mom knows I was questioning. She knows nothing more than that. It made her a bit teary eyed. It was painful. - My dad, I think, either was informed by my mom, or has his own suspicions, based on the fact that, at 16, I've never expressed any interest in girls, and that when he notices a pretty girl, I don't bat an eye, even when he points her out to me. He flat out asked if I was gay at one point. I was talking about the correlation between stupidity and homophobia among my classmates. Long story. - My cousin is gay. Just last night, he and I were talking on Facebook. He's quite a bit older than me. I never knew until I added him on the site. (He's listed Men in the "Interested in" section.) During the conversation, he asked if I liked anyone, or was interested in dating. I brushed it off, brilliantly, with "Eh. Couldn't be bothered." Academy Award winning performance, I think. Now, I'm just stuck. I want to come out. I really do. But, I just don't know how. Before, I felt like my dad would be the easiest first step, since he's blatantly expressed support. Now, though... I realize that talking to my cousin would be easiest. He's gay. There's no way in hell he'd have a problem with it. Seriously, someone, help me through this. I hate it. I really, really, REALLY hate it. I hate being closeted, and I just want to be open. I want to have a relationship. I want to have a life. How should I move forward?
If I was you I would come out to your gay cousin. You know your cousin would support you and maybe even make your experience easier. It's always nice to have a shoulder to lean on especially if that person possibly has shared the same experience and can help you get through it easier then on your own. If it helps you build your confidence possibly test your dad to see if he would be a good second candidate and also when your dad asked you if you were gay did it seem as if he had an issue with what you possibly were going to say? Good luck! In the end its your decision, try and find a time that seems suitable. If your sexuality is brought up and you feel comfortable might as well tell the truth lol cause no one would question you on if you were straight or not, unless they were already curious that you were gay Again good luck on your journey! (*hug*) ~Zack~
Go with the cousin! You can also ask him for advice about coming out to your parents and friends. Let his experience help guide you! There is light at the end of the tunnel-- Good luck!
Hello There, Turbo Turtle, I agree--your cousin might be a good person to start with for the reasons already stated. But I think the larger piece of advice I have would be this: You're ready to come out, and that's great. You know who are you and you're ready to tell people. That is an enormous step and something you should be proud of all on its own. It takes some of us (er, me) many, many years to figure this out about ourselves and sometimes many more to be ready to tell others. So take a minute and congratulate yourself on what you've already accomplished. Now--first things first. You're ready to tell someone. Great. The first person you tell should be chosen thoughtfully. A bad first experience may hinder your coming out to anyone else. I don't say this to scare you, only to help you think carefully about who that first person should be. Here's what I would suggest: 1. It should be someone you trust absolutely, both to be loving in their response to you and in their ability to keep a secret until you're ready to be fully out. 2. It should be someone you are close enough to that you feel comfortable just being yourself around them. 3. Given your unease about coming out to others, if possible, it should be someone who be willing, and perhaps able (like your cousin) to help you think about a strategy for coming out to others: Who, in what order and how 4. In terms of who to tell in what order, if you're very worried about telling your parents, but you still want to, you may want to think about telling a small group of trusted friends first in order to build up a support network for yourself. Now, your cousin may very well be who you want to tell first. I don't know what your relationship with him his like, but he does sound like he's in a position to help you think about the next steps. If you don't really know him well or trust him, he may not be the right person. Only you know that. The first person you tell might be a therapist or counselor. This is a great option if it's available to you. They have heard it all, are non-judgmental and they are completely objective. They can help you see situations more clearly that you can see them yourself. My therapist was the first person I told, and that was absolutely the right decision for me. Once you're ready to tell someone, there are all sort of ways you can come out to people, none of them right or wrong. You just have to do what is right for you and for the relationship with the other person/people. There are several threads around the site dedicated to how to come out: letter, text, phone call, email, cake (Hawaiian Flower), rainbow bracelets, FB, Twitter. You name it and we've talked about it. Again--you have to choose what is right for you, and it will probably be different for every person and group you tell. So--take a breath, congratulation yourself on the big step you're ready to take, and think about the best, most trusted and supportive person in your life and get ready to tell them. I hope this helped. --Zoe
You already have, you came out to yourself, that's the hardest part (*hug*) so a big congratulations for doing that (*hug*)
Coming out to yourself is HUGE and wonderful! It took me 30+ years to get that far. You have a built-in support in your cousin. I would come out to him first. Maybe he feels lonely too.(*hug*)
Thanks for all of your advice. My only concern is, I've never really been that close to my cousin. He lives states away, and always has. He's significantly older than me, and I haven't seen him in years. That being said, we're still family, and he's still probably my best bet for support. I'm considering telling some of my close friends, but I'm completely in the dark about their feelings towards homosexuality. I don't know if they hate it or not, and that worries me. I don't have too many close friends, and I'd like to keep the ones I do have. This is all very frustrating. It's like gambling, but with my social life. :bang:
Turbo Turtle, This is probably incredibly stressful for you right now... but I can tell you it get's so much better! I came out two months ago and I have become a much happier person. You may think it's a gamble, and it might be a tiny bit, but your friends are there to support you no matter what. I found that it was easier to tell my one friend who was a girl before my big group of guy friends. When I told my guy friends, I was surprised how the dynamic hadn't changed at all. (And they love sports and have never had a gay friend before me). If anything.. they were curious about how it all worked! To be honest, your mom probably just doesn't want you to go through the perceived challenges of being gay. She's out to protect you because she wants you to be happy. Let her know that you are for sure gay and you can't change who you are. The news takes time to settle but it has to be said. Sit each of them down individually and tell them, or together if that's more comfortable. You sound like you're about ready to burst, that's how I was too. The first time you say the dreaded "I'm gay" is the hardest, and pretty soon you are breezing through the coming out process like you're a pro. In fact you will even get to the point where friends will talk to you about guys you like and finally be able to understand a whole part of you. I think I grew closer to people after I came out because I was finally giving them 100% of myself. It is so frustrating right now, but you will realize that once the buzz dies down, you will just be you. Looking back, coming out is as monumental as I expected it, but not in any of the ways I thought it would be. If you DO have any problems. We will always be here, and people will get over themselves. If they don't, they aren't meant to be in your life!
