I came out!!!

I never thought I'd be posting in this section, but I'm out! I'm finally out!

I've been a psychiatric mess these past few days (I have panic disorder), and my blood pressure skyrocketed to 170/130. And as I was curled up in a ball, crying and sobbing and breathing jaggedly, my dad was just sitting there comforting me. So I got the courage and had this conversation with him:

Dad: Do you know what's causing all this anxiety?
Me: Yeah, but I don't know that I'm ready to talk about it.
Dad: Well is it work-related?
Me: Nope.
Dad: School-related?
Me: Nope.
Dad: Personal?
Me: *shakes with anxiety in a bundle of tears* Yeah.
Dad: Well I want you to know that no matter what it is, no matter what, you're mum and I will always love you. Don't worry about hurting are feelings because you won't. We just want you to be happy and who you are, so whenever you're ready, you can tell me anything in the world. Anything.
Me: Okay, well I need you to reaffirm one thing and promise one thing for me. I need you to reaffirm that you really do mean I could tell you anything, and I need you to promise to not tell mom because I want to tell her myself.
Dad: Hon, I really did mean that. I'll always love you no matter what, that's what dads are for. So definitely don't worry about that. And I won't tell anyone, including your mom, until you're ready.
Me: Okay, then I might as well get this over with. To quote an online article I read, "Let's get one thing straight: I'm not."
Dad: You're not what?
Me: I'm not straight. I'm gay.
Dad: Oh!! Oh honey, that doesn't matter to me, I'm totally okay with that. And I've suspected it for months now - the hints you've been dropping aren't exactly subtle! *laughs*
Me: *laughs back* Phew!!! That feels like a massive, massive weight's been lifted off of me .
Dad: Good! Just remember than we'll always be here for you.
Me: Mom's just about to get home. Here comes the encore!

*mom enters house*

Mom: Hey honey! How's your day been?
Me: Good! Can you come sit down? I need to talk to you.
Dad: *continues cooking in kitchen*
Mom: Sure! Hold on, let me just get my jacket and boots off.

*mom walks over and sits down on the couch with me*

Mom: So what's up?
Me: I need to tell you something. Dad already knows, but, okay, here we go...
Mom: What is it?
Me: I quoted this to dad and I'll quote it again from an online article to you, "Let's get one thing straight, I'm not."
Mom: Aww, honey, I know. I've suspected that for a long time. I still love you, and I'm totally okay with it! Whoever you date is always welcome here. We both love you to pieces and always will.
Me: Thanks . *hugs*
Mom: My only regret is that you didn't tell me sooner! That sounds like an awful weight to carry around, I wish I could have helped you with it.
Me: Thanks, that really means a lot. It's kind of an internal struggle, but now that everything's in the open, all is well .

Me to both my parents: I'm still who I was yesterday - you just now know a bit more about me.
Both of them: We know, and this changes nothing - we'll always love you, and whoever you get involved with will always be welcome here (*hug*).


And now my anxiety is gone! Wow, this feels great to have off my chest .

 

It totally is that way for me . It's like I've been carrying a 2000-kilogram burden on my shoulders for years, and now it's finally lifted - I feel liberated, like I have a new lease on life! I'm on top of the moon, I'm absolutely ecstatic .

Thanks! (*hug*). I wish the same for you .

Thanks, and they really are .

That part actually surprised and overjoyed me . They even said I could have people over for dinner sometimes if I want to! Or just go out on a whim and say that I'm meeting a guy for coffee! Or invite someone over to fool around in the basement! The sense of freedom is astounding :icon_bigg.

Thank you, and no kidding! It's the best feeling to know that you don't have to worry about things and you can just be who you are .

Thanks!

Thankies! :icon_bigg. It sure did take a lot of mental preparation to build that courage though .

So true! Because anyone else that has a problem with it, well, I have no problem coming onto them to send them running :lol:.

Thankies .

Thanks, I feel awesome right now . (*hug*)

 

If they've told you they're okay with it, then they're okay with it! You'll be fine (*hug*) - just remember to be yourself, and as you come out, remind your parents that you're the same person you were yesterday - they just now know another fact about you! If you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here too .

Thanks .

Well my mom said that she and my dad talked about the possibility that I was gay about a year ago, so they've suspected for a long time! She also said that I showed no interest in girls, that I'd often stare at hot guys, and that I seemed to know which actors were gay and which weren't .

She actually said that she felt bad for pushing me to find a girl to date for years before a year ago and said that that must've been really hard for me. I told her it wasn't that bad and that it wasn't her fault - gave her a hug and now everything's good .

For my dad, he said he knew just because I didn't exhibit a single stereotypically straight characteristic. Not a single one. And he's been around quite a few gay people - he worked as a nurse on the AIDS ward in the 80's, so homosexuality is no stranger to him! He just said that he picked up the vibe, but didn't want to say anything until I was ready .

 

Thanks Todd, will do!

And if anyone wants to read the longer story of how I got to this point, I wrote it in Coming Out Stories overe here

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/96931-my-really-long-coming-out-story.html