Okay, so, I'm Emmy, and I'm 17. (Long story...) I am pretty sure I'm a lesbian.... but I kind of don't want to be one. I have always looked at girls and had an attraction. I remember my first crush, it was back in grade 1. Her name was Melody, and she was my friend, and she was amazing... and even as I got older I still liked girls, and when I watched porn when I was younger it was all lesbians xD (Tmi? Tmi.) And about 6 months ago (When I thought I was still straight) I got out of school (personal reasons) and I decided it would be a good time for me to figure out who I am... AND BOY DID I LEARN STUFF! At one point, I was just thinking, why did my relationships never work... and I started thinking more in depth with it, and it clicked "I'm gay aren't I..." And I cried. I always questioned my sexuality... but I come from a Christian home. I was born into the church... and I was always told how gays were wrong and horrible sinners and are going straight to hell. I think I always knew I was gay.. but I didn't want to be, so I suppressed it. And I have dated a lot of guys... but none of them felt real, they all felt awkward, I never even kissed any of them. And when I figured out I was gay it finally all made sense... but I can't be gay in my home. My family would never accept me. I question my sexuality constantly . I can still be attracted to a guy and think "Wow, he's hot! " but it doesn't go past that. He can be my best friend and everything... but I don't want to date him, or have sex with him, or anything. When I look at a girl... there is just so much more. I have come out to some of my friends. Most of which said "Oh , we know." in which I replied "COULD HAVE TOLD ME!" I really wish I kissed the girl I had a crush on now... but nope. But of course there was one who didn't accept me... she looked at me and went "Whats wrong with you!? How can you be like that!? That's disgusting!" "Wait I-" "No! Go away! Don't touch me! " it hurt.. so much. She was a good friend and I knew she was kinda homophobic, because our friend Zack was gay, but I didn't think it was to that extent. I came out to my sister recently. We are close and me and her are no longer in the church... what happened was we went for a walk and I thought "This would be a good time to tell her" so the whole walk I talked about gays and their rights and such , to see her thoughts more in depth on them. She was fine. I kept thinking "Just say it. Just say it." and we were coming to our house and she began to unlock the door and go back into my Christian home with my anti gay family and I just blurted it out "I'm gay!" and she was shocked and she turned around and went "No your not. " I went straight to my room. About 10 minutes later , she came to my room, sat on my bed and was like "...so." and we talked about it. Like, the topic comes up alot . And about 2 weeks later we were waiting for a bus and she said "I hope this is a phase. Your going to have it so hard. You can't tell Dad or Mom, or our younger siblings... not yet anyway." and I was replied "I know. I'm scared." I can't really come out to my family... I tried to come out to my mom when about 4 times, and every time she thought I was joking. I guess it was for the best. I can't come out, and I want to. I want to have a girlfriend and bring her home. I want to be able to kiss her and not worry who might see. I want to be me. And I can't do that. At least not yet. And I always question if I am gay, but you know, writing this out kinda helped make me feel better... I understand who I am... it's just .. being who I am, in my household, in this world... it's hard and scary and I hope one day that being gay won't be so horrible in the eyes of so many people.
Hey I know what you're going through! I'm not out at all myself so I can't really give you advices.. But hey I'm from Quebec too (the province not the town)! You have a lot of courage for telling your sister, who has been raised in a Christian family! My sister isn't religious at all and she has many gay and lesbian friends but I don't have the courage to tell her! You already made a big step by telling her and some friends! There will be people that won't accept you, that will judge you.. but, here : ''Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.'' I wish you a lot of sunshine!
This may sound strange but as long as you are dependent on your parents for food, shelter and clothing I wouldn't come out to them. There are way to many young people that have been kicked out on the street when they told a parent that they were gay. I didn't say that to scare you. It just may be better to wait until you can pay your own bills and provide for yourself.
Oh, I know. I didn't intend on telling my parents till I was done college! So it's okay , I am glad you were honest with me. I had a friend who came out to his parents and they kicked him out. It's a scary thing, I am happy knowing that at least some people know. I'm being careful.
