Personally, I think I'm a fairly effeminate guy. I wear bright colors, often a lot of pink. I cross my legs when I sit. I have fully plucked eyebrows. I can't help but to stare at men and pay more attention to men. But it seems like the only way people can tell I'm gay is if I just randomly say "Hey! I'm gay!". No one asks if I'm gay. No one even asks if I have a girlfriend. My sexuality never just comes up in a conversation. I feel weird just blurting out "I'm gay". Last night, I was at the bar with my straight guy friend. We were ordering beers and he was like "go save those seats before someone takes them!" so I did and it turns out that those seats were right across from two girls that if I were straight, I probably would have been like "awesome!". So I was thinking "oh great, now it looks like I'm about to hit on these girls, crap." So long story short, the two girls started interrogating the two of us (If I were straight, I would call it flirting, but to me it felt like interrogation.) "Where are you from, what do you do, ect." It was so awkward! I was mostly just staying quiet and only giving one word answers and not asking anything about them. There were also a few moments where I accidentally made eye contact with one of the girls and it was one of those moments "Oh crap, we are making eye contact, now I have to give a polite smile. Now it looks like I'm flirting..." I hate it more than anything when girls flirt with me. But also sometimes men not knowing I'm gay is annoying. Take for example the same night at this bar. Right after those girls left, me and my friend started talking to some guy who was like "who were those honeys you were talking to?" and my friend was like "we just met them here, but this guy (referring to me) is a terrible wingman!" and I was like "yeah, it's true, I'm a terrible wingman" and this guy talking to us was like "it's alright, I've always been terrible with women too. You'll get there, it just takes practice." All I wanted to say (I didn't say it, because it would probably be awkward. And I know this sounds very arrogant, but...) "No, I like men. In fact, I'm actually very good at flirting with men. Honestly, I have never failed flirting with a gay guy. They always ask for my number. I've even gotten a straight guy's number once." But no, I didn't speak my mind, so I ended up not only being assumed straight, but an awkward nerd who's unsuccessful in the bedroom as well. Should I just start wearing a shirt that says "I'm Gay!"? Sometimes I just wish it was something that everyone just knew. I wish it wasn't something that I didn't have to explain or put effort into people knowing. But some people I don't want to put effort into them knowing, like based on stereotypes that person would probably hate me because I'm gay. I have a rainbow bracelet that I was thinking I should just start wearing all the time. It's like an inch wide and really bright and obviously a rainbow. Maybe that'll help out my confidence and help to avoid socially awkward situations. IDK, what is everyone's thoughts on this? It shouldn't matter if people know I'm gay, but at the same time, I hate it when they assume I'm straight. Any advice would be great
I think you should probably just do the bracelet. I actually get really sorry for people who aren't read as queer. One of my feminine bisexual girlfriends was complaining bitterly about this... What's nice about the bracelet is that the right people will know, so it's a good signifier. And that way, you don't have to say anything in a conversation where it's not appropriate. Sister Adrian
You seem comfortable with being gay, so why not just say "I'm gay though" to them? Some people don't judge people based on the stereotypes (and that's a good thing).
I think the bracelet idea sounds like a good one. It's kind of annoying when that happens. While I'm not out, I've never had to say "I'm straight" or anything like that in my entire life - because it's just what people assume. I've noticed people generally assume I'm homophobic, too (which is even worse) and even more complicated to deal with.
people also assume i'm straight, but i guess that's my fault. i wear jeans and black t shirts every day, and i don't really seem effeminate at all. and yes, it is very awkward when girls flirt on me.
Just take it as a compliment that girls are interested in you. That's what I've always done. In sophomore year in a bio lab I was teamed up with 3 girls as lab partners, the first day I met them as I walked away to pick up the supplies for our lab from the prof, I heard them giggling saying "he's cute", when I got back I felt very awkward and blushed, but unlike the girls at the bar, I was stuck with them for a whole semester as my lab partners. But I just took it as a compliment, and my strategy was to just to play it like I was completely aloof every time one of them tried to hint or suggest anything about going out or anything, it seemed like a competition to them, but I pretended I had no idea what was going on. Funny the girl who seemed most interested in me was this athletic soccer player who literally towered over me in terms of height. Depending on where you are, it can be really difficult to make it obvious that you are gay. Personally, I blame the metrosexuals and the hipsters. In parts of NYC, all bets are off as to whether the guy in tight pink leggings is gay (if it's me you'd win the bet, but plenty of straight guys wear pink too!). Even rainbows are not a guarantee.
