There's this new girl at my job ever since I first talked to her I can't really stop thinking of her. She's very pretty and extremly nice and I would like a friendship to grow but I think I'm starting to like her as more than just a friend and I'm not sure what to do now. I doubt she likes girls....I mean there has been times where I've been able to turn someone whose completly straight to be curious about a girl but this girl I'm not sure. I don't know if ill be able to make her curious or maybe more....please help I think I really like her and I'm not sure how to dea with it
Hi there!! Good to meet you (in an online kind of way)! In an ideal world we'd only fall for girls who were also bi/gay, or only fall for them after we knew they were at least up for being curious... although, unfortunately, I have been on the bandwagon of liking a straight girl, which isn't fun. It is a hazard that comes with the territory, unfortunately. I actually always assume that a girl is completely straight until I have concrete or pretty good proof otherwise. I have been there several times, so my main advice is that if she turns out to be completely straight, you will just have to wait the pain out. It sucks, but it's how it works. It sucks, it hurts, it's annoying, but it will go away It just might be a problem that you work together so you'll have to see her a lot. Plus you have the problem that if you try and make a move, they may not only completely freak out, but also out you to absolutely everyone. So a difficult one. One thing you can try and do is try and control how quickly you fall for her, until you know her sexuality. Although unfortunately, other than her just coming up to you and telling you, you often eventually figure this out after flirting with them, first subtly and so on (although I don't know why I'm saying this, as it sounds like you're a pro, getting girls to be curious! Wish I had that ability...), which again, if they latch on and are straight, might make them freak... I would do things like make eye contact and that kind of thing (this is what has been behind every single one of my correct gaydar hits), and if she seems to respond, then she may be bi or gay, and get a bit less discreet... although, to be honest, this only works if she knows she's not straight (if you know what I mean!!), and what people do when they're straight but curious I have no idea! But whenever I have felt the first signs of being attracted to a girl who might be straight, I really try and control it - because usually I end up being crushed when the word "boyfriend" comes up. But if she is straight, as you think she is, you just really have to try and distract yourself from her, and try and nip it in the bud. That said, we can't help who we like, so you may just have to bear with it. I've been there several times, and it's really, really horrible. Unrequited crushes/love/feelings completely suck, but you'd get through. But if you're certain she's straight, I would try and distract yourself (somehow), and don't encourage yourself (again, somehow). But I wish you luck!!
CCDD Has given you great advise! Falling for straight people has always been the biggest dilemma in the gay/bi society and it's one that will never go away. Everyone is attracted to different aspects in a person and unfortunately for us, their orientation never seems to be one (to start with). You can never be sure on a person's orientation until THEY tell you, making assumptions and going of guessed and rumors can get you into serious trouble. I understand just how hard it is, falling for the new kid at school and hoping that their gay/bi; I think that us gay/bi students often fall for the new kid because we know that our surrounding students don't swing our way already. But as CCDD said, try and control how fast you fall for her! If you want to make it work, try and build a strong, truthful and stable friendship built on trust, communication and experience. From there you can take it to the next step if you feel that you still need more from her. Just remember don't try and pressure/convince her to be anything she's not, she may well become curious you two could hit it off sexually but after a homosexual sexual experience, she might realize it's not for her. Don't take it personally! Good luck!
thaks a lot to both of you it really helps and i guess i'll never know until i hear it from her i wouldnt ask though and yes ive also been crushed before by similar situations and i guess being crushed once more wont make a huge difference so i'll try to see what happen i like the making a strong frienship that can almost always work out =D thanx
Thats the right attitude, kind of. It's best to not even fantasize about another person unless you KNOW their bi/gay/les. You may think that just a bit of perving is harmless but it can lead to a lot of things that will make your friendship awkward and ultimately get you heartbroken. Perving -> sexual fantasy -> those fantasies lead to happily ever after fantasies -> adoration/infatuation -> crushing -> love -> finding out their straight and getting your heart broken. It is worth the risk?
