I've been slowly coming out to people, and it has felt really good. If something sexuality-related comes up in conversation, I do take the opportunity to come out, and usually with great response. At first, it was one by one, then a week or two ago, I came out to three people on the same night, and I was jubilant. Today, I was playing Truth or Dare with a bunch of girls, some whom I'm out to, most who have no idea, and I ended up saying that I didn't think any guys were hot, to which I got asked if I thought girls were hot. And I answed with an honest 'yes'. The girl who had asked me wondered aloud if I was going to start hitting on here but other than that, not one girl believed me. In fact, a few were assuring others that I was joking. I told them that I wasn't kidding, but it was really uncomfortable. Even though the closet is itchy and dark, the disbelief and awkwardness was almost worse. Of course, my go-to friend has advised me on multiple occasions to not come out, that I'll regret it, and while I've brushed these comments off, knowing how much better I feel when I'm around people who know I'm gay, it made me feel like she has a point. My school, for the most part, is really accepting, and I really couldn't care less about the people who wouldn't be okay with it- I'm already really alienated from people because of my academics. The mantra for my previous coming outs was 'uncomfortable but not painful', but this was super awkward and hurt, and I'm not exactly sure why. Still, at least it's summer and I won't be seeing any of them for the next few months. Also- while I'm a femme, I wear rainbow jewelry and on the international day against homophobia, I wore a homemade rainbow around my waist to school. Is there a way to have people believe me when I tell them that I'm a lesbian? Thanks for reading!
If there's a way to get people to believe you, I haven't found it yet. Welcome to Femme Invisibility:bang: People get so caught up in stupid stereotypes that dealing with real, varied and complex human beings confuses them. Not being seen, heard and believed HURTS. I'm not sure why it hurts so damned much, but I know that it does. The best advice I can give you is to try to ignore them and just go on living your life, someday they'll look back and feel stupid for doubting you. Don't let their ignorance keep you from coming out. If you think about it, it can be a really great screening tool for people. Anyone that doesn't believe you isn't worthy of your friendship. (*hug*)
Well, ignoring them is an option. Though in cases like this, I'm also a believer in second chances. Yeah, it's hurtful when people don't believe you. When you just spent a lot of time in questioning and doubting, in worrying about what other people might think, and finally found the courage to come out, having all of that brushed aside is pretty disheartening. On the other hand, most people never get any kind of training for "what to do when a friend comes out" either. And for some (a lot, even), the first response when faced with the utterly unexpected is "That didn't just happen". Insensitive, but look at it as a temporary computer crash in their brains. So that's where the second chance comes in. They might not have been immediately believing, but with time they might yet adjust. So treat it as if they all know now, and act accordingly. Act as if they all were accepting, and express yourself freely. When they see that this is real over a prolonged period of time, many of them might just come around after all.
