Alright, so as some of you may or may not know, I had posted a thread in the Sexual Orientation forum stating that it's been really hard learning to accept what I really am. The problem I am having is that now that I have a pretty decent idea on who I am, I need to figure out a way to let others around me know because the closet is one place I definitely cannot be in anymore. The problem I'm facing right now is a huge one in my opinion. I need to come out to my parents. I know 'Have' isn't exactly the word that should be used, but in my head, it feels like I need to let them know to prevent me from causing an explosion in my head. My parents were never really homophobic or anything but there have been a couple times where I have shown some rather... sexual traits that brought question to my parents. Although I would brush them off with the occasional "Really mom? Please" she would usually respond with something along the lines of "You know, if you are gay, you can tell me.. It wouldn't make me love you less" But she would always put a joke spin on it as if she was being sarcastic to me. And whenever it was brought up with my father, he would usually sound depressed talking about it and he was always questionable when he saw gay people on TV saying things like "I'd beat that faggots ass if he came up to me with that attitude" (The flamboyant ones that is). My brother is still too young to understand what exactly gay really means, let alone bisexual (He's 7) and my sister seems like an open minded type of person that never really cared about homosexuality or bisexuality and in fact has had many gay friends in her past (21). The thing is, I want to have kids and I want to lead a family and I do NOT wish to adopt. I want my OWN kids that come from me. But I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt that if I share this information with my parents, that they will never look at me the same again. I feel like they would think that I would never give them grandchildren or something like that, but the thing is that I AM bisexual and have always felt the urge for both sexes but I can't just leave one out. I want to break it to them as easily as possible, but I don't feel that they would just accept me as bisexual. I think they would classify me as one or the other, and that is most likely going to be full on gay. I really need help on this.
I'm in a similar situation and I wish I could just tell my parents and that they would except me but that wouldn't be the case for my dad I'd be homeless if I told him now but I can't stay in this damn closet anymore. Anyway if I were you I'd tell them then explain that you like both genders you could still have kids even if you were gay and well that's all I got hope I helped a little
I really don't think he can just throw you out on the street without getting some type of fine or jailtime or something. Why? Is he really that much of a homophobic?
ScatteredEarth: Your parents already know. They may not consciously acknowledge it, but they already know... moms generally always know anyway, and your mom wouldn't make comments like "It's OK and you can tell me' if she didn't strongly suspect. She's tugging on the closet door, and she almost certainly sees through your non-denial-denials. Your dad also knows, and his homophobic comments are his (possibly unconscious) way of desperately trying to have it not be true. So they'll deal with it. It might be a little rough with your dad for a short time, but he'll be fine with it eventually, and it won't change their opinion of, or love for, you. Honestly, the sooner you just walk into the fear and deal with it, the better off you'll be and the better off everyone will be with the elephant out of the room. Mattjm: Your dad can't legally toss you out. If he does, CPS will come after him and ensure that your living situation is safe, whether it's with your mom and dad, or another relative, or someone else who cares. Our staff social worker BlairSW spent his last three years of high school living in a wonderful group home because his homophobic mother couldn't deal with him... and it ended up being the best experience of his adolescence. So the option is there to come out, and we can help by preparing you with resources for CPS and so forth if you decide to come out. But you'll have to decide whether it's worth the possible hassles that could ensure.
Thank you, Chip.. I'm still a bit concerned as to the fact however.. I just don't know how I would bring it up. I don't want to just walk into the living room and say hey, I like men and women, love me..
Wellll... for most people, the best route is to write something down in advance. There are lots of samples of what others have written in the "coming out stories" section to borrow from. Some people read the letter to their parents, some sit down with them and have them read it while they're there, other leave it for them somewhere obvious and then go to work/school/etc. And some send emails or texts. My favorite (true) story is a guy who, in high school, left a post-it on the refrigerator, "Hi, mom, gone out to play basketball, back at 6pm. PS: I'm gay." Basically, it doesn't matter so much *how* you do it, the important thing is to just get over the hump and get it out there so it isn't bothering everyone.
About him throwing me out I don't think he'd literally do it but I think he would stop acknowledging my existence so it'd be as if I'm not even there
i find that people are somewhat tolerant to gays but when someone says theyre bi the world automatically assumes that they must be some whore who wants to screw everyone they see... especially bi guys. Also don't like how theres more homophobia toward guys when lesbians and bi girls are considered hot by most people. I would try to explain to them that you can be attracted to a girl or a guy it just matters which is attractive to you. sorry if this doesn't make sense its kinda hard to explain I thought i was bi a while ago and my mom thought I was a slut and flipped out on me and wouldn't let me sleep at girls houses so I have some experience with peoples stupidity
There have been plenty of times where I could have just flat out said I was bisexual today.. But every time I go to open my mouth.. It's like my mind shuts it for me and I end up looking at the TV with a concerned face almost as if my body is trying to give them the hint that something is wrong for them to ask me.
I know I have to tell them, so I decided to bite the bullet and tell them this weekend. I just need to know the right words to say and it's really eating me alive.
Ugh, I don't know if I can do this. I literally get chance after chance to tell them and whenever the words begin to form, I take in a deep breath and swallow them. And everytime I do that I get a cold shiver down my body and I think it's the guilt I currently face, but I just can't form the words. There needs to be some way to do this easier without the need for letters and what not.
