I'm 19 years old and I've finally accepted the fact that I'm gay I've been in a deep depression for 6 months, knowing who I really am, but just too weak to admit it to myself. I actually just wanted to end it all, but even the idea of motivating myself to take action exhausted me. I've been attracted to men since I hit puberty and a little bit before. I have had a few short relationships with women, simply to make me feel like "one of the guys" and well, because I can. But I had absolutely no attraction to the girls I was dating, and they seemed to notice this. Later, I began to blame myself for not loving girls and tried to force myself by watching porn and having sexual relationships. I thought that i could make myself bisexual. But deep down, I knew that none of these things gave me pleasure. I slid into intense depression at 15 as the truth was beginning to dawn on me. Although I despised the idea of being gay, I was also afraid of the bullying I'd face. I had already learned my lesson after I got caught staring at a guy after swimming and got beaten up for it. As I surfaced from the depression, I seeked refuge in my best friend. We've been buddies forever and I was beginning to fall for him (see my other thread about that on my profile) But I was also getting unwanted attention from girls ( also have a thread about that) and I realised that the only possible way to make all my troubles end is to come out as gay. I'll be working on this over the week so I'll be recording my progress! Thank you so much for reading, and I'd really appreciate some advice on who to start with. Thanks again EC :icon_bigg
First off let me start off with congrats on accepting yourself for being gay! That's one of the biggest steps! Now all I can say about the coming out part is just do it how you want and as fast or slow as you want. Start off coming out to someone you feel will love you forever someone that you know doesn't have a problem with gay people. It might seem difficult to come out to people at first but once you come out to 1 person it gets easier just try to get a good person that will support you for your first person you come out to! Also just try and find the right opportunities to come out (such as if sexuality comes up). If the opportunity is good take it, if sexuality comes up and you trust the person who is talking about it just come out! Other then those things I said I have no clue on how homophobic your family/friends are and I hope they aren't! The depression part I've been there before and I am just the same as you suicide was on my mind but the thought of it just seemed to difficult. Coming out to a few people has actually helped me feel happier and more myself! It feels great talking to someone you came out to because you know they know your gay and you can be yourself even more! I hope you have a good journey and everything is smooth sailing from here, I know that my experience with coming out is really limited, but if u ever need someone to talk to just hit me up and I will try and give you my best advise! Again good luck your in my thoughts! ~Zack~
