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Not to put up a shocking title or anything, but.......Rape?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Brett, Apr 21, 2008.

  1. Brett

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    Well this is kind of a weird question.....but I was wondering if I was technically raped.....

    So here's the story:
    I was at my friend's house and it was like 1 in the morning. I was kinda tired and out of it, and he asked if I wanted to go "mess around".
    Well, I am NOT in any way attracted to this guy, but I was tired and horny and wanted go go to sleep. So, anyways, he drags me into the garage and just.....starts......but I've never exactly done anything like this before, and it kinda hurt. And even though he was a virgin too.....I really don't want to catch anything, so I told him to stop. He just ignored me. So, I said it again, and he said to give him another minute, but I wanted just to stop. I eventually managed to stand up and walk off, but I didn't enjoy a second of what happened, and I just felt all sick the next day.
    So....yeah....I was just wondering about that.......any insight would be highly appreciated!
     
  2. Wired106

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    Umm ya that's rape lol. Sorta awkward but if someone does something without your permission for 25 seconds + then its considered rape. That's what I heard from my older brother at least.
     
  3. CrimsonThunder

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    I don't know about the 25 second rule =/ But if you say no and it continues yes it is.
     
  4. Zūn Jìng

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    Brett, I'm so sorry to hear what happened:frowning2:. First off if he is your friend and you say stop he should. In fact anyone should stop if you say so. In response to your question yes, it would count as rape.
     
  5. Vampyrecat

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    Put it this way, at the very least, that's statutory rape. You're underage, 14 for chrissake!

    If you say No, and he keeps going, then its not just statutory rape, but its plain rape. Anything without your consent which involves penetration of any kind is rape.

    If he was your friend and he did this to you, I think you should find some other friends. Friends don't hurt each other or take advantage of each other like that.

    I'm here for you if you want to talk about it. I really really recommend you go and see a counsellor, because it can be more traumatic then you think, and you may feel allright now, but you might not feel so good later. Please talk to someone about it.

    And if your worried about getting your friend in trouble, then here's a tip if you're talking to someone.
    A counsellor legally MUST report a rape if one of their patients says they've been raped and they're underage. However If you say that it's not you that the rape happened to, but your imaginary friend X, then they can't report it because they don't know who it is.

    I really hope this helps and I really hope you go see someone about this.
    Please PM me any time if you want to talk about it or need any help or hugs. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Louise

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    Yes you were raped, maybe you were up for a bit of making out at the start but from the moment you say stop and the other person carries on it is rape whatever age or sex you are. This is your body and you have been violated.

    Can you talk to your parents about this? Trying to pretend it never happened and dealing with it by yourself is not necessarily the best thing to do, even if you find it easiest at the moment. There is the possibility of both physical and psychological damage. The psychological being possibly more long term... unless of course he was unprotected.

    If you can I would strongly advise you to talk to your parents... you are not very specific if you are out to them or not.
     
  7. Brett

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    Well that's what I was afraid of......*sigh*
    Someone mentioned that I was looking for some making out, and that's exactly what I was looking for......he was being so romantic and flirty that night.....but as soon as he got where noone could see us, he just turned me around and tried to pull my pamts down......he didn't even talk......I should've just quit then and there, but I was so tired I guess.......
    It was also mentioned that I shold talk to my parents, and no, I'm not out to my Dad, and my Mom's in denial. I really want to just get away from this guy, but he won't leave me alone at school........IDK what to do anymore.
     
  8. SkyTears

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    I'm not sure about your school but ours if you go up to the administration and give them a somewhat good reason they will tell the person to stay clear of you and if they don't then they take action to it. then again that is my school so I don't know if yours would do that.
     
  9. Ryesright

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    Yeah. You were raped. Rape is any form of forced or unwanted sexual intercourse.

    I was a victim of sexual assault, by a guy, two years ago in an incident that involved an unsafe sexual act, by which I mean that no condoms were used. I never dealt with the situation when I should have. As a result, just a few months ago I had a severe emotional breakdown. For almost a week I dropped into the most severe depression of my life. I still can't exactly pin point why, it might have to do with the fact that I decided to start coming out - but what scared me the most all of a sudden was that I might have contracted an STD from the incident, and could have passed it onto others. I didn't think I could live with myself if I did. I got a drug test for HIV, and the results came back negative. After that things improved greatly and I was able to better deal with the situation that happened to me.

    What I'm trying to say, is that if this thing is bothering you, even in the slightest, then I recommend speaking to someone about it. Speaking to someone does help. Additionally, since you mentioned that you were worried you'd "get something," despite the fact that you claim your friend is a virgin - you can still contract unhealthy diseases/infections as a result of unprotected anal sex. This should be considered as well.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you.
     
  10. RENThead

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    you said no.

    even if you wanted it at first, then decided you didnt and said no. if he kept going than it is rape.

    if you are comfortable to talk about it (and i know how hard it is - so when you are ready) tell someone and get some punnishment for him. if he could do this to a friend then he could do it again.
     
  11. TriBi

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    Everyone else is right.

    Even if you don't want to take that issue any further - you should most certainly make it clear that you want nothing further to do with him...and if he queries why, then maybe you should mention to him that, in legal terms, what he did to you before was rape.

    That, if nothing else, should make him shy away from any further contact...
     
  12. Ryesright

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    Oh one more thing :slight_smile:

    It sounds like you're indecisive about how this was allowed to happen. You wanted to make out, and then when he turned you around and pulled down your pants, you're saying you were too tired to oppose the action.

    Just don't forget the fact that even if, on some level, you may have wanted something along these lines to happen - a hook up of sorts. Perhaps you even considered in your tired state..."Fine, I won't fight this..." or..."Maybe I'll give this a try." But the bottom line is that, whether or not you were okay with it initially, the moment you decided this was a bad idea, and said for it to stop. It should have stopped.

    What I'm trying to say is that this wasn't your fault, and that you don't need to justify the situation. The hook line and sinker is that when he had sex with you, you wanted it to stop and it didn't. You have a right to control what you do to your body. This friend of yours took that right away from you. That's the bottom line. So don't fret about trying to think how this stuff occurred - He had sex with you, and you didn't want it. The be all and end all of this story.
     
  13. Louise

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    Do you have the possibility of seeing a councelor at school? Your mum might be in denial but I bet she would support you if she knew that someone had forced themselves on you... even if you were willing at the begining. Just the fact of telling your mum that someone forced you into doing something you didn't want to (you don't have to go into details if it embarasses you) will help you get it off your chest and help you share the burden.

    This must not become a dirty little secret that you should be ashamed of and that you carry alone. Too many people have already tried that and it just doesn't work sooner or later it will catch up on you. You need to deal with this now. You did nothing wrong, you are just a guy looking for a bit of fun and making out, that is still a long way from unconsentual penetrative sex.

    We can all look back with hindsight and say 'I could have...' but at that moment in that position sometimes things aren't so cut and dried.

    As for this guy not leaving you alone at school you need to be very clear with him. Get him on his own, tell him that you didn't want penetrative sex with him, that he forced himself on you and that unless he leaves you alone you are going to tell someone about it. Then if he doesn't leave you alone you will need to talk to one of the teachers you trust and get on with. This could be in general terms, not specifics, that this boy is bothering you in a sexual way that you don't reciprocate.

    Pleas, try to talk to someone.