Alright guys, thanks so much for your help so far. I decided to come out to my dad in letter form sometime within the next month. Maybe after this weekend. I wrote up a draft, and was hoping for some thought about what you guys think about it before I give it to him. Thanks for the help! Hi Dad, I know you have said you’d love me no matter what and I’ll always be your little girl. I truly believe this, but I am still scared to tell you what I feel inside. I am scared because of all the thoughts and attitudes you have shared with me about gay and lesbian people over the last few years. I know your love is unconditional, but I still don’t understand this fear or dislike you have for these people, and that is what makes me so scared that you will not accept me. However, I am writing this to you anyway because I need to share this with you, I want to be completely honest with you when we talk. I want our relationship to strengthen and for us to be able to have a deeper and enhanced connection. I want to have your love and support. And I need to get this off my chest so I can grow and expand as a person. I am lesbian. I did not choose to be lesbian, if I could choose, I would wish to be the princess who will marry a prince, just like every fairy tale I heard as a kid. Just like every person expected me to be. But, no matter how hard I try and how hard I wish I could meet these expectations and be what everybody has told me I would be, I just cannot. Finding my prince and marrying him would be a lie. It would be a lie to him, and a lie to myself. I would not be happy with a man, no matter how hard I wish otherwise, and I really have wished otherwise for a long time. I am not attracted to guys, I tried really hard to be for the past 21 years, but now I realize that I will never, truly have any attraction or want any relationship with them. I want to find my happily ever after with another princess. That is what I honestly, truly want for my life. I want to walk down the aisle to her smiling, beautiful face, and someday have some beautiful kids to go along with the happy family. And I’d like you to someday be the one to walk me down the aisle to her, and be the happy, wonderful grandfather I’ve always known you will be. Being with a woman is what will make me the happiest, and isn’t that what we all want? For everybody just to be happy? I just want to emphasize that I am still the same girl you have always loved. I am the same smart, funny, college girl you raised. You should be proud, [brother] and I turned out well, and it’s all because of your and mom’s amazing parenting. Nothing about me is any different than it was yesterday; except for I have accepted the truth and decided to share that truth with you. I decided to tell you in a letter so that you could have time to absorb this information in your own time. I know sometimes you need time to reflect on information before you can react, and I want to give you the time you need to do so. Let me know when you are ready to talk, you can call me and we can discuss this. I hope you can accept me and continue to love me in the same way you did before. I was very, very scared to write this to you, but I decided that honesty is the best route for our relationship and trust you to continue to love me. I would really like your support in this. If you can wait to tell the rest of the family that would be really nice, I feel that Uncle [name] and Aunt [name] deserve to hear this from me and not second hand. I’m also not ready to be treated differently by the rest of the family. However, if you need to talk to someone about this, that is ok, I understand. This is a large amount of information to absorb, and talking through it with someone can help. It is your decision if you want to tell people, they are your family, just let me know what you choose to do so I can prepare for reactions from less accepting members of the family. I would like to reiterate that I am the same exact girl I was before you knew this, I just happen to see a future with a girl and not a boy. I still love you very, very much. Love, [my name]
That's a great letter! It's well thought out, sincere, honest, loving and I could go on. Your dad will probably do a double take after the second paragraph. We really can't control if someone outs us to other family members. All we can do is ask them not to do it. I hope he reacts well when he reads your letter. Best Wishes! :icon_bigg
Hello Riahf- I love your letter. You express your love for your father so well. And you acknowledge that he has some issues with homosexuality, but you do so in a way that is respectful and makes it about you and not him. Well done. Kind and sincere. I'm guessing his eyes are going to jump to that third paragraph. Being a lone sentence, it stands out, as I'm sure you know. That's what happened when I read it. But that's OK. He can read that and then read all of the kind stuff around it. And I like how you honor his need to absorb information before talking about it. Great job. Let us know how he responds. --Zoe
Thanks everyone! I'm so nervous even just thinking about giving it to him, but it needs to be done... You guys really helped me feel less nervous.
