Hey everyone, So I made a coming out letter draft for my best friend. At this point its just a therapeutic exercise to get my thoughts out on paper I guess and its probably just gunna sit on my hard drive for a while until I can manage to grow a pair... lol but I figured I would see what you guys think. Your feedback on this stuff is always good =) I am not really sure how to start this... I have never done this before. A few weeks ago at that hookah bar in NAME you told me that if I ever needed to talk to you about something, anything at all, I could. I don't even know if you remember, it was awhile ago and you were shitfaced but that struck a really tough chord for me. I do need to talk to you about something and well, I have tried to tell you a few times in the past and just couldn't get the words out. It's just so hard for me to talk about this with anyone and because of that, I never have. That's why I am writing you this letter. I figure I can get all my thoughts out in an organized way and you can read this over a few times and think about everything before I hear back from you. I don't think I would ever be able to tell you in person because I am so uncomfortable about it and scared that you will never want to talk to me again. And that certainly is in NO way your fault. You have done nothing that would make would make me feel uncomfortable talking to you... It's not just you, so don't feel that's the case, I feel this way about everyone in regards to what I am going to tell you. I am sorry your getting this in a letter, If I could tell you in person I would. I know you think I have everything figured out and you respect me for that because I've always seem to have a plan and I have a good job and all that stuff but the truth is I don't have everything figured out. Not by a long shot. I've been really depressed for a long time NAME. Since before high school, and I just put on a fake smile every day and bottle everything up and try to keep myself as busy as I can so I don't think about it. It doesn't always work though... I break down all the time when I'm alone. I can't tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep or beaten myself up mentally when I get drunk. That's why I never really get drunk when we go out. But I just can't do it anymore. I guess this is the time I actually tell you what the hell this letter is about. I'm just continually typing about everything I can think of trying to avoid this next part. I feel sick to my stomach typing this even though at this point this is just a draft hidden away on my computer and I probably will never grow the balls to actually give this to you. If you are reading this I hope you understand how huge this is for me... If I was handwriting this it would be covered in tear stains. So the point is finally after 2 full paragraphs of you not knowing what this is about is this, I have been struggling with myself my whole life about who I am. The truth is that I am most likely gay. I don't know why I just can't type down a definite "yes I am this" I just can't. I guess I feel really uncomfortable labeling myself as a definite something that society hates. Maybe I just want to not make a commitment so I can get out of this later and crawl back in the closet... I don't really know. At the very least I am not straight. Maybe I am gay or maybe I am bi with a strong tendency to guys... either way it's the same point as far as this letter is concerned. I know this might come as a surprise to you, or maybe it doesn't. I mean I'm 23 and in the six years we have been best friends I have never really had a girl friend, had sex, or even really talked about girls ever. Regardless, if it takes you awhile to be ok with what I just told you I understand. It took me 23 years and I am still not... I hate myself... I want nothing more than to be normal but I'm not and I know that. Despite that though, deep down I really hope this won't be an issue and you will accept me for who I am no problem. But congrats NAME you're the first and only person I have ever told. I hope this shows you how much you mean to me. I am writing this though because I need help NAME. I'm falling apart and I just can't do it alone anymore. I can't handle the depression, the isolation, the loneliness... I just can't do it anymore. I'm so scared that anyone I tell will reject me and never talk to me again whether it be friends, family, coworkers... I know my parents would never accept me. But I guess I do not know what I am more afraid of, being alone because no one will accept me for who I am or being alone because I spend my whole life in the closet. At least if I tell people it gives me a chance to be happy... It doesn't make this any easier though. I know it's not fair to put this on you. I don't even know for sure if you will accept me or not and here I am begging for your help. But there it is NAME... Your my best friend. I am still the same NAME . you have known for the last 6 years. It's not like I am going to start walking around in assless chaps and a neck scarf and start talking with a lisp now that you know. Nothing has changed about me, your just learning something new. That's one of the things that makes this so confusing and hard for me. Aside from not really having any sexual attraction to girls I identify myself as straight. How I act, my hobbies, my mannerisms, how I dress ect I identify as straight and that's what I am attracted to. I'm not into the feminine stereotypical queens that one would first think of with hearing someone is gay nor will I ever become this. It makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere though... I don't fit in with my straight friends because hooking up with girls is such a huge part of what you're supposed to be doing every weekend and I don't feel like I belong in the gay crowd either because I am still just a "normal" guy. No matter how you feel about this I am really trusting you in that you won't show this to anyone or tell anyone. I won't lie, if you decide you don't want to be friends anymore I will be devastated but I can't blame you... Just please let me know one way or the other. Don't leave me hanging. With that said I imagine if I somehow manage to give this to you instead of just having this sit on my computer forever I will be so nervous and scared I won't answer my phone if you call. So text me I guess or leave a voicemail. If I don't pick up please don't take that the wrong way I just don't know what I will do or how I will handle my anxiety.
Okay Anomander this is a big step. I think you should give him the letter as soon as possible. It will help a lot. It sure did for me. I first told a friend through a note since I couldn't even speak of it, but once I did it was the best feeling ever. I felt free. I think the letter is good and says everything that is needed. It's really personal and I think it would ne hard for him to not accept you the way you put in the letter. If he really is your best friend this wont make a difference to him. You need to give him the letter soon trust me it will help you. Just take the letter with you one day and tell him you have something to give to him later. Once he asks what you need to give to him hand it to him and leave. I wish you luck and I know everything will go great.
Beautifully written, well thought out and organized. I wrote out a long text and it took me a while to send it, but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Trust me. Good luck and try not to wait to long, now that it's written you'll beat yourself up over it wondering what will happen. If you're going to eventually give it to him, might as well sack up and do it sooner than later. I sincerely hope it goes well for you! Let us know how it goes, I'm sure you'll be just fine
That sounds good! Now, you need to find the courage to give this to your friend. You can't go on living the way you feel as you describe in your letter, it will make you feel better. Like Vegas Boy said, if he really is your best friend, he'll accept you, regardless if he agrees with the gay lifestyle or not. You're really brave for doing this and I wish you the best of luck. Tell us how everything turns out, even though we're strangers... everyone here at EC are here to have your back
that's a really great letter, you managed to say your point really well. i hope you manage to give it to him soon and that he is accepting. when i come out i think i would like to do it like that in a letter and yours helps give me inspiration.
Wow, this is really well written. I have to say I identify with a lot of the feelings you mention in this letter. There is something really powerful in writing a letter that just lays it all out on the line. I came out to my best friend in a letter and have been drafting another for other friends because I felt like if I told anyone in person I would get really awkward and avoid saying the whole truth. Good luck!
I'm sorry for being so nitpicky about you're any your, I think I fixed every error with respect to that usage (it's in bold). I see no further errors. I like this letter very much. I liked that you recalled a past experience to bring him up to speed on the situation. I liked how you expressed how you felt that night when you wanted to tell him/her. AHHHHH!! I love everything about your letter!!!!! Hope all goes well!!!!! (*hug*) (*hug*)
Just for everyone who, like me, read this thread and didn't realize the opening post was a month old, here's the continuation: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/99371-i-did.html
