rant about coming out and homophobia :(

Well if it makes you feel any better alot of people have been in your same shoes. On the very same day when voters banned same sex marriage in Oregon, two of my sons classmates were talking about marrying their dogs. No kidding. He just blew up at them and told them he was a living human being and could not marry the person he loved and here they were talking about marrying their dogs in front of him. Sometimes you just got to say something to get these people to shut up!

 

I'm sorry for your situation, interstella (*hug*) But not everyone is like this. It can seem that the whole world is like that, but they're not all. Is there some LGBT youth group you could go to? I'm sure there's something, seeing as you live in London. Maybe there you could meet some people who'd restore your confidence in the tolerance of humans.

And about that music lesson, well, I feel for you, man. Every LGBT person has those horrible situations where people make homophobic/transphobic jokes or comments and you just have to sit there. It happened to me just today. I suppose all you can say is, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Also remember that, in school, everyone tries to fit in and there may have been other people there that were as uncomfortable as you are, but, like you, didn't make those feelings public. In fact, there were almost certainly people who were uncomfortable with it.

When you come out, you will probably encounter more of these jerks and halfwits and cowards. But you will also encounter many good, thoughtful, like-minded, fun people. And you'll find a bf one day, everyone does. I know it seems impossible, it always does, (see my recent thread about never having a gf for moans about that) but you just have to be patient and strong. (*hug*)

 

I fucking agree. This is a fucking heterosexist world. Well, they did came to this world before us, but that doesnt mean they own it. We should like make a new reality where everyone is gay or is open-minded. I really hate it when straight people think they are better than homosexuals.

 

Because they're in the distinct majority, would be my guess.

Lex

 

Hang on a bit guys! 90 - 94 % of the population (according to statistics) are straight so I think it is quite fair for people to assume that you are straight will get married, have kids etc because that is what MOST people do. Unless you are out to everyone or have GAY tatooed on your forehead, how are people supposed to know!

I'm not saying that people are right to make homophobic jokes, not at all but this is often out of lack of sensitivity than nastyness. Religious appartenance is not obvious either and it is easy to offend someone by telling a joke about Jews or Muslims etc. Saying racist comments is truely offensive because you can clearly see if there is someone of a different ethnic culture near you.

Again I am not trying to defend insensitive people, what I am saying is try not to take offence where none was intended, try to put it down to lack of education and ignorance. School children snikering over someone saying something is gay is just Soooo immature, like someone saying tits, or willy and everyone disolving in embarassed giggles. That the teacher should laugh too shows a lack of maturity on his part but nothing in what you said suggested hostility, more embarassement and silly girly giggling!

 

plenty of people were gay julius caesar, alexander the great and many other famous people, most straight people just dont acknowledge it, gay people have been here just as long as straight people

 

And perhaps because far too many of us aren't out of the closet and aren't insisting that we be treated equally to our straight counterparts.

 

Plus, there's the natural feeling that because *i* feel a certain way, that everybody else feels the same way, too.

I'm not a huge chocolate fan. I like it OK, but that's it. But you can imagine how many people say "Oh my God! How can you NOT love chocolate?" Why? Because THEY love chocolate, of course. So, naturally, EVERYBODY does. The thing is - not everybody does.

And I'm sure you've heard a song, absolutely loved it...and then found out that none of your friends think it's anything much. And you think, "How can they NOT love this song?" Well, because we're different people is how come.

Lex

 

I really feel for your situation BUT it's not all bad, there are places in the world that are almost pro gay.

I recently visited a school in North/East Sydney on behalf of my school and i AMAZED by how many openly homosexual guys there were. Literally 2-3 out of every 10, i saw MORE couples of guys making out then i did heterosexual couples (prolly cos the gay guys are generally quicker to find someone and start... being physical with them).

I was just like; I WANA COME TO THIS SCHOOL!

 

Sorry to hear you feel like that. At your age, your peers still have a lot of growing up to do and you'll notice the difference in acceptance as you get older. In the meantime, you have to accept that not everbody is against gays. On the contrary, nowadays gays and lesbians are more accepted (I know this doesn't make it easier to come out). Hang in there, be strong and you'll get there.

As for your friend, sus out what he really thinks about gays. Was he just talking to you or showing off in front of others? Nine times out of ten, best friends are the most accepting inspite of what they may have said previously. At the end of the day, if he doesn't accept you for who you are and not what you are, then is he really your best friend? I know it's a difficult one to call especially if he's been your mate for years. But, sadly, it happens. But don't presume he's against you just because of what he said. You could consider telling him you're gay but only when you're ready.

Good luck.

 

OKAY, calm down!

I don't know if i can say anything to you that will make you feel better BUT if you friends aren't going to accept you for who you are you need to find REAL friends. It's really hard when you best friend whom you have has years of experience with is someone you have to put behind you but think about it, pretend to be someone you not, live a lie and hide yourself to people that don't like YOU; all that just to have your cover accidently blown while drunk one night or doing something stupid.

I know this sounds really full on and most people won't agree but i would NEVER say something this extreme UNLESS the person (like interstella) is already in the process of coming out.

Alternative:
Move on from those 'friends' to people that will accept, support and love you regardless of petty things like your orientation.


All that said i still think you need to talk to your friends and tell them! You will be suprised at how different they are when not surrounded by peer's and when they realize they actually KNOW and a gay guy and realize there not this unnatural vile freak of nature thing they make homosexuals out to be. Talk to them one at a time, explain your situation and take it from there.

I'm such a hypocritical, self contradicting doomsayer at nearly 3am

 

majority of the world's population is hetero, so that is why people assume one is hetero, i know that is insulting, but eventually, peopple would stop directing things to a hetero, like when they stopped hitting ads to the males, it will take some time for it to even out. im not sure you understood what i mean, but thats the thought of it.

 

Call him on it.

I've never been in a position to really argue the point, but my (straight) brother was. One of my brother's roommates was violently homophobic. And my brother, in the middle of a crowded restaurant, called him out on it. Loudly. "Joe, so some guys like guys. Big freaking deal. Why are you so touchy about it? It's not like they're hitting on you or anything." The argument went on until my brother finally said, "Joe, what if *I* was gay?" Joe could only say, "But you're not." To which my brother kept pressing, "Right, but what if I WAS?" He finally summed up by saying, "Who and what I do in my bedroom doesn't have any bearing on you and me. And that's the way it should be with everybody."

Lex

 

Thanks. But I still think you should talk to him about it. He's your best mate. It's what best mates do - talk about the most personal of things. As Gumtree said above, you need to do this to see if he really is your friend. Go for it...

 

Time to make a reality show called Project New Bestfriend

 

I can understand how frustrating that might be but on the positive side You wont always be surrounded by such ignorant people. Colleges and cities are filled with a lot more diversity and more openminded people.