Hello, there I've been driving at a modedrate pace on the road to 'outness' recently. About half of my friends know, and I'm trying to find the right time to come out to them. But generally, things are pretty good on the friends front. What I need now is help for my parents. They are both quite liberal and will most likely be fine with it. There are two gay couples at my church, and we're good friends with both. It's a great home to be in However, I never talk about anything related to sexuality/romance/'boys' with my parents, and they generally stay out of my business, so there isn't going to be a good opportunity to slip it in. However, I am hesitant to write a letter or start the conversation; I don't want it to seem like a big deal, I don't want to hear them say that they'll always love/support me, I don't want to see their surprise, I don't want to think about them going through the stages of grief/talking about it to each other. I don't want the relationship I have with my parents to change, or the view they have of me to change. I love my parents, and the hours of conversation about interesting topics that we have quite without getting into my personal life (except when I need to vent to my mother about so-and-so doing this-or-that). I don't feel a pressure to tell them, yet I want them to know. I just don't want to deal with the consequences, whether they are positive, negative, or neutral. I'm going to camp for three weeks in July, and was thinking about doing something before that, like sending something in the mail and signing it, "Love, your lesbian daughter". I'm not sure if that would make things worse or just delay the pain for a few weeks, and ai definitely don't want to be worried while I'm at camp. Is it a good idea to come out to my parents? I think they would want to know. I wish that it's something they took for granted, that I never had to tell them, so that it was intertwined in our relationship from the start. But alas! the world is not such a place. Thanks for reading!
All I can say is they ought to know, if only to explain that girlfriend you bring over to meet your parents... We all wish we didn't have to make such a big deal of it. It's been easier for me, in a sense, because I am older and can do pretty much do what I want without needing acceptance, and I think this is so because I do not present this as something I need from them. Just information: take it or leave it...
Oh wow this is exactly how I felt. Literally almost everything you described is how I felt. For many people coming out improves the relationship with their parents but even if that is the case, I didn't want mine to change at all. And just raising the subject was enough trouble. I didn't plan on coming out today, my mum just gave me a great opportunity (She said she doesn't care who I bring home so long as it isn't that "skank across the road"). I told her and she didn't really react at all, just said it was fine and it doesn't bother her who I love and then continued the previous conversation like nothing happened. She essentially banned me from telling my dad though, saying "Judging by how you told me, you're not very good at it. I think it's best I tell him" and she told him today while I was out. I've yet to find out his reaction (Though if it were bad, I imagine I'd have received a warning text or something). The weight of "should I?/Shouldn't I?" is gone but it's replaced with a weight of waiting for my relationship with them to change but at the moment I don't regret it. It had to come out eventually and now was as good a time as ever. When the moment is right for you to tell them, you'll know Hope I've helped with my essay xD
