So this morning I was sitting in the living room with my mom and she randomly said "your brother thinks your gay" and I said "oh yeah?". She said "yeah, he said he knows quite a few gay people and you show a lot of traits" and I just said "oh yeah? Again. She then asked "are you?" And I sat quiet and she was like "really?" And I said "would it matter?" And she said "not to me but it would your dad" and I said "that's why I'm not saying anything" and she was like "you are? No, your pulling my leg" and I just didn't look at her and the subject changed.. I'm shitting a brick right now.
ohh don't worry they'll get used to it and maybe she wont tell. my mum found out and she didn't tell anyone and my sister says things like that too =D siblings are so annoying. don't worry, whatever happens is meant to happen and even if things did get bad it would soon pass, don't worry ok if something happens then maybe just deny it?
Hi Trailblazer, It's natural to feel worried about things, especially when they are so person to us. It sounds to me like your mum may have been feeling things like this about you for a while but used the recent episode of your brother as a conversation starter. Of course she wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Why would you dad not be pleased? As your mum supports you she could be the best person to ask advice from. I'd come out and approach her honestly. Then perhaps go to your brother, then your dad. Take Care, Jon x
Well the thing is I can't afford to support myself financially, and I will be kicked out in a heart beat, I know my dad. Hopefully she took it as a joke still..
Okay, let me state the obvious: Your mom said it wouldn't matter to her if you you were gay! She told you that your dad wouldn't take it well, but you know what? Some people never come out to both parents, and that's okay! If I were you, I'd come out to your mom, but before you do, make her promise she won't tell your dad. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. And that way you'll at least have your mom as a support net - you'll be okay. (*hug*)
Honestly... I'm pretty sure she knows. It's quite obvious she's talked about it with your brother before, and I'm not sure anyone asks before they're fairly sure anyways. Also, if you were joking, you would have told at one point. People tend not to joke about being gay and then leave people hanging if they're really straight. So, I think it's safe to say that both her and your brother are at the very least 90% sure of it right now. BUT!!! This is not as bad as you think it is! Because it also shows she probably has done some introspection already. She's probably already busy getting through the denial and fear and bargaining stages. It honestly sounds like she's pretty well ahead to "If you're gay, you're gay and that doesn't change how I feel about you" stage. Plus, if she could keep all the "is he or isn't he" to herself, I'm fairly sure she can keep it from your father. And she said as much herself. So I think you're in the clear on that front. So really: no need to shit bricks here. She essentially told you she's OK and an ally and wouldn't mind keeping it from your dad until you're secure enough to tell him. Which are all good signs. I do think this might be the time to cut through the "what if" and the "I can still pretend it's all a joke" stuff. When you have her alone, you probably do need to have an honest and forthright talk about it. It's terrifying, I know (my heart did almost explode when I told my mom too), but all signs point to you both only getting better from it!
Exactly, this went about as good as it could have. You got the conversation opened up with your mom, and she appears to be ok with it. I am happy for you that this stage went as well as it did!!!
I don't think you can ever know something...if your dad loves you, i'd be immensely surpised if this was the action he took.
She knows. She probably knew before your brother said anything. So you've outed yourself to her, even if you're both doing this dance and acting like you didn't But the cat's out of the bag. I'd suggest that maybe you talk about it a little more or write an email (unless there's a possibility your dad will see it.) It sounds like she's OK with it. And my guess is your dad will actually be less upset about it than you think he will. It may not be a walk in the park, but your mom sounds like she'll be supportive.
She obviously knows, but she seems accepting! I wouldn't worry! Talk to her and make her promise to not tell your father. Good luck and everything is going to be ok!
I was in your position before coming out, I knew my mum would be ok with it but my dad is one of the most homophobic people I know he's the kind of person where if anything remotely gay comes on the t.v he'll go on a rant about how it's wrong and gay people shouldn't be able to get married, all that kind of stuff. But I came out to both of my parents at the same time and maybe mum managed to calm him down (I did it with a letter) but he didn't actually kick me out, something which I was sure was going to happen I just thought that if I know he's not going to accept it that won't change if I come out today or in a years time. Anyway he didn't kick me out and although he says he's fine with it I remember the look on his face when we first spoke about it and I know he's disappointed and honestly I will probably never have a close relationship with him. My point from all that is that people can surprise you and even if he doesn't like the fact you're gay he might not kick you out and I personally think you should tell him. I hated myself for keeping it a secret for so long but if you really think it might be a problem with your dad, just make sure you're mum doesn't tell him and wait until you move out and can support yourself!
