Hi! I'm not out to anyone yet, I'm still debating how I'm going to do it; who all to tell, when to tell them, etc. I'm still financially dependent on my parents, and I don't want to risk having to rearrange my entire life just on the fact that they know I'm gay and won't talk to me anymore. As of now, I'm pretty safe- as in, they have no idea that I'm gay, (I actually had a pregnancy scare with my ex-girlfriend last year, though I've since realized that I'm primarily attracted to guys, and I ended that relationship pretty soon after,) though its been made pretty clear that they think homosexuality is 'sinful' and that they won't tolerate it. (My aunt came out a few years back, and I haven't seen her since- nobody in my family talks to her, complete cutoff.) I love my parents to death, but this is something that is a part of me- I hate keeping it a secret from them, and I went through a very depressed phase because of it that hasn't completely gone away. Any recommendations?
Since I'm not yet out myself, the advice I can give you is limited. But, at least from reading stories on this site; It's probably not a good idea to come out to your parents yet, since you're still financially dependent and you don't want to risk being kicked out or cut off just yet. It might be a better idea to start by telling a friend or someone that you know you can trust, and that you're pretty sure won't react negatively.
Hi Guiness, Have you tried to contact your aunt at all yourself? It may be worth asking her for some advise if you are close to her. In a way it is good having someone else in the family who is also gay as that may give you additional support. Looking at it simply, if you love your parents to death i'm sure they reciprocate these feelings, irregardless of what you find attractive. If you are closer to one particular parent then my advise would be to approach them first and see how things go. It's a one off moment of courage and it should all get easier afterwards. Explain to them that being "gay" may be a sin their eyes, but for you it is your way of life. Try and explain that you may not be the stereotype they have of gay people and see how they respond. best of luck, Jon x
If you know that they find it "sinful", and you think that they would really not speak to you because of it, then would wait until you are no longer dependent on them to tell them. That's just my own opinion... There's always the possibility that they would be ok with it though... Why not start with a close friend? I have told a few of my close friends, and once you tell the first one, the rest become a lot easier.
I'm not sure there is an easy answer. The best advice I have is not to let your parents or family be the first that you tell. It is very important to have a strong support circle that you can fall back on if they react poorly. They may surprise you, or not, but if you tell them first and things go badly, you'll not have anyone else that's "in the know" that you can talk to afterwards. Hope that helps. Good luck!
Dear guinness : Let's get one thing clear : This is all about YOU. I know that you want your mom and Dad to know, but before they know, you have to be comfortable with this change. This is a big change in your life, it ranks right up there with the puberty change. MOM and DAD will LOVE you because your their child, that much is NEVER going to change. I'm sure there are other reasons than your Aunt just announcing that she's " out of the closet ", and no one speaks to her anymore, aren't there ? that's what I thought. So before you go telling anyone that your gay, be totally comfortable with this gayboy66
