I've just told my mother I'm gay!!! :/

The first stage is often denial. I am sure she will take you seriously soon enough. Just keep talking to her. As for you not having a boyfriend explain to her that one big reason for that is because you aren't interested in boys. She didn't react in shock or anger which is a plus. Congratulations on taking that first big step.

 

Well at least she didn't react in anger. I think it will get better over time and she will stop denying it. And yeah I do think it is something you can bring up again and again to show her that your being serious.

Yeah I think it would also help if you talk about your attraction to girls directly, not just say your gay.

 

As other's pointed out the first step toward acceptance is denial. This is okay. You're okay. This reaction is quite common and natural. She's spent her entire life picturing you as straight; if you remember at some point you struggled with accepting that you were gay as well. She's doing the same.

As for the boyfriend aspect of things, first point out to her that you don't need to have sex to know that you're attracted to someone. Ask her how she knew she was straight before she had a boyfriend? How did she know she was romantically and sexually attracted to men before being romantically and sexually involved with them? The same is true for you.

This also applies if she wants to talk about being gay as a "choice" - ask her when she chose to be straight.

She's likely to have other feelings, eventually. Remember the process is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She'll eventually flow through all of these steps, but ultimately she'll end up at acceptance.

Congratulations! You've just taken your first step. (*hug*)

 

Well said. These are some of the advices that I wish I had when I came out. But also, remember how long it took you to figure yourself out and accept yourself, she has to do the exact same thing. I am also quite familiar with eastern european mothers, they are amazing but very stubborn. They soften up with time. Good luck

 

Aw im sorry she wasnt supportive. At least it was denial not anger? (*hug*)

 

It can often feel very shaming or upsetting when we're being vulnerable with someone, especially someone as close to us as a parent, and they laugh at us. However, I think it's important to remember that we laugh for many different reasons. We don't only laugh when we hear or see something ridiculous or funny. We often laugh when we're nervous and uncertain - when we laugh it has a calming effect on us. It's a natural reflex.

What likely went through her mind, "No... no... no... she can't be gay. Right?" *nervous laughter* "You're not gay. Why would you be gay?" *more nervous laughter*

This is a form of denial. Eventually, she'll probably try to convince you that if you found the right guy you'd feel differently, or something along those lines. That'd be her attempting to bargain with you. When that fails she'll likely become angry for a period of time, "Why don't you want to change?! You're not even trying!" Then she'd likely become depressed for a period of time, "I give up... I'm a failure as a mother. I'm so sorry that I failed you. I never wanted this to happen." Then there is the possibility that she could jump back to one of the earlier phases, or move on toward acceptance.

The important thing is that throughout this process you go on living your life. If / when she attempts to bargain with you, don't give in - it'll only give her false hope. If / when she becomes angry that you're not doing what she wants, simply do the best you can to let it roll off your back. If / when she becomes depressed, move in to support and comfort her and to tell her how happy you'll be living out and open. Eventually, she's going to reach acceptance.

The fact that she didn't bring it up is not an indication that she isn't thinking about it. Not bringing it up can also be a form of denial - for example, if she doesn't talk about it, then maybe the issue will go away. If she pretends it isn't happening, then maybe it isn't happening - maybe you're just confused, or were just telling a joke, or... or.. or... deny, deny, deny.

Don't let this bother you. You're strong and you're going to come out of the other side of this even stronger.

 

The same thing happened with me when I told my mum... The first thing she said to me after I told her was "you can't be gay, you don't act gay" I was like mum "you don't have to act a certain way to feel something"... My mum understood after a while though, just keep trying to talk to her and tell her how you are feeling and like you said she didn't react angrily so it should be fine, hope it works out for you =).

 

So many amazing words of advice have been given on here. I can kind of relate. Most of the time when I come out people automatically ask, "You're kidding right?" Not in a disgusted manner, they just sound really shocked. And at first I'd get really upset and think now why the hell would I kid about this? But then I accepted that it's just an initial reaction.
I don't know if words can help prove anything or magically convince her that you're self-assured and know what you want. I think it may be best to leave it for time to tell. As you venture off into life and experiences and relationships, I think eventually she'll get it. It's really just a process for everyone, and some people handle it differently and shorter/longer than others. I think what would be best is if she has any questions or the topic comes up, to answer as confidently as you can. But really, I'm sure it's stressful and it feels like you have a lot to prove, but just remember that this most likely won't be the case forever. She just needs time.

 

No, it is denial. She's getting angry because you're trying to pull her out of that denial, and she's looking for reasons to stay in it - thus, she's attacking you. After all, if you don't know who you are or what you want, then you can't be gay, right? Of course, this is hogwash, you know exactly how you feel and what you want. She just isn't ready to accept that yet.

I know it's hurtful. (*hug*) Don't worry though, eventually in time she'll come around. I know you want her to be at acceptance right now, at this moment in time, but she just isn't there yet. However, she *WILL* get there. If she didn't love and care about you, this wouldn't be a big deal to her.

Nothing. It's not your job to make her believe anything. It's your job to be honest and truthful with who you are, and it's her job to work through her feelings on the matter. You are not responsible for how she reacts or how she feels - she is responsible for that.

 

How does it feel to come out?

 

I'm glad that helped. Just hold your head up high and keep moving forward. Your mother is going to react in whatever manner that she does, but the important part is that you shouldn't let it get to you. She has to work through her feelings, you can't do that for her, and neither can you control what she thinks or believes.

The only thing you can do is choose to accept your mother for where she is at in this moment in time, love her for that in spite of how frustrating and hurtful it is, and the same is true for her loving you. She can only choose to accept you for who you are and where you are at in this moment in your life. I believe she will choose to do that in time, especially if you don't let this hold you back, and you keep pushing forward with your life. Eventually, she's going to have to accept the truth because the truth will become apparent and she'll have no choice.

I think the "I know you better than you know yourself" thing is a common trait among mothers. When I came out to my mother for the second time (long and not so happy story on how that happened), she tried to tell me that she suspected that I was gay since I was eight years old. Now, maybe she did, but she never gave the slightest hint of that - ever. When I asked her about it, she kept blowing me off, "Oh, it's just a thing mothers know about their children."

Now, looking back at my life it wouldn't be shocking for her to have known at that age, but between you and me - I don't think she did. I think she is merely retconned her memory on my childhood a bit to make her think that she knew, because it wouldn't crush the delusion that she knows her children better than they know themselves. Because my mother definitely subscribes to that delusion.

So, I feel and understand you, Evora. My mother isn't much different.

 

First and foremost...CONGRATULATIONS! Telling our parents is one of the biggest hurdles we'll ever face. I think its best to remain calm and confident and continue to ask any questions she may have honestly. I know rejection from a family member can be specifically painful but it is also something that people change their mind's about once coming to know and love someone who is gay. Also-I think its important to remember that living genuinely and happily outweighs the judgement of others. Stay strong!

 

Congrats!

I have thought about this very thing happening when I come out to my family. I am going to mention that a heterosexual person does not have to have sex with someone to know their orientation. It is the same for me. I have not had sex with a woman, but I know that I am a lesbian.