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What to do ...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SkyTears, Apr 23, 2008.

  1. SkyTears

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    Today during lunch my friend (whom I don't talk to much) was like. I have a question for you. I could tell just by her tone that it was about being gay somehow (weird). Anyways she told me she had a friend who didn't know if he was gay. She said he had sex with another girl and didn't find much pleasure. So she goes on with: he's been sober for 10 months and he's 18. (I'm thinking at this point she wants me to sleep with the guy). I respond with I'm not a whore statement. But she like you just have you meet him and maybe date him. She told me she would show me a picture later when she gets one but I don't know if this is a good idea or not ...
     
  2. biisme

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    Well, it doesn't seem like it could hurt to meet him, and then decide how far you want to take things!

    I say...at the very least meet him.
     
  3. Lexington

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    He had sex with a woman, and "didn't find much pleasure". So...now it's up to you to give him a whirl in the sack, to see if he likes guys any better? No thanks. And if he wants to hook up, the least he can do is come over and talk to you yourself. Is she going to be there for the whole thing? "Melanie, ask him if I can take his pants off now."

    Lex
     
  4. SkyTears

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    kind of what I was thinking

    I don't know this guy and vise visa. We've never met.
     
  5. Nodnarb

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    If he just wants to have sex with you, then the answer is quite obvious. It's not a good idea.

    But if he wants to talk with you so maybe he can better understand if he is gay or not, then it would be a good thing.

    What I think you need to do is get a better idea of his intentions, and your friend's, before you can really say for sure what to do.
     
  6. Paralyzer

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    Yeah, it was probably too early for her to tell you about the sex part... but I think you should play along as long as you guys follow the "You should meet him and maybe date him" part.

    I mean, if he's having confusions about himself then you can definately help him out, but if his intentions are more pysical and you don't want that then tell him no deal.

    Really, just give him a chance.. you might like him. Regardless, everyone deserves help? :slight_smile: (not sex)-[in this case.... X_x]
     
  7. KaraBulut

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    A few years ago, I had a straight friend invite me to a party at his house by saying, "You should come to my party- there will be other gay people there."

    Don't be surprised if you have well intentioned people try to fix you up with other guy guys. Thse friends are well-intentioned but they don't seem to understand that not all gay people are alike and not all gay people want to become friends or sleep together- any more than all Jewish people, or all Black people or all redheads or all ...

    On one hand, it is a form of acceptance- at least the friends aren't being homophobic. They just need to be educated that gay people are like straight people in that they have values and morale and preferences. And that gay people are not slutty or inclined to get along with other gay people solely because they are both gay.

    If your friend would have said, "I met this nice guy that I think you would like and I want to introduce the two of you".... that would have been perfectly fine. But as you said, it is wrong for your friend to expect you to sleep with this guy just because he might be gay and has not had sex with another guy.
     
  8. Quitex

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    People please don't kill me, but I'd say go for it. The worse thing that may happen is that he ends up asking you for sex, and what you should say is 'no' and leave right away. I mean, as others already said we dont know his full intentions. I guess she want you to met not for this guy to figure out his sexuality by having sex with you but to see if he ius emotionally gay, like if he enjoys your company. Even you don't even know him, so what can you lose? You can gain a friend, maybe a boyfriend, and if things are just going the bad way, you can just tell him you're not that way and still help him out without having any sexual contact! (And ugh, if you get to meet him, just for safety and this aint to tell you "go have sex", but get a *pair* of condoms with you, to make sure youre prepared for anything that may come - he can end up being a very nice enjoyable hottie :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
  9. otc877

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    Somehow I doubt this is the doings of the guy. It seems as though your friend likes to meddle and is the mastermind behind the plan. I'd say there is no harm in meeting him and see where that takes you.

    He could be in need of some talking or somebody who's been through it to help him along discovering himself.

    Either way, it's ultimately up to you. Don't let your friend meddle, though.
     
  10. JSG

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    ZOMG don't go, you may end up... having sex !!
    At 18 that's NOT something you want to get yourself into.
    /sarcasm

    You have nothing to lose by meeting up with him and if you don't want to have sex wih him... don't sleep with him, simple. :slight_smile:
     
  11. joeyconnick

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    True, but I think in a lot of cases (probably not this one, however) it's more a case of the straight person maybe realising that it can be really hard to meet other new gay people because there are so few of us, numerically speaking.

    For instance, I know if someone said to me, "Oh come to this party with all my friends you don't know," I'd be hesistant to attend. I'd be a lot less hesistant if that person had said, "Oh come to this party with all my friends you don't know... quite a few of them are gay." Not because I'm slutty but because I'm single and it's always nice to attend events where there's at least a possibility of meeting someone else who is at least potentially interested in me, as opposed to any random event where if I find some guy hot, he'll be into women.

    It's all very well and good to say that gay people are just like straight people--in a lot of ways that's true. But our situations are often quite different from straight people's, because of things like the above example involving numbers and heterosexism. And even if I were not looking for a potential partner, I know I'm going to have more in common, as a general rule, with a random gay person, be they man or woman, than I would with a random straight person, ceteris paribus. [Latin phrase wikipedia-ed for people's edifications since I assume not everyone speaks Latin. Which I don't, either, but I looked it up.] That doesn't mean I'll necessarily want to sleep with them (or they with me) but much like foreigners tend to form expatriate communities when outside their homelands (and except in very rare environments, gay people are always "outside their homelands" so to speak), gay people generally appreciate the familiar. I guess in that, we're exactly like straight people. :slight_smile:
     
  12. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I'd say you could meet him - it may well be that in the end he wants to discuss things - but the way this friend put it was that he thought being gay was all about sex, and that having an enjoyable sexual experience would cure his confusion.

    But the thing is, it won't. If he's confused, then he's confused, and having sex with a guy isn't going to make any bit of difference (I don't believe anyway). Therefore, you certainly won't be helping him. Consequently, if you met him, and the possibility of sex came up, then it will have to be because you like him, as you are certainly *not* going to cure anyone's sexuality confusion by sleeping with them. Who does he fall in love with? Crush on? Think about? These are way more important things than his less-than-wonderful sexual experience with a girl.

    How much of this reliance upon sex to figure out sexuality is a result of chinese-whispers, or whether he would, in fact, just want to talk, I don't know, and you don't know. But I'd say there's no harm in meeting him, but I'd be cautious about sleeping with him! (pretty much what everyone else has said actually...)
     
  13. Lexington

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    I'm sorry, but I'm not getting the "this guy is confused about his sexuality, and needs somebody to talk to" vibe here. I'm getting the "he didn't like having sex with a girl, so I figured, since you're gay 'n' all, maybe..." vibe.

    Lex
     
  14. SkyTears

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    Thanks for the advice.

    There are some things I seem to have left out though (sorry.)

    The girl who was trying to get this together is bi. Not straight. (since somehow that because an issue here)
    Also she kind of has a bad reputation herself for things she has done.

    I'm thinking I might at least meet the guy. But chances are we won't even meet because she is really bad at planning out things and so I won't hear from it again (which is okay with me). So in the end I guess it probably won't matter.

    But thanks again.